Drama over who pays for the wedding

[Anonymous]

We are a comfortable well off family and I plan to gift all three of my children a set amount for their wedding. I have 2 sons and a daughter. They are still young so not sure what the amount may be. Perhaps $100k. They can use it for their wedding, honeymoon, down payment, etc.

[Anonymous]

Will they end up in the same city?

Are they going to have a long engagement?

I wonder if they will even last. I am not sure I would want my kids to get married that young.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:BG: our DD and her fiancée are both seniors in college and recently got engaged. DD is accepted into medical school and the fiancée into a top MBA school. Neither has debt from college. We will pay for DD medical school and his parents will pay for MBA school. Both families are well off with family all in the US.

The fiancée’s parents are going to traditional route and want us to pay for our DD’s wedding. While we can, we also have a second DD and their’s is an only child. We also feel we are keeping the young couple out of debt (but so are they). I want to suggest we split the costs but I don’t want to offend them.

DS says he and the fiancée will contribute but they don’t have much to contribute and we don’t want them to.

The fiancée doesn’t want a fancy wedding but we both have big families.

Should we ask the fiancée’s parents to contribute? How should we word it?

1. This is not YOUR wedding
2. They are adults why are you involved
3. Paying for medical school and or MBA big whoop your choice and how wonderful for your entitled brat.
4. Too bad you have big families it's his wedding too. NOT YOURS

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My cousin just had a courthouse wedding with immediate family. They still dressed up and got married at a really lovely historic courthouse.

I would disown my child for having a courthouse wedding. Nothing represents a greater affront to the dignity of family heritage and generational expectation.

Wow. I can't imagine what it must be like to have such a piece of work as a parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My cousin just had a courthouse wedding with immediate family. They still dressed up and got married at a really lovely historic courthouse.

I would disown my child for having a courthouse wedding. Nothing represents a greater affront to the dignity of family heritage and generational expectation.

Your children should disown you for having such a stupid parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My cousin just had a courthouse wedding with immediate family. They still dressed up and got married at a really lovely historic courthouse.

I would disown my child for having a courthouse wedding. Nothing represents a greater affront to the dignity of family heritage and generational expectation.

Wow. I can't imagine what it must be like to have such a piece of work as a parent.

Emily Gilmore is alive and well!

[Anonymous]

Give them a dollar figure you can contribute and that's the end.

[Anonymous]

I change my answer. I have 2 boys and a daughter. I would want my daughter to have a dream wedding and no problem paying for it. I would want to go all out and be part of planning.

If my sons were getting married, I would not just foot the bill. If the girl was wealthy, they could pay for it. I would give for down payment on a house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I change my answer. I have 2 boys and a daughter. I would want my daughter to have a dream wedding and no problem paying for it. I would want to go all out and be part of planning.

If my sons were getting married, I would not just foot the bill. If the girl was wealthy, they could pay for it. I would give for down payment on a house.

Correction: You want YOU to have your daughter's 'dream wedding'.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My cousin just had a courthouse wedding with immediate family. They still dressed up and got married at a really lovely historic courthouse.

I would disown my child for having a courthouse wedding. Nothing represents a greater affront to the dignity of family heritage and generational expectation.

You sound insufferable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I change my answer. I have 2 boys and a daughter. I would want my daughter to have a dream wedding and no problem paying for it. I would want to go all out and be part of planning.

If my sons were getting married, I would not just foot the bill. If the girl was wealthy, they could pay for it. I would give for down payment on a house.

This is textbook sexism. That you would treat your children differently based purely on their gender is wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I change my answer. I have 2 boys and a daughter. I would want my daughter to have a dream wedding and no problem paying for it. I would want to go all out and be part of planning.

If my sons were getting married, I would not just foot the bill. If the girl was wealthy, they could pay for it. I would give for down payment on a house.

This is textbook sexism. That you would treat your children differently based purely on their gender is wrong.

We are fairly wealthy. I just don’t want to attract gold diggers for my sons. I wouldn’t want to give the future DIL an open check to plan whatever she wants. I assume the bride will be planning the wedding, not my sons.

Given that my kids are in elementary and middle school, this is not something I have to deal with for a very long time. My daughter is only 5.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t want to spend a lot as the odds they last through med school and mba are very low.

Truth!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I change my answer. I have 2 boys and a daughter. I would want my daughter to have a dream wedding and no problem paying for it. I would want to go all out and be part of planning.

If my sons were getting married, I would not just foot the bill. If the girl was wealthy, they could pay for it. I would give for down payment on a house.

This is textbook sexism. That you would treat your children differently based purely on their gender is wrong.

We are fairly wealthy. I just don’t want to attract gold diggers for my sons. I wouldn’t want to give the future DIL an open check to plan whatever she wants. I assume the bride will be planning the wedding, not my sons.

Given that my kids are in elementary and middle school, this is not something I have to deal with for a very long time. My daughter is only 5.

Interesting that you're ok with your daughter attracting a gold digger.

I get feeling like paying for your sons' weddings would be giving DIL a blank check, but you might be surprised by what your sons care about. My brother only cared about having an open bar (not exactly small $). My husband wanted a professional photographer and a DJ which I was 100% ok not having, and was not exactly small $ either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t want to spend a lot as the odds they last through med school and mba are very low.

Truth!

Wow. You people must be such supportive parents. No wonder more and more kids are estranged from their parents.