Out of town friends (family of 6) want to visit. No room. Rude to suggest hotel?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For how long? How many bathrooms? Have they stayed before and did they generally seem to understand boundaries?

We are in a different house (smaller now). Not good with boundaries, kids do what they want, don't help. Parents drink. They think we are rich and make themselves at home.

Seems like your husband wants them to stay with you, and you don’t. I’d push for an AirBnB or hotel, but if they persist and your husband gives in, I suggest you make it clear to him he’s in charge of hosting and you’re just there to be polite.

I get roped into this stuff by my H who underestimates the amount of work involved in something like this, I try to let him handle it, but it’s hard.

Also, if 5 of them are over the age of 12, these aren’t little kids who don’t need much space to sleep/won’t take forever in the bathroom/will wake up early enough to not be in the way in the morning — it’ll be awful to have them in your living room unless you have a basement you can bunk them in…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No.

Are they really COMING TO VISIT YOU?

It sounds like they are coming to "your house as their free hotel" and visit your amenities. I have a larger house and would not host a family of six who I did not extend the invitation to. Nope.

OP here. This. Now how do I address it kindly?

[Anonymous]

Have a couple of the kids stay with you. Rest of family in a hotel. That way they can get one hotel room instead 2 rooms or a suite.

Of course it also depends on whether they are popping in for a night or two or hanging out longer...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No.

Are they really COMING TO VISIT YOU?

It sounds like they are coming to "your house as their free hotel" and visit your amenities. I have a larger house and would not host a family of six who I did not extend the invitation to. Nope.

OP here. This. Now how do I address it kindly?

"We're so excited to see you guys! Let me know if you need some hotel suggestions -- we don't have the space for everyone, but can recommend some nearby places. Bring your swimsuits, because we're planning to spend Saturday at the pool and BBQ afterwards!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No.

Are they really COMING TO VISIT YOU?

It sounds like they are coming to "your house as their free hotel" and visit your amenities. I have a larger house and would not host a family of six who I did not extend the invitation to. Nope.

OP here. This. Now how do I address it kindly?

I'd text or email -

Hey Sid & Nancy! Looking forward to seeing you all -- it will be so fun to get together. Since you were last here, you know we've moved and our place is much smaller, so I'd recommend XYZ hotel or an Airbnb in ABC neighborhood so that everyone is comfortable and enjoys the time away. Once you book it, we can plan some dinners & pool time at our place. Looking forward to it!

[Anonymous]

It is NOT rude, no.

Just say "hey we don't really have space to host all 6 of you at once, but here's a super close by hotel *link*. I'm happy to host a few meals and take the kids to the pool on the weekend too!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No.

Are they really COMING TO VISIT YOU?

It sounds like they are coming to "your house as their free hotel" and visit your amenities. I have a larger house and would not host a family of six who I did not extend the invitation to. Nope.

OP here. This. Now how do I address it kindly?

I told them our house is too small to host 6. Part of family can stay ( in retrospect was rude on my part.) But I thought the big kids would want to stay home (play sports, so practice, etc). But she replied "they all want to come".

These are my friends. Husband feels they are taking advantage.

We take very good care of our house. Last time ( LONG time ago) they beat our house up pretty bad. DH can't let it go. Parents did nothing while they broke stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No.

Are they really COMING TO VISIT YOU?

It sounds like they are coming to "your house as their free hotel" and visit your amenities. I have a larger house and would not host a family of six who I did not extend the invitation to. Nope.

OP here. This. Now how do I address it kindly?

I'd text or email -

Hey Sid & Nancy! Looking forward to seeing you all -- it will be so fun to get together. Since you were last here, you know we've moved and our place is much smaller, so I'd recommend XYZ hotel or an Airbnb in ABC neighborhood so that everyone is comfortable and enjoys the time away. Once you book it, we can plan some dinners & pool time at our place. Looking forward to it!

+1

These people sound like terrible friends.

[Anonymous]

Is it too late to lie and say that you'll be out of town? Best way to do this is say, "Oh, you're coming August 2nd? Shoot! We'll be out of town that weekend! Too bad!" Or make up a really busy schedule (sports events help) so you can say that you'll be at a soccer tourney but will go to their Airbnb when you're done,.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is it too late to lie and say that you'll be out of town? Best way to do this is say, "Oh, you're coming August 2nd? Shoot! We'll be out of town that weekend! Too bad!" Or make up a really busy schedule (sports events help) so you can say that you'll be at a soccer tourney but will go to their Airbnb when you're done,.

They know our child doesn't play sports. And they aren't giving specific dates.

[Anonymous]

Op, can you post the ask? Was it something like “we want to come to dc in august, when can we stay with you?”

My mom never asked for a favor unless she thought/knew the answer would be yes, which meant she was shocked and hurt if someone said no. My uncle asks for a favor when he wants something and couldn’t care less if the answer is no, he’ll just move on to plan b. It sounds like you’re the kind of person like my mom and your friends are like my uncle — just say no. It’ll be okay.

[Anonymous]

Geeez... It is never rude to state that someone will need to stay in a hotel, or that you and your family will prefer to stay in a hotel.

[Anonymous]

Everyone needs to be their best self when visiting. If that means hotel, it means hotel. It's much more rude to not be rested, or to be resentful. Not speaking-up re: what one wants is actually quite selfish -- you're not allowing the other person the chance to do the better thing.

[Anonymous]

For two nights? Sure. Longer than two nights? Nope.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Friends want to visit. All but one are vaccinated (child under 12).

We have a child under 12, too.

Our home has one guest room.

Would it be rude to suggest they get hotel room?

We can host meals, hanging out at our house.

They want to use our community amenities ( pool, etc).

My husband and I are at odds with this.

Thanks

Your dh sounds like me...6 extra people in the house with 1 guest room? Hard no. I can't do that many people in my house, and unless you live somewhere where there is a guest wing or poolside guest house, it would always be a hard no. I can see where he's coming from, on top of the bad last stay. You need to understand his feelings. And just say "Oh gosh we want to see you (if that is the case for you), but we just don't have the room here.".
Being on the side of my dh wanting his family to come visit last year during the pandemic (June), I was a hard no, and he just kept pushing and pushing and said "But they already planned to come and I can't say no", I still have really hard feelings about this.