Reply to BIL brought dog that growls at children to Christmas dinner

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I am honestly confused.

I am the poster who has the goddaughter mauled by a dog, so my initial reaction was that OP was not overreacting at all.  But now I see these two things.

-- She left her children behind with the dog when she stormed off, including a toddler who is the most vulnerable to being attacked.  I would, in that situation, either remove my toddler or stay and watch my toddler like a hawk.

-- She implies her MIL is an addict who lost custody of her own children, and yet is angry that said MIL doesn't babysit or watch her kids by the lake.  As an overprotective parent, I'd be delighted not to have to convince someone I didn't trust that they can't watch my kids,.  I'd hardly be trying to convince them to do so.

I am really confused, because it seems like OP's motivation isn't to protect her own children.  That doesn't mean her BIL wasn't wrong to bring this animal, but it's very confusing.  [/quote]

You are 100% right on all of this. I am being gaslight by everyone, including my husband. I can't trust him to act rationally in regards to his relatives because he is trying to salvage a relationship with them. It was a mistake to let him deal with the BIL. I should have been the big bad meanie directly. I should have asked BIL directly if the dog was coming given his past behavior. In regards to Thanksgiving, BIL was 1:1 with the dog until he ate. It didn't seem dangerous until he stopped watching the dog. I need to dramatically cut back contact with the in-laws across the board, especially in environments that I do not control. I've made mistakes but at least I learned my lesson before anybody drowned or got bit in the face by a dog.

Incidentally, MIL is in town only for a few more days and I have heard nothing from her, so I assume she is mad at me. Works for me! [/quote]

this is now the third time OP has used "gaslighting" incorrectly in this thread ... stating different opinions isn't gaslighting.
Using manipulation and lies to make a person question their sanity is gaslighting

it just sounds like you don't like your in laws, and have a lot of trouble enforcing boundaries with them without getting mean and nasty towards them.

Also, I am really confused by your thinking - that MIL is a derelict mother who you can't trust around your kids, while simultaneously being mad at her when you leave her with your kids and she doesn't watch them how you would like ... if safety is your biggest concern, and you already know you can't trust her to parent as you would like, it is YOUR responsibilities to watch your kids like a hawk (eq, at the lake)[/quote]

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