SAHM's, What do you do all day?

[Anonymous]

I rode my daughters horse this morning to exercise her (my daughter is a little under the weather), visited my MIL at her assisted living and got her hair cut, nails trimmed and took her laundry to do (she won't let them do her "all togethers" which is her undergarments so I do them), stopped quickly at the grocery store to get some spices, made a spreadsheet for my DH and I to look over for some repairs we have to prioritize, ate some leftover chicken for lunch and ordered BOB books online for youngest child.

[Anonymous]

I don't really get this idea that sahms are looked down on. I have never gotten this vibe from others in real life. Maybe because I have a very part time job that people consider intriguing in the health and wellness field. But even if I didnt, so what???

[Anonymous]

You all should apply for these:

http://www.americanmothers.org/nomination-form/

https://www.tescoliving.com/mum-of-the-year

http://www.americasfarmers.com/recognition-programs/farm-mom/

[Anonymous]

PP here. Also, I occasionally do feel resentful that men are working on really existing creative projects, they are planning a Mars expedition while I'm wiping the kitchen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As you suspect, I eat bonbons and read love stories all day.

+1

And I watch my programs.

[Anonymous]

I think two things that have not been voiced are- as a SAHM- I do manage the household and I realize that working moms do too but since I get the bulk of that work done from 9-3, our evenings and weekends are relaxed and pleasant. Another aspect is that I enjoy helping my kids with their homework, making dinner, etc. I don't consider life a busy contest. The rhythm that works for our family might not be what works best for another families.

[Anonymous]

I volunteer 2x a week for 3hrs each for each child's school
I volunteer at Make a Wish Foundation once a week
I am my daughter's softball coach
I am my other daughter's Girl Scout troop leader
Treasurer of our swim club
Secretary for the public school PTA
Teacher's Appreciation for the private school.
Do all the taxes/money management for us and our company
One child goes to private so I drive her to and from.
I do everything most people pay services to get done. I don't outsource for lawn case, housekeeping, dry-cleaning etc... I do all the shopping, cooking, laundry, gardening, cleaning so there is nothing to do on the weekends.

When the kids get home, they have snacks and do homework. I help with any projects with the younger one. We always have lots of neighborhood kids over our house which is fun. I take to/from afternoon activities. I like being there to watch. Usually have a meeting 2x a week in the evening for something and in Fall and Spring, I coach twice a week on the evenings and have games on the weekends.

But for the most part, my husband can come home and relax. Our evenings are fun. We usually play board games or go to the park or play bocce outback. The youngest is in bed by 7:30pm and oldest by 9pm. I usually cut coupons, watch tv with husband. Twice a month I go out with friends. We have date nights every other Friday.

I know it seems lame but it works for us. We own a business and my husband works odd hours, travels a lot and when I worked too, it was very stressful for all of us. Trying to figure out how to take the kids to school, get them to activities, who would watch my younger one when I coached. We don't have any family in the area.

Some people are better working and some aren't. I enjoy staying at home and being the one who takes care of the home. I was never one to outsource. I don't judge others and don't care if they judge me.

[Anonymous]

You don't have to prove yourself to anyone, people. This isn't a contest to see who is busiest and most productive.

[Anonymous]

Sahm for 4+ years. I just kinda do whatever the day calls for! Hang out with my son, clean the kitchen, laundry, gym or yoga, read, go for walks, go shopping, take the dogs for a hike. Some days we don't do a damn thing worth listing, but I know my child is well cared for and happy even if our house is a wreck. He's not even -- gasp! -- in any classes! I have friends who have this weird pissing contest over busy-ness; I'm happy that our life is casual.

[Anonymous]

I can't wait to retire.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think everyone else has pretty much covered the fact that there are ways to be a useful and productive person without earning a paycheck. So I'd like to point out something that I don't think has been discussed although I haven't read all 18 pages.

Here's something that many don't understand about SAHM. One big factor for many of us is that our salary was such a small percentage of the household income. It just doesn't always make sense to go back to work. When I got pregnat with my first, DH was making $115K and I was making $30K. So it was kind of a no-brainer considering all the costs of day care, work wardrobe, etc. BTW, that's not because I was less successful - I was 25 and he was 32. ten years later and my youngest (3rd) is in half-day K. It still doesn't make sense for me to return to work. Not sure if it will next year either. Even though they will all be in school all day, we will still have the issue of getting them to school (which doesn't start until 8:50), child care after school, what to do all the days that they don't have school, and especially winter/spring/summer breaks. In my field, part-time or WAH is not an option so it's all or nothing for me. I stay relevant in my field through volunteer work and networking because someday it will make sense for me to go back to work.

Anyway, my small salary is by no means the only reason I stay home, but it's definitely a factor. It seems that most working moms have an income that's closer to 50% of the household income, so they really have no choice but to work. So I certainly don't judge anyone's decision to work. Even if they can get by on DH's income, I respect their decision and realize that staying home is not for everyone.

This is a really fair point. I think the reason it has not come up is because many, many women in this area and who post on this board make a lot more than 30K. For many of us it DOES make sense financially to work, and even if we don't absolutely have to (which is totally subjective and will depend on people's comfort level and how risk adverse you are in these times of ridiculous health care costs, insurance issues connected to employment, lack of pensions, etc.) it is a lot to give up. Many of didn't have kids at 25. So in your circumstances I could understand the limitations you faced by the time you had three kids and not a strong career background to return to (since you didn't work that many years before kids). But many moms on this board have other considerations to weigh - advanced degrees, years of a career they have invested in and may really enjoy, very valid earning potential, etc. Not saying anyone should work or stay home, it depends on so many factors and what is right for one family is not right for another, but I think your situation is less common in these discussions on this board.

+1. The other problem with this argument is that it's really shortsighted. Yes, in that year, you were making $30K, but it was highly unlikely you'd make $30K forever. The research shows that the lifetime hit to your earnings potential from even a short time out of the workforce dwarfs the cost of childcare in most cases. And it may still not be the right tradeoff for your family ("good for her! Not for me!" As Amy Poehler would say), but looking at it in terms of a single year is really misleading. We had our daughter in my last year of law school, when my income was arguably negative. If we'd just decided then that it didn't make sense for me to work, the opportunity cost of that decision would have been many, many, many times what we pay our nanny!