Update to previously deleted thread- my sister won’t let anyone hold her baby

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like sister is keeping the baby hostage and not allowing her family to see it, even outside. OP stop trying to see it and let her do it on her own...with her nanny of course.

How do you keep a baby hostage? Really, what does that mean? That usually means someone is held against their will and that doesn't apply to a mother and her baby. Are you in a cult? There is no requirement that a mother share her baby with her extended family - even outside. That doesn't mean a person is having mental issues. More than likely it means she has an extended family full of rude asshats.

+1

And if you asked the baby, the baby would prefer to be with her mother, not the screechy lady who authored this thread

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She may well be struggling with anxiety. Here’s what will help: show her that you listen to her, respect her, and love her.

Here’s what will not help: pushing, boundary-stomping, and judging.

Check in with her. Don’t ask about the baby. Ask about HER. You know, the person, and not just the baby-bringer-into-the-world-er? Be the one person on this planet to ask about her and show her that you care about her, and not just her baby.

Actually, no, those things don't bring relief for anxiety.

[Anonymous]

I was this anxious with my first child. And I don't know for sure, but I would have probably acted the same during a pandemic. First child anxiety x World Pandemic anxiety x lack of sleep = very high anxiety.

Be understanding and compassionate. Being that anxious is pretty exhausting.

[Anonymous]

Relax OP, by the time she has her third she won't care if it's eating off the floor. Never seen a mom like this with her third or forth child.

[Anonymous]

I had A baby at the start of the pandmeic and didn’t let anyone near him until he had his 4 month shots. I was a crazy person. Fast forward to today and my assessment of risk is different. But I was definitely closer to your SiL then not. And I’m not anymore. I’d say let her ride it out and get comfortable w the adjustment to parenthood in a pandemic.

[Anonymous]

I would just like to point out that you said some of the relatives have antibodies from having omicron. Which means they got Covid in January. Which means if she had let them hold her baby, her baby may have gotten omicron from them.

Instead, she wisely kept her baby safe. Please leave your sister alone.

[Anonymous]

Update. My sister just fired her live in nanny on the spot for hugging someone maskless. The nanny’s son came to visit- outside only allowed. He was wearing a mask during the visit. He was going to drive off but forgot to give his mom (nanny) something from the car. He walked back from the car without his mask on, gave his mom whatever it was, and hugged her.

My sister saw them hug. She told me she flipped out, screamed that nanny knows how they are about COVID precautions. Nanny apparently said “am I not allowed to hug my son? You are disrespecting me.” My sister then told her “you can hug whom ever you’d like but not while you’re living in my house.”

She has completely lost touch with reality and has zero reasonable risk assessment. The nanny packed up her stuff and is gone.

😶

[Anonymous]

Your sister is mentally ill.

[Anonymous]

The very first response to this thread was for you to talk to her husband about getting an assessment. Did you?

Her husband is the one who has to intervene here, not you. If he doesn’t want to proceed, then there’s nothing to be done. He is this baby’s father and the only other person who has standing here to determine who the baby interacts with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The very first response to this thread was for you to talk to her husband about getting an assessment. Did you?

Her husband is the one who has to intervene here, not you. If he doesn’t want to proceed, then there’s nothing to be done. He is this baby’s father and the only other person who has standing here to determine who the baby interacts with.

+1

[Anonymous]

This poster is nuts and is making things up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This poster is nuts and is making things up. [/quote
I couldn’t make this up if i tried. And why would I want to? It’s weird and scary and intense for our family.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like the sister in law is suffering from ppd. When horrible things end up happening everyone asks where was the family? Why didn't anyone intervene? I don't think intervention is necessary at this point but you sil should not have anymore kids until she seeks help. I would basically have my husband talk to his brother about that. She needs to see her primary for an assessment. I had ppd after pregnancy and didn't recognize it. My primary did and I'm grateful to her for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This poster is nuts and is making things up. [/quote
I couldn’t make this up if i tried. And why would I want to? It’s weird and scary and intense for our family.

Clearly your sister is feeling a great deal of postpartum stress and worry about her newborn baby during the pandemic. She feels that others are not sufficiently cautious. As another poster noted, had she let your family be around her baby when you complained previously, the baby may have been exposed to Omicron. (Your posts indicate that family members had it in January.) So she may feel that she's had close calls. And for all we know, the nanny's son is unvaccinated or hangs out in bars and it freaked her out.

Bottom line is that your sister needs therapy to help her navigate postpartum anxiety. It's a scary time to have a newborn. She needs support and not criticism. I'm sure you love your sister, but your postings show a lot of judgment and exasperation. Please try to find it within yourself to be kinder. Right now she may feel alone and that the family is against her. Try to have some empathy for someone who seems to be suffering.

[Anonymous]

We had a preemie 18 years ago so no pandemic. When she was released from the NICU it was RSV season. We were advised to avoid exposure so no family visits or taking her places. Her pediatrician was great and the office scheduled well visits in the morning to limit exposure for newborns in general.

After seeing full term newborns admitted into the NICU for RSV we had no intention of disregarding protecting her. The howls from extended family still piss me off 18 years later. I clearly remember which family members were respectful of our situation and which ones were selfish, entitled jerks. The only thing that kept us from going ballistic on them was DH’s aunt who had had two small preemies 30 years earlier. She and the former preemie cousins ran interference with nasty SIL, other aunts and in laws who demanded visits.