SAHM's, What do you do all day?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because I have yet to meet a SAHM whose day isn't mostly made up of errands. I talk to my friends all the time and their "busiest" day is characterized by ERRANDS that i usually can fit in a weekend morning and be done with it. You dont need all week to get groceries, do laundry and cook dinner. So yes, I am judgemental of people whose lives consist of that. However, I acknowledge that many moms who chose to stay at home do so much more than pick up dry cleaning and cook meals. And even if they didn't and just did errands, if they were HAPPY, then that's fine too.

You are probably talking about SAHM of small children, aren't you? Not those of school aged ones -- which was the topic of this thread. I'm just pointing that out -- those are two very different scenarios. Accomplishing errands, cooking, and household chores while you have small children afoot -- or needing to get them to their various drop offs, picks ups etc is time consuming. I am guessing you get your own errands done on the weekends without small children in tow?

I get my own errands accomplished on the weekend with the help of my husband and with my DD in tow. Or otherwise, I would make sure my DD was doing something with my husband while I did some errands. And then we would switch off. In either case, we try to make sure the weekend is mostly about being together and less about errands. I hate errands. I dont want a week full of them any more than i want a morning of them. They are a necessary evil. I also think that if I SAHM i would guilt myself into thinking I needed to be super mom because I had the time. Now, I clearly dont have the time so we do the best we can to have fun when we're together and our errands take a back seat and get done super fast.

[Anonymous]

Errands are a lot more enjoyable when they're done when the stores aren't crowded and they're not cutting into your weekend. Regardless, the SAHMs I know do a lot more than just run errands, just like I am sure you do more than just run errands and go to work.

[Anonymous]

Coke, circa 1900.

[Anonymous]

That's funny PP minus one. As a SAHM my feelings are the complete opposite of yours about errands!

Which just goes to show you that we all work towards what works for us!

I actually *enjoy* errands. I take them at a slow pace, including walking instead of driving whenever convenient, and chatting with people along the way. It reminds me more of daily life when I lived abraod, actually. It takes more time than being super hyper efiicient "Get' ' er done!" but I prefer that way of life.

So I suspect if I were to have a conversation with you in my neighborhood, about how busy my life was, I would not be one of the SAHMs you hear complaining about how much time all my errands were taking me during the week. But that's because my kids are in school at least a few hours a day so I have the time to go out, do my thing, and enjoy life while doing it! Which of course, I'm sure you enjoy as well, in your own way.

I DEFINITELY prefer to have the basic maintenance of life stuff done by the weekend. I HATE it when I have to go grocery shopping on the weekends or do laundry. Just hate it. The shops are so crowded and no one is having any fun. I do make the whole family clean on Sat mornings because that's what we do (and we don't have a weekly cleaning service or help with laundry). Kids are learning to do their own laundry and of course DH does his share --- but I really try to get it all done so our weekends are totally work free (except for cleaning with the kids -- which actually takes MORE time but I feel like it is teaching them important life skills.)

[Anonymous]

I used to prefer Pepsi but find myself drinking Coke more often now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
When I am minding my own business at a school function where I am volunteering in the middle of the school day in my business suit, yes, it irks me when the SAHM of my child's classmate asks me if I am going back to work after craft time, I smile and say that I am, and then she rubs my arm clucks her tongue sympathetically and says, "oh you poor thing and and poor (my child's name)." Same woman does this every time she sees me. If I show up for pick up there are several women who routinely comment that they can't wait to see how excited my child will be to see me when she comes out of school "since she never gets to see you that much."

That's really obnoxious, for them to say that. I can barely believe it is true -- some 80% of women are working once their kids are school aged for heaven's sake -- do they say this to all the moms at school or just you, for some reason?

The rest of your post was kind of obnoxious in its own way, but if this is really happening to you, I guess I can understand your bitter attitude towards these women. Sorry.

Agree that is odd - the fact is most women of school aged children do work so not sure why that woman is singling you out. Either way, it is clear she is bitter and jealous of something as no one would be trying to make a mom feel bad in such an obvious way out of true compassion. I would feel sorry for her rather than waste any time letting her get to you.

[Anonymous]

Diet Dr. Pepper

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
When I am minding my own business at a school function where I am volunteering in the middle of the school day in my business suit, yes, it irks me when the SAHM of my child's classmate asks me if I am going back to work after craft time, I smile and say that I am, and then she rubs my arm clucks her tongue sympathetically and says, "oh you poor thing and and poor (my child's name)." Same woman does this every time she sees me. If I show up for pick up there are several women who routinely comment that they can't wait to see how excited my child will be to see me when she comes out of school "since she never gets to see you that much."

That's really obnoxious, for them to say that. I can barely believe it is true -- some 80% of women are working once their kids are school aged for heaven's sake -- do they say this to all the moms at school or just you, for some reason?

The rest of your post was kind of obnoxious in its own way, but if this is really happening to you, I guess I can understand your bitter attitude towards these women. Sorry.

Agree that is odd - the fact is most women of school aged children do work so not sure why that woman is singling you out. Either way, it is clear she is bitter and jealous of something as no one would be trying to make a mom feel bad in such an obvious way out of true compassion. I would feel sorry for her rather than waste any time letting her get to you.

I can unfortunatenly attest to the fact that there are some women out there like that. My DS goes to a privateschool where the majority of the women SAHM. i've had many comments like that, when Igo on field trips in suit, due to the fact that I'm clearly either coming from, or on my way back to work. I even had one eacher tell me I should spend more time with DS. Really? I'm home by 5:00. I work from home 2 days a week. Said teacher has NO IDEA how much time I do or don't spend with my kid--and neihter do most of the sahm mothers who "pity" me for making $200k and "having"to work.

But I would like to point out it is definitely only a few--most people are obviously fine with their choices, eihter way.

[Anonymous]

This is 00:25 again. Thanks 11:04! And to those who posted that 80% of mothers work when their kids are in school. Not at our private school. The majority of mothers don't work at all or they work very part time in a family business. Those of us who work full time are few and far in between.

[Anonymous]

Clean, iron, cook, shop, take language lessons, check DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is 00:25 again. Thanks 11:04! And to those who posted that 80% of mothers work when their kids are in school. Not at our private school. The majority of mothers don't work at all or they work very part time in a family business. Those of us who work full time are few and far in between.

Wow! I guess you must be in a very high income cohort -- if these families can afford private school on just one salary. The majority of the world is NOT like this, just so you know. You might find fewer smarmy women making smarmy comments if you hung out with and sent your kids to school with poorer, but nicer, people!

[Anonymous]

I am a new SAHM because it made more sense financially...not all of us would be bringing in $200,000 a year if we were at work instead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In response to 22:56's question which is essentially what's it to you what a SAHM of school aged children does all day. Here is my answer. Nothing. It is immaterial to me, generally speaking, what a generic SAHM of school aged children or young children does with her day. I don't care whether she is cooking tomato sauce from scratch. I don't care about her laundry. I don't care whether or not she volunteers. I don't care if she can or can't afford what I can because I work. I really don't. I wish her well.

Specifically, however, I do care very much when specific women who happen to stay at home denigrate me for working. I admit. That makes me mad and because I have a temper I am more than a little snipey in certain situations. When I am minding my own business at a school function where I am volunteering in the middle of the school day in my business suit, yes, it irks me when the SAHM of my child's classmate asks me if I am going back to work after craft time, I smile and say that I am, and then she rubs my arm clucks her tongue sympathetically and says, "oh you poor thing and and poor (my child's name)." Same woman does this every time she sees me. If I show up for pick up there are several women who routinely comment that they can't wait to see how excited my child will be to see me when she comes out of school "since she never gets to see you that much." Seriously? I own my own small business. I love my work. I make good money and I am home no later than 6:05pm every night. I have a happy and healthy child and great husband. I think I am luckiest person on earth.

So do I care what those women do all day? Yes. Yes, I do. Why? Because I am small and petty and I think I am better than them for being able to earn $100K+ in addition to raising a happy healthy child and enjoying life. And I wholeheartedly admit that I am not nearly as diplomatic as I might be when certain causes like less homework, graduation fees, and the like come up at school. So when one of them calls or emails about me signing a petition for less homework, I admit to responding that I just don't think an hour of homework total is too much and saying no that it does not impinge on family time at all since she does homework with her nanny before I get home. I check it over, answer any questions and then help pack up the backpack for the next day. it"s 10 minutes for me so no problem. I take a certain perverse pleasure in bumping into one of these women on my way into the nail place on the weekend while she is trailing children behind her from some store. I take an even more perverse pleasure when she says, "where is (my child's name)," and I can honestly respond, "hanging out with daddy while I get my nails done." And I know that her husband won't watch the children for 10 minutes while she pees because he is a dick and knows he doesn't have to and there is nothing she can do about it.

See? So, no, generically for the majority of you who SAH with big kids or little kids, I don't care what you do during the day. I am the mom in the business suit who tells you that there is a cart with the truck on the garage at Wegmans when I see you little guy melting down because you promised him a truck cart. I am the one who holds the door for your stroller at Starbucks. I am the one who offers you a shout wipe, hand sanitizer, or a sani-wipe when you are digging frantically in your bag. I am the one tells the guy pounding on the single bathroom door to give you a break since you went in to change a diaper. I am the one in the bathroom who quietly stands in front of the door out of the bathroom when your old enough to pee by themselves child, who is not old enough to wander unsupervised outside of the bathroom in a bog box store, escapes their stall while you are still in yours with your pants down saying, "Esmerelda! Wait for me please! Don't leave the bathroom!"

It is only when I feel that I have been insulted that I become insulting and I am working on that.

I love this - thanks for posting. It's hard to not be defensive when people are looking down on you and making nasty, ignorant comments about your life. I don't know what PPs who commented on your last paragraph being obnoxious were talking about. There are a lot of catty, nasty people on this board (both WOHMs and SAHMs) but I think you and I could be friends

Unfortunately, I think that judgmental people on both sides have poisoned the relationship between WOHMs and SAHMs. Most WOHMs don't care what SAHMs do, and vice-versa. But when SAHMs are vilified by WOHMs, they get defensive (justifiably so.) Same for WOHMs whose children are on the receiving end of pity from SAHMs. Maybe the miserable people could just can it, and we can just enjoy each other's company, and learn from one another's experiences?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In response to 22:56's question which is essentially what's it to you what a SAHM of school aged children does all day. Here is my answer. Nothing. It is immaterial to me, generally speaking, what a generic SAHM of school aged children or young children does with her day. I don't care whether she is cooking tomato sauce from scratch. I don't care about her laundry. I don't care whether or not she volunteers. I don't care if she can or can't afford what I can because I work. I really don't. I wish her well.

Specifically, however, I do care very much when specific women who happen to stay at home denigrate me for working. I admit. That makes me mad and because I have a temper I am more than a little snipey in certain situations. When I am minding my own business at a school function where I am volunteering in the middle of the school day in my business suit, yes, it irks me when the SAHM of my child's classmate asks me if I am going back to work after craft time, I smile and say that I am, and then she rubs my arm clucks her tongue sympathetically and says, "oh you poor thing and and poor (my child's name)." Same woman does this every time she sees me. If I show up for pick up there are several women who routinely comment that they can't wait to see how excited my child will be to see me when she comes out of school "since she never gets to see you that much." Seriously? I own my own small business. I love my work. I make good money and I am home no later than 6:05pm every night. I have a happy and healthy child and great husband. I think I am luckiest person on earth.

So do I care what those women do all day? Yes. Yes, I do. Why? Because I am small and petty and I think I am better than them for being able to earn $100K+ in addition to raising a happy healthy child and enjoying life. And I wholeheartedly admit that I am not nearly as diplomatic as I might be when certain causes like less homework, graduation fees, and the like come up at school. So when one of them calls or emails about me signing a petition for less homework, I admit to responding that I just don't think an hour of homework total is too much and saying no that it does not impinge on family time at all since she does homework with her nanny before I get home. I check it over, answer any questions and then help pack up the backpack for the next day. it"s 10 minutes for me so no problem. I take a certain perverse pleasure in bumping into one of these women on my way into the nail place on the weekend while she is trailing children behind her from some store. I take an even more perverse pleasure when she says, "where is (my child's name)," and I can honestly respond, "hanging out with daddy while I get my nails done." And I know that her husband won't watch the children for 10 minutes while she pees because he is a dick and knows he doesn't have to and there is nothing she can do about it.

See? So, no, generically for the majority of you who SAH with big kids or little kids, I don't care what you do during the day. I am the mom in the business suit who tells you that there is a cart with the truck on the garage at Wegmans when I see you little guy melting down because you promised him a truck cart. I am the one who holds the door for your stroller at Starbucks. I am the one who offers you a shout wipe, hand sanitizer, or a sani-wipe when you are digging frantically in your bag. I am the one tells the guy pounding on the single bathroom door to give you a break since you went in to change a diaper. I am the one in the bathroom who quietly stands in front of the door out of the bathroom when your old enough to pee by themselves child, who is not old enough to wander unsupervised outside of the bathroom in a bog box store, escapes their stall while you are still in yours with your pants down saying, "Esmerelda! Wait for me please! Don't leave the bathroom!"

It is only when I feel that I have been insulted that I become insulting and I am working on that.

I love this - thanks for posting. It's hard to not be defensive when people are looking down on you and making nasty, ignorant comments about your life. I don't know what PPs who commented on your last paragraph being obnoxious were talking about. There are a lot of catty, nasty people on this board (both WOHMs and SAHMs) but I think you and I could be friends

Unfortunately, I think that judgmental people on both sides have poisoned the relationship between WOHMs and SAHMs. Most WOHMs don't care what SAHMs do, and vice-versa. But when SAHMs are vilified by WOHMs, they get defensive (justifiably so.) Same for WOHMs whose children are on the receiving end of pity from SAHMs. Maybe the miserable people could just can it, and we can just enjoy each other's company, and learn from one another's experiences?

Thank you for this. Insecurity on both sides is what is driving the nastiness of this thread. I admire some aspects of both ways of living.

[Anonymous]

What was obnoxious about her last paragraph? That she painted herself as a benevolent super woman who deigns to lower herself to offer a helping hand to all the poor, stupid SAHMs who can't keep it together. Come on.