Out of town friends (family of 6) want to visit. No room. Rude to suggest hotel?
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Anonymous
| How did this happen? If they invited themselves, definitely set a firm rule about how many people can stay in your house. "We only have room for XYZ. There's a great hotel in Larlaville." |
Anonymous
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What’s that old saying? Guests and fish smell after three days.
I’d tell the merry-makers to get an AirBnB. |
Anonymous
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I didn’t read the replies but wanted to say that I allowed this (similar situation with friends) once, and was immediately sorry I had. We just do not have the space. It was a looong 4 days.
We live in a popular warm weather vacation location and have since directed most people to a nearby hotel or condo rental. We cover nearly all meals (hosted at our home mostly, but also take them too) if the visitors are specifically coming to see US but we have them stay elsewhere. |
Anonymous
OMG OP. Grow a backbone. This is a hard NO. You don’t want them staying with you it’s obvious. Just tell them you’d love to see them but they cannot stay with you. Honestly, I’m the type of person that if they pressed me I would tell them why. You may lose a friendship over this but for gods sake why would you allow people to come in and destroy your property and then allow them to come back and do it again? Do not be a doormat. |
Anonymous
| OP, there’s no helping you if you YOURSELF have no respect for yourself and your boundaries. |
Anonymous
| Why do you care SO much about being rude to them, when they’ve shown they don’t care about being rude to you? It’s rude to invite yourself to someone’s house, it’s rude to break things, it’s rude to make a mess and not clean up. |
Anonymous
| It depends on how close they are. For very close friends I would make it work even if I wasn't happy about it. |
Anonymous
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OP say no. Do not worry that they will be offended. They may act offended but what they really are upset about is that they didn’t get what they want.
Did they worry that you might be offended if they invited themselves? Nope. Did they worry that you might be offended if their kids broke things? Nope. Did they worry that you might be offended if they made themselves at home and overstayed? Nope. Your DH is 100% correct that they are trashy people taking advantage of you. |
Anonymous
No. Very close friends who don't watch their kids and let them break things and not clean up? I'd have a word with you and it won't happen again. |
Anonymous
| Just blame your husband and the quarantine. Say after a year quarantining with your own kids your husband needs peace and quiet. That you wouldn’t mind but your husband says absolutely no. |
Anonymous
OP - I've been in your shoes before and I get it. We live within a short walk from the national mall/metros and have a pool, and we get frequent requests from friends and family to crash with us. We are busy with work and school and love to see people who are important to us, but also realized that we really just can't run a free air bnb. Sometimes we gladly say yes to hosting people and that made me feel guilty about not hosting everyone within the same closeness of relationship. One of them was someone who I adore beyond pretty much any other person, and her children and husband. All super super sweet people, but oh my God when they stayed with us it makes it feel like 20 (instead of 4) extra people are in the space. Not to mention that one of their kids gets increasingly hyper the more tired they get, so after a long day out and about with them it was just too much to not have a space with peace and quiet to return to. They were quicker to respond to spills, complaints, etc. than your friends sound, but it's still stressful to have had what's usually more like a year's worth of accidents/messes happen in the span of a weekend. It really took away from the enjoyment of time with them. I know that a hotel is expensive for them and I knew that telling them they'd need to stay in one when they visited would be hard, but I did it and am glad that I did. I don't think she liked hearing it, but I also know that it was nonetheless an ok thing for me to have done. I said what others have suggested (in a conversation, not by text). It sounds like your worry is not so much about how to say it kindly, but how to say it without them having negative feelings about it. So if that's the case, it already sounds like you're plenty kind and it is ok to set that limit. They might not like hearing it, but if it does end up somehow damaging your connection with them, I really think that says more about them than you. You can love someone and still not owe them open use of your home whenever they want it. |
Anonymous
| OP here. Good advice here. Thank you. I don't like confrontation and avoid it. Looks like I am going to have to be straight with her and tell her no. Ugh. I hate this. |
Anonymous
| You'll feel better confronting them and telling them you're unable to do it, than not and then being miserable that you didn't, resentful that they're coming, resentful that they're there, miserable while they're there, and more friction between you and DH. Would you rather have a one-time unpleasant moment telling them no or weeks and days and hours of unpleasantness because you didn't? |
Anonymous
OP- Hold onto this: Clear is kind; unclear is unkind. What you are characterizing as “confrontation” is really just being clear…which is also being kind. When you’re muddled and fuzzy and unclear (telling someone they can come visit when you really don’t have room and will resent them), that is being unkind. |
Anonymous
| I love when families stay with us! Kids love it too. We make breakfast together, then go to some activity like a water park, then order pizza for dinner and watch a movie. Definitely something our family looks forward to. |