SAHM's, What do you do all day?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This conversation might even be worse than the formula feeding vs. breastfeeding one. I work because I am happier working. My job isn't terribly satisfying but we definitely need the income and I am happy going to work. I work 50hrs a week on average (im an attorney) and still do all those errands SAHM proudly list as their activities. I dont understand how they dont want more but whatevs--each to their own. If you dont have to work or make the decision not to work and that makes you happy, then that's great. It's all that matters. Life is too short.

You may wonder why they don't "want more" but they are probably wondering why you are OK working 50 hours a week.

I work 50hours to put a roof over our heads and food on the table and to pay our bills and mounting debt. That's why I am OK working those hours. I get paid by the hour. If my child is sick, i stay home but dont get paid. Can you wrap your mind around the fact that not everyone is fortunate?

Yes, this was mentioned already and quickly dispensed with by this crowd:

[i]
We all realize of course that this is a conversation of women of privilege. We live in this rarified educated world of choices: "It's MY choice to stay home"... "It's MY choice to work"....

"Bringing home a paycheck" is not just for a "sense of accomplishment" as a PP stated. For many women it's to keep a roof over her family's head and food on the table.

Gimme a break. The sanctimonious attitudes from both sides is ridiculous. Realize that most people don't live in this world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you're super organized, staying at home becomes boring b/c you have too much down time.

seriously . . .

Now, if organization is not your forte' . . .

This is not the issue. Being a SAHM isn't boring to me not because I am a great organizer, but because I use my "down time" for things that I (I!!) choose. When nothing is scheduled for me, there are no more errands I have to run or places I have to be, I fill that time with things I love to do. The PP who said that only boring people are bored is right. I am truly NEVER bored because I can find something enjoyable or fulfilling for my time. Previously, when I was a working mom, I had my rewarding job and no time for anything else. That rewarding job wasn't enough for me. It's my choice, and you can't say it's wrong because you don't even understand my position.

WELL SAID.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This conversation might even be worse than the formula feeding vs. breastfeeding one. I work because I am happier working. My job isn't terribly satisfying but we definitely need the income and I am happy going to work. I work 50hrs a week on average (im an attorney) and still do all those errands SAHM proudly list as their activities. I dont understand how they dont want more but whatevs--each to their own. If you dont have to work or make the decision not to work and that makes you happy, then that's great. It's all that matters. Life is too short.

You may wonder why they don't "want more" but they are probably wondering why you are OK working 50 hours a week.

I work 50hours to put a roof over our heads and food on the table and to pay our bills and mounting debt. That's why I am OK working those hours. I get paid by the hour. If my child is sick, i stay home but dont get paid. Can you wrap your mind around the fact that not everyone is fortunate?

Yes, this was mentioned already and quickly dispensed with by this crowd:

[i]
We all realize of course that this is a conversation of women of privilege. We live in this rarified educated world of choices: "It's MY choice to stay home"... "It's MY choice to work"....

"Bringing home a paycheck" is not just for a "sense of accomplishment" as a PP stated. For many women it's to keep a roof over her family's head and food on the table.

Gimme a break. The sanctimonious attitudes from both sides is ridiculous. Realize that most people don't live in this world.

Well, to be fair, when a couple of SAHMs fully acknowledged that they feel "lucky" to be able to do it, they got vilified for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This conversation might even be worse than the formula feeding vs. breastfeeding one. I work because I am happier working. My job isn't terribly satisfying but we definitely need the income and I am happy going to work. I work 50hrs a week on average (im an attorney) and still do all those errands SAHM proudly list as their activities. I dont understand how they dont want more but whatevs--each to their own. If you dont have to work or make the decision not to work and that makes you happy, then that's great. It's all that matters. Life is too short.

You may wonder why they don't "want more" but they are probably wondering why you are OK working 50 hours a week.

I work 50hours to put a roof over our heads and food on the table and to pay our bills and mounting debt. That's why I am OK working those hours. I get paid by the hour. If my child is sick, i stay home but dont get paid. Can you wrap your mind around the fact that not everyone is fortunate?

Can you wrap your mind around the fact there weren't any accusations? You question why one side wouldn't want more and I said the other side may question your working such long hours. Never did I pick a side.

[Anonymous]

I guess what I dont understand about all these posts and OP's question is simply, what is it to you? Why do you care what SAHMs do all day. If it doesn't effect you what difference does it make?

This question raises emotions and responses that are totally and completely subjective. What one person finds satisfying is sure to be different from anothers. All the back and forth banter about wanting more is useless.

Coke or Pepsi might bring a more stimulating thread. Get over yourselfs.

[Anonymous]

Coke

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have wondered the same.

My child is in a private K and there is a couple moms who don't work but the majority do. Its kind of funny bc when I met the one SAHM, she admitted that she stayed home and there was kind of a silence between us that she kind of stumbled over to fill. It was funny bc we both knew exactly what I was thinking "really??? your kids are all in school and you are at home? [b]why?"[/b] She kind came up with some answer but I could see she wasn't comfortable with it.

For me personally, I can't imagine being home everyday, day in and day out with nothing really defined to do. For me volunteering at school a few hours and running errands or just hanging out for lunch and going to the gym wouldn't cut it long term for me but I can see that it does for other moms so I think that's what some of them do with their time. [/q

You wonder why she's at home? Maybe she want to be there for them when they return from school. My mom was a SAHM when my siblings and I were at school and we love to see her at noon to have lunch with her, not with a nanny. At least, that's our culture.

[Anonymous]

New poster: Just want to add that I hate how when people attempt to make the point that unpaid labor/work/hobbies/interests/tasks whatever are fulfilling they have to put down work if you are not "curing cancer." Come on. I work in public health and am in management. No I'm not curing cancer but I am playing a small role in furthering policies and developing programs I think are important. I work reasonable hours and have flexibility so I feel I get plenty of time with my kids and family, and DH is around when I am not for the most part (at least at either ends of the day, in the middle, our kids are in elementary school and preschool/daycare).

Anyway, just want to say that while it's a fair point that you can have a fulfilling life without paid work, there is no need to put anyone down for spending time away from their kids, as if their paid work is not important. Honestly, if you are earning a paycheck that is HUGE. Of course there are other ways to contribute to the family and society but all this work bashing is pissing me off and it is pointless. Certainly we all know society evolved because people like to challenge themselves. Why do people work past retirement age? Why do rich people work instead of moving to Aruba? Why do people run marathons?

To reiterate- you don't have to do paid work to contribute, challenge yourself, or be fulfilled, but let's please stop bashing paid work, be it a career or an honest day's work waitressing, to make this point.

[Anonymous]

Does Diet Coke count?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because I have yet to meet a SAHM whose day isn't mostly made up of errands. I talk to my friends all the time and their "busiest" day is characterized by ERRANDS that i usually can fit in a weekend morning and be done with it. You dont need all week to get groceries, do laundry and cook dinner. So yes, I am judgemental of people whose lives consist of that. However, I acknowledge that many moms who chose to stay at home do so much more than pick up dry cleaning and cook meals. And even if they didn't and just did errands, if they were HAPPY, then that's fine too.

You are probably talking about SAHM of small children, aren't you? Not those of school aged ones -- which was the topic of this thread. I'm just pointing that out -- those are two very different scenarios. Accomplishing errands, cooking, and household chores while you have small children afoot -- or needing to get them to their various drop offs, picks ups etc is time consuming. I am guessing you get your own errands done on the weekends without small children in tow?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm so sick of all these "I can do what you do and more" boasts. It's the equivalent of penis measuring for the moms. Everyone's life is different and challenging. Is it really that important what each one of us does between 9 and 3 pm? Everyone get over yourself. No one is curing cancer here.

I agree. Who the heck cares what anybody else is doing with their time? Life is too short for this BS. We're all doing the best we can.

[Anonymous]

In response to 22:56's question which is essentially what's it to you what a SAHM of school aged children does all day. Here is my answer. Nothing. It is immaterial to me, generally speaking, what a generic SAHM of school aged children or young children does with her day. I don't care whether she is cooking tomato sauce from scratch. I don't care about her laundry. I don't care whether or not she volunteers. I don't care if she can or can't afford what I can because I work. I really don't. I wish her well.

Specifically, however, I do care very much when specific women who happen to stay at home denigrate me for working. I admit. That makes me mad and because I have a temper I am more than a little snipey in certain situations. When I am minding my own business at a school function where I am volunteering in the middle of the school day in my business suit, yes, it irks me when the SAHM of my child's classmate asks me if I am going back to work after craft time, I smile and say that I am, and then she rubs my arm clucks her tongue sympathetically and says, "oh you poor thing and and poor (my child's name)." Same woman does this every time she sees me. If I show up for pick up there are several women who routinely comment that they can't wait to see how excited my child will be to see me when she comes out of school "since she never gets to see you that much." Seriously? I own my own small business. I love my work. I make good money and I am home no later than 6:05pm every night. I have a happy and healthy child and great husband. I think I am luckiest person on earth.

So do I care what those women do all day? Yes. Yes, I do. Why? Because I am small and petty and I think I am better than them for being able to earn $100K+ in addition to raising a happy healthy child and enjoying life. And I wholeheartedly admit that I am not nearly as diplomatic as I might be when certain causes like less homework, graduation fees, and the like come up at school. So when one of them calls or emails about me signing a petition for less homework, I admit to responding that I just don't think an hour of homework total is too much and saying no that it does not impinge on family time at all since she does homework with her nanny before I get home. I check it over, answer any questions and then help pack up the backpack for the next day. it"s 10 minutes for me so no problem. I take a certain perverse pleasure in bumping into one of these women on my way into the nail place on the weekend while she is trailing children behind her from some store. I take an even more perverse pleasure when she says, "where is (my child's name)," and I can honestly respond, "hanging out with daddy while I get my nails done." And I know that her husband won't watch the children for 10 minutes while she pees because he is a dick and knows he doesn't have to and there is nothing she can do about it.

See? So, no, generically for the majority of you who SAH with big kids or little kids, I don't care what you do during the day. I am the mom in the business suit who tells you that there is a cart with the truck on the garage at Wegmans when I see you little guy melting down because you promised him a truck cart. I am the one who holds the door for your stroller at Starbucks. I am the one who offers you a shout wipe, hand sanitizer, or a sani-wipe when you are digging frantically in your bag. I am the one tells the guy pounding on the single bathroom door to give you a break since you went in to change a diaper. I am the one in the bathroom who quietly stands in front of the door out of the bathroom when your old enough to pee by themselves child, who is not old enough to wander unsupervised outside of the bathroom in a bog box store, escapes their stall while you are still in yours with your pants down saying, "Esmerelda! Wait for me please! Don't leave the bathroom!"

It is only when I feel that I have been insulted that I become insulting and I am working on that.

[Anonymous]

What do I do all day?

What ever I feel like! Its great not having to deal with a nasty boss, nasty co-workers, etc... and the joy of waking up to my sweet son, taking care of everything so my husband can come home and enjoy him/us and watching him grow and encouraging and supporting his developmental, emotional and other needs. I love meeting my husband for lunch... I love just doing nothing but hanging out with my son... I love meeting others for lunch... I love browsing stores... I love hanging out with neighbors... I love life so much more now that my son is here and the happiest, sweetest, most darling little boy who brings us such joy... I love being with him for every moment and right now I don't want to share him with a day care center who could make him unhappy (or do a great job as there are many who are wonderful) or not work with his reflux or other needs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In response to 22:56's question which is essentially what's it to you what a SAHM of school aged children does all day. Here is my answer. Nothing. It is immaterial to me, generally speaking, what a generic SAHM of school aged children or young children does with her day. I don't care whether she is cooking tomato sauce from scratch. I don't care about her laundry. I don't care whether or not she volunteers. I don't care if she can or can't afford what I can because I work. I really don't. I wish her well.

Specifically, however, I do care very much when specific women who happen to stay at home denigrate me for working. I admit. That makes me mad and because I have a temper I am more than a little snipey in certain situations. When I am minding my own business at a school function where I am volunteering in the middle of the school day in my business suit, yes, it irks me when the SAHM of my child's classmate asks me if I am going back to work after craft time, I smile and say that I am, and then she rubs my arm clucks her tongue sympathetically and says, "oh you poor thing and and poor (my child's name)." Same woman does this every time she sees me. If I show up for pick up there are several women who routinely comment that they can't wait to see how excited my child will be to see me when she comes out of school "since she never gets to see you that much." Seriously? I own my own small business. I love my work. I make good money and I am home no later than 6:05pm every night. I have a happy and healthy child and great husband. I think I am luckiest person on earth.

So do I care what those women do all day? Yes. Yes, I do. Why? Because I am small and petty and I think I am better than them for being able to earn $100K+ in addition to raising a happy healthy child and enjoying life. And I wholeheartedly admit that I am not nearly as diplomatic as I might be when certain causes like less homework, graduation fees, and the like come up at school. So when one of them calls or emails about me signing a petition for less homework, I admit to responding that I just don't think an hour of homework total is too much and saying no that it does not impinge on family time at all since she does homework with her nanny before I get home. I check it over, answer any questions and then help pack up the backpack for the next day. it"s 10 minutes for me so no problem. I take a certain perverse pleasure in bumping into one of these women on my way into the nail place on the weekend while she is trailing children behind her from some store. I take an even more perverse pleasure when she says, "where is (my child's name)," and I can honestly respond, "hanging out with daddy while I get my nails done." And I know that her husband won't watch the children for 10 minutes while she pees because he is a dick and knows he doesn't have to and there is nothing she can do about it.

See? So, no, generically for the majority of you who SAH with big kids or little kids, I don't care what you do during the day. I am the mom in the business suit who tells you that there is a cart with the truck on the garage at Wegmans when I see you little guy melting down because you promised him a truck cart. I am the one who holds the door for your stroller at Starbucks. I am the one who offers you a shout wipe, hand sanitizer, or a sani-wipe when you are digging frantically in your bag. I am the one tells the guy pounding on the single bathroom door to give you a break since you went in to change a diaper. I am the one in the bathroom who quietly stands in front of the door out of the bathroom when your old enough to pee by themselves child, who is not old enough to wander unsupervised outside of the bathroom in a bog box store, escapes their stall while you are still in yours with your pants down saying, "Esmerelda! Wait for me please! Don't leave the bathroom!"

It is only when I feel that I have been insulted that I become insulting and I am working on that.

At least you admit you're small and petty and think you're better than other people. Three points for honesty. Minus five points for general ill will, the length of your post, and the last obnoxious paragraph.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
When I am minding my own business at a school function where I am volunteering in the middle of the school day in my business suit, yes, it irks me when the SAHM of my child's classmate asks me if I am going back to work after craft time, I smile and say that I am, and then she rubs my arm clucks her tongue sympathetically and says, "oh you poor thing and and poor (my child's name)." Same woman does this every time she sees me. If I show up for pick up there are several women who routinely comment that they can't wait to see how excited my child will be to see me when she comes out of school "since she never gets to see you that much."

That's really obnoxious, for them to say that. I can barely believe it is true -- some 80% of women are working once their kids are school aged for heaven's sake -- do they say this to all the moms at school or just you, for some reason?

The rest of your post was kind of obnoxious in its own way, but if this is really happening to you, I guess I can understand your bitter attitude towards these women. Sorry.