S/O to well mannered kids

[Anonymous]

Have not read all the comments but a friend took two girls and her daughter out to dinner. One kid sent a hamburger back to the kitchen twice. I thought that was rude. You get what you get and you don't get upset.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the polite thing for you to have asked was, “Would you like a drink from Starbucks?” I also think it’s bizarre you have an issue with a croissant being double toasted. I don’t think anything here was rude.

OP here. The first time there were 6 girls. I wasn’t going to order 6 different bougie Starbucks drinks lol. Maybe I should have 🤷‍♀️

I mean, if you had colleagues at work, would you restrict what drinks you would be picking up or would you ask them what they want? It’s fine to set a budget of what you are willing to pay, but I don’t think it’s hospitable on your part to tell them specifically you will only get hot chocolate.

1. Children are not adults.

At what point did we begin to equate children with work colleagues?

2. Colleagues at work are adult equals and presumably paying for their own beverages or if not, know that it would be rude to order expensive things on someone else's tab.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I get it. You wanted to get hot chocolate for the kids. You weren't expecting a bunch of spoiled kids who get taken to Starbucks regularly enough that they have their own preferred custom drink. Hot chocolate would be a treat in my house, and my kids would happily accept it without thinking they are entitled to whatever they want from the Starbucks menu.

Who are all these kids drinking Starbucks regularly?

The kid didn’t ask for a custom drink. She asked for a regular menu item. It would have taken 0 extra effort OP’s part to order a chai latte instead of a hot chocolate. OP is just controlling.

Even if she did ask for a special item, it's easy to respond with withg:" sorry, that item is not in my budget, can you pick something in this range?"

This. I do not understand these threads complaining about the "rude" behavior of children where the children in question just asked for something. It's not rude to ask, especially not for kids because they don't have the freedom to get things for themselves!

All these full grown adults who are so delicate that having a child ask them for something causes them to need to consult the internet and lament the state of children today. How do you function as a parent? My kid asks me (politely, usually) for stuff all the time. I often say no. No, that's too expensive. No, we are eating when we get home. No, the dentist said no more hard candy. No, that movie is not age-appropriate. I don't find this difficult. It's very easy!

Sometimes my kid asks for things in a rude way. Yesterday she said "go get my markers from my room." And I said "oh, I am not the butler and the way you said that was very rude. Perhaps if you'd asked in a kind way I'd go get them, but no." And she cried and said she was too tired to get her markers and then she said she was sorry for being rude and then she asked me nicely to go get the markers and I said "No honey, I appreciate the apology, but you are perfectly capable of getting your markers." And she still wouldn't do it so art time was over. She's five, it was a hard day but honestly, fine.

The point is that 20 years from now, she will have internalized the lesson that if you want people to do things for you, you need to be polite when you ask. And also that even if you are polite, they might say no, so be ready to do things for yourself. I do not expect this lesson to sink in by tomorrow. Parenting is a work in process. I bet you my kid will still be doing rude things sometimes when she's 10, especially if she's having a bad day or is hungry or tired or whatever. She's human. If you take her out for an activity at that point and she is rude to you, I give you permission to say "No, that was rude. Please speak to me more politely."

It's like y'all just discovered that kids aren't born perfect and require effort. What the heck were you expecting?

You're a good parent, PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. You all seem unanimous so I think maybe it’s a cultural thing. Im from a different country originally where kids wouldn’t do this. DD wouldn’t either but probably because of me. To the PP who said “ who takes kids to Starbucks?” I didn’t take them, hence pre ordering on the app. We did a cold weather outside activity then I thought getting s hot chocolate close by would be nice. It’s all in the same area.

It is a UMC with parents that don’t say no thing. My kids wouldn’t do this, but their absolutely have friends that do. I have no problems telling them no.

Then you’re rude. Who only buys hot choc and refuses tea?! How strangely controlling.

It’s rude to say you don’t want hot chocolate, but buy me a latte instead, at 10, or however old these kids are. If a parent asks if you want hot chocolate, it is a yes or no question. If one of the children says no, the polite adult would then ask if there was something else they would like instead. But to presume you can get a latte instead is rude.

I agree with this completely.

I would think it rude if my kids responded as these kids did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: If something like that happened, then when they told me about it, I’d suggest to them that next time they should just politely take what’s offered, or politely decline.

+1 this is what I would say to my kids too.

Same.

I wouldn’t. The last thing I would want is for my daughter to accept a hot chocolate I know she wouldn’t drink (she hates sugary drinks) rather than just politely asking for a bottled water or something else instead. I think parents can have different opinions about what they suggest their children to, and that’s fine, but to label a polite request for a substitution as “rude” to me just isn’t the case in current American society.

OP asked a yes/no question. She didn't ask what the kids wanted from Starbucks.

My DC doesn't care for hot chocolate and he would have responded "no, thank you." That is the polite response.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the polite thing for you to have asked was, “Would you like a drink from Starbucks?” I also think it’s bizarre you have an issue with a croissant being double toasted. I don’t think anything here was rude.

Obviously, your children have no manners. When asked if you would like a drink. It means drink. Not food.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do not understand why you said no to the tea latte. Weird.

+1 What if the kid doesn't like chocolate or is lactose intolerant, or isn't allowed to have something sugary like that, but tea is allowed? Too embarrassing to have to say it in front of all the friends. There is nothing wrong with giving kids agency over what they eat and drink.

A tea latte is milk plus a lot of syrup, and tea

Yes, and if the kid can't have sugar, milk, whatever, then the answer is "no thank you."

You get what you get and you don't get upset.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I haven't read every single replay, but I'm with the OP. The way I was raised, the kids were borderline rude and certainly entitled.

My mom taught me that at friends' houses/out with friends, if their parents offered a snack, you could say, Yes please or No thank you. You could not ASK for a snack, and you could not ask for different items than what was offered. I tell my kids the same: you may graciously accept or say no thanks. You are someone's guest. If you want different snack options, talk to me at home when you're not someone's guest.

I may be mean and out of touch, but I'm not losing sleep over it.

This is how I was raised and it's how we have raised our kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“If you don’t want what I generously offer then you get nothing” is narcissistic behavior. If you really wanted to treat your guests and make them happy you would make the change since it took no extra effort on your part. I’m hearing that the gesture was more about your ego than actually wanting to do something nice. That you’re complaining about a basic polite request says something about you, not the child.

OP is quick to label the children rude but doesn’t realize how inhospitable she behaved as a “hostess” while on the outing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven't read every single replay, but I'm with the OP. The way I was raised, the kids were borderline rude and certainly entitled.

My mom taught me that at friends' houses/out with friends, if their parents offered a snack, you could say, Yes please or No thank you. You could not ASK for a snack, and you could not ask for different items than what was offered. I tell my kids the same: you may graciously accept or say no thanks. You are someone's guest. If you want different snack options, talk to me at home when you're not someone's guest.

I may be mean and out of touch, but I'm not losing sleep over it.

This is how I was raised and it's how we have raised our kids.

I do think it’s mean or at least unnecessarily controlling to say in essence “hot chocolate or nothing” when selecting off a Starbucks app.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven't read every single replay, but I'm with the OP. The way I was raised, the kids were borderline rude and certainly entitled.

My mom taught me that at friends' houses/out with friends, if their parents offered a snack, you could say, Yes please or No thank you. You could not ASK for a snack, and you could not ask for different items than what was offered. I tell my kids the same: you may graciously accept or say no thanks. You are someone's guest. If you want different snack options, talk to me at home when you're not someone's guest.

I may be mean and out of touch, but I'm not losing sleep over it.

This is how I was raised and it's how we have raised our kids.

I do think it’s mean or at least unnecessarily controlling to say in essence “hot chocolate or nothing” when selecting off a Starbucks app.

I don’t. Kids are not entitled to whatever they want when a specific treat is offered.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven't read every single replay, but I'm with the OP. The way I was raised, the kids were borderline rude and certainly entitled.

My mom taught me that at friends' houses/out with friends, if their parents offered a snack, you could say, Yes please or No thank you. You could not ASK for a snack, and you could not ask for different items than what was offered. I tell my kids the same: you may graciously accept or say no thanks. You are someone's guest. If you want different snack options, talk to me at home when you're not someone's guest.

I may be mean and out of touch, but I'm not losing sleep over it.

This is how I was raised and it's how we have raised our kids.

I am a PP with a child with food intolerances. I am genuinely curious if you would be upset if you offered my kid nachos and she asked to have plain chips since she should not eat the cheese. Honestly I’m blown away by how ridge some of you are.

I also think it is different to ask for a specific snack at someone’s house where there might be limited quantities or you have already made something specific as opposed to clicking a different button on an app. I would be upset if my child asked for a pastry when one wasn’t offered (I don’t think they would) but I would not blink if one of my children’a friends did. It’s not hard to say I’m just buying drinks right now or just buying all the girls a small snack if they are hungry. Either would be fine with me depending on if it was right before a meal or something. I literally cannot imagine thinking about it twice let alone going online to vent about how rude it was.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the kids were rude, but I also think you were really nice for taking them for a treat!

This.
Yeah, it is rude of the kids. They should either say yes or no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven't read every single replay, but I'm with the OP. The way I was raised, the kids were borderline rude and certainly entitled.

My mom taught me that at friends' houses/out with friends, if their parents offered a snack, you could say, Yes please or No thank you. You could not ASK for a snack, and you could not ask for different items than what was offered. I tell my kids the same: you may graciously accept or say no thanks. You are someone's guest. If you want different snack options, talk to me at home when you're not someone's guest.

I may be mean and out of touch, but I'm not losing sleep over it.

This is how I was raised and it's how we have raised our kids.

I do think it’s mean or at least unnecessarily controlling to say in essence “hot chocolate or nothing” when selecting off a Starbucks app.

I don’t. Kids are not entitled to whatever they want when a specific treat is offered.

Interesting that you refuse to respond to my point about OP as the host. I was referring to the controlling adult in this scenario.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven't read every single replay, but I'm with the OP. The way I was raised, the kids were borderline rude and certainly entitled.

My mom taught me that at friends' houses/out with friends, if their parents offered a snack, you could say, Yes please or No thank you. You could not ASK for a snack, and you could not ask for different items than what was offered. I tell my kids the same: you may graciously accept or say no thanks. You are someone's guest. If you want different snack options, talk to me at home when you're not someone's guest.

I may be mean and out of touch, but I'm not losing sleep over it.

This is how I was raised and it's how we have raised our kids.

I am a PP with a child with food intolerances. I am genuinely curious if you would be upset if you offered my kid nachos and she asked to have plain chips since she should not eat the cheese.

I think they would be and then would refuse to host again.