Mom Buying Too Many Clothes For My Kid...Am I Overreacting?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm curious how your mom would know if you give something away? Does she go through your kid's closets? Because that is extremely creepy.

My mom did this, and I would donate half the stuff before my kid even saw it.

She hypes it up to my daughter ahead of time, like "Grandma's going to buy you this awesome thing! It's almost here! Grandma will bring it next time she comes over!"
Then she absolutely wants to give it to her to see the reaction (or at least get a picture of us giving it to her), so donating before the kid sees it is not an option.

Afterward, she will just say things like "Oh, I haven't seen Larla wear that unicorn sweatshirt in a while, you haven't donated it have you?"

And she does look at her closet sometimes. When she comes over to play with my daughter, say they play at home for a bit and then are going to the playground. So then she takes her to change into an outfit that's more appropriate for the playground, and then they're going through the dresser and closet and she will see what's not there and what is.

LEt your daughter receive the gift, take the pic, say thank you......and then donate it if she isn't wearing it.

As to your mom's follow up asking about the item...just tell her the truth. No need to hide that fact. It might even help your mom get the hint.

Basically- you can't control what your mom does and she can't control what you do. No biggie.

[Anonymous]

"Mom, the excess clothing and gifts you are giving us is causing me stress, and I'm ending this now. From now on, whatever you give us that is excessive, I will be donating. You are causing clutter, wasted time, and unrealistic expectations about gifts and materialism for my daughter. I will not be discussing this again. If you don't want the items to be immediately donated, you can talk to me, specifically, about what you want to give."

[Anonymous]

My MIL was really bad about this. I started bringing things back to her house “for when the kids are over here since their bedroom/closet/bookshelf is overflowing” and it stopped because the burden was on her now.

[Anonymous]

"No thank you; we have too many clothes [books/toys/games] and our closets are overflowing. If those can't be returned, please donate them."

You do not have to receive gifts.

[Anonymous]

Once the interest in the items fades donate it right away. When your Mom comments, just say she gets so much and knows more new stuff will come along soon so there is no long lasting appreciation or value to the item. Keep repeating that doing stuff with her is of much greater value than stuff. Create memories not excess stuff.

[Anonymous]

Can you let your mom be shoes and you be clothes? She can be all boots flip flops sandals etc and she can take her out and get her fitted a few times a year, get her lunch and make a day of it.

[Anonymous]

My parents are local and used to do this. I've asked them nicely not to, but they don't listen. So I started to return most of the items back to the store ($ goes back to their credit card). It took a while and they were upset but they finally got the message. Now, I'll ask them to buy specific items, ie sneakers that my kid had out grown, win win.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Give her a limit and tell her anything after that will be donated. Tell her she is taking away your ability to enjoy picking out clothes for your kid.

This. Set a limit and stick to it. If you tell her ahead of time, Mom, I am donating anything beyond 3 summer outfits and 3 winter outfits in any given size, she really cannot get upset when you follow through. Do it multiple times and eventually she will stop.

Or spend less time with her if there are gifts every single time.

Eventually your kid will have her own taste and I can tell you from experience it most likely won't match grandmas. We donate 90% of what both grandmas by my kids in terms of clothes, not because it is too much, but because my kids refuse to wear it.

[Anonymous]

My mom did this. She would extreme coupon for kid clothes and literally bring me trashbags full of new clothes. I would keep what I needed and thought was cute and donate the rest with tags still on. I would just ignore her passing comments about donating, if she keeps asking "it's generous of you to buy Larla clothes and I appreciate it, but you buy more than she can ever use and more than I can store. Either you can buy fewer clothes or I am going to keep giving them to kids in need who can actually use them."

[Anonymous]

Understanding that she can't afford kid classes, can you divert her attention to taking your daughter out for a treat like ice cream or a donut? It wouldn't be a big financial investment for your mother, your DD would enjoy it, and you wouldn't have to worry about storage. Ultimately, she is looking for a way to connect with your DD, so I would try to come up with low cost ways to help make that happen.

[Anonymous]

My MIL did this for a while but at some point she stopped being able to predict the right sizes because my girls were growing like weeds and as soon as I explained that and gave it back to her with tags on to return, she stopped buying so many clothes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That would irk me...but not too much.

Your mother said that it gives her joy to give gifts to her grandchild, and that should count for something. And it isn't really doing any harm.

That being said, a couple things you can do:
1. Continue to have gentle talks with your mom about other ways she can show her grandchild she loves them- visits, trips, experiences, cook together, etc. Also tell her that it would be great if she wanted to invest in her grandchild's future, a 529 or something.
2. Feel absolutely ZERO guilt about donating or regifting some of those items. Gifts comes without strings. And maybe if she sees that the clothes she gives don't last long, she will think of other options.
3. Use the opportunity to teach our child gratitude and charity- make sure she knows these ae gifts and not entitlements. Have her write a thank you note, or at least ring your mom to give a sincere thank you Every Single Time. And when you donate the items, have the conversations about why it is important to share with others.

Ha! My in-laws gave my now 13-year-old 50 bucks in cash when she turned 10. That was the extent of their 'gifting' throughout her entire childhood. The assholes are loaded, just cheap AF.
OP, I'd love to have your 'problem'.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here...for those saying I should just let it go, where do I put the stuff? My daughter has an overflowing closet and dresser already, there is literally no room for any more stuff.

Also, about redirecting grandma to buying experience gifts, classes, etc...she can't afford those things. She buys everything on deep deep deep discount - she spends hours and hours looking for deals and enjoys it. She says that she can get 20 outfits for the price of one kid class and we should buy our own classes.

Tell mom once you gift the receiver can do what they want with the gift. Maybe out of four shirts she gives your dd have her pick one or two she really loves and get your dd interested in donating the other two. Maybe she can find joy in seeing others happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That would irk me...but not too much.

Your mother said that it gives her joy to give gifts to her grandchild, and that should count for something. And it isn't really doing any harm.

That being said, a couple things you can do:
1. Continue to have gentle talks with your mom about other ways she can show her grandchild she loves them- visits, trips, experiences, cook together, etc. Also tell her that it would be great if she wanted to invest in her grandchild's future, a 529 or something.
2. Feel absolutely ZERO guilt about donating or regifting some of those items. Gifts comes without strings. And maybe if she sees that the clothes she gives don't last long, she will think of other options.
3. Use the opportunity to teach our child gratitude and charity- make sure she knows these ae gifts and not entitlements. Have her write a thank you note, or at least ring your mom to give a sincere thank you Every Single Time. And when you donate the items, have the conversations about why it is important to share with others.

Ha! My in-laws gave my now 13-year-old 50 bucks in cash when she turned 10. That was the extent of their 'gifting' throughout her entire childhood. The assholes are loaded, just cheap AF.
OP, I'd love to have your 'problem'.

Pp clearly you have issues if your own but it can be a problem so please don't gaslight the op. Not cool.

[Anonymous]

Give her a limit - 2 outfits per season, anything else gets donated. She asks about the unicorn sweatshirt - sorry mom, you also gave her the penguin sweatshirt and the snow man sweater and we couldn’t fit them all in the drawer so the unicorn had to go.

My ILs are the same way but with lots of random junky toys for every holiday (even minor ones -St. Patrick’s day! 4th of July!) They live far away and love to shop, so going to the dollar store every month or two and buying stuff for the grandkids is a fun activity for them and also a way to show love. It drives me nuts because I am the one who has to deal with a million toys that break immediately. I try to think of it as allowing it is my way of showing love for them. I care about them and I am glad this brings them joy. DH and I have asked them repeatedly to tone it down, and I just deal with throwing away the junk. Redirecting the generosity has been unsuccessful.