Spend Mothers' Day Not Mothering?

[Anonymous]

I agree with you OP, and it sends a REALLY bad message to our young children that we don't want to be with them. We would not be mothers if it wasn't for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm divorced and share joint physical custody. When we wrote the settlement agreement, we made sure that it explicitly stated that the children would be with mom on Mothers Day, and with dad on Fathers Day. Neither lawyer, the mediators, nor the judge raised questions about the desire of the parents to be in the presence of their children on those special days. The assumption seems to be that being with one's children on a special occasion or holiday is a positive experience that a parent would claim the right to, not a negative thing to be avoided. In fact, I wish now that we'd included language about each parent having the children for the parents' birthdays so that it were clear that I'd have my loved ones around on my special day. This isn't about martyrdom. It's about who you want at your side when you celebrate.

I spend hours a day with my children. I make nearly all their meals. I buy all their clothes. I do their laundry, I wash their dishes, I make sure they are bathed, teeth brushed, see doctors regularly, get tutors when they need them, have a loving home, when they’re sad I comfort them, when they’re mad I help them process it. I do plenty with and for them. An afternoon in the hammock reading a book of my own choosing and ignoring their needs in favor of my own for one day won’t wreck their childhood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a mom, I was taken aback when I saw that other moms of young kids were planning to celebrate the day by not being with their kids. Sure, we all need a break now and then. But specifically asking to not have your kids around as the way to celebrate being a mother seems really odd to me.

How do the little children feel about this? I imagine this would have hurt my feelings when I was a child.

There is nothing odd about it just because you do things differently! How about staying in your lane and stop judging others. Btw, I celebrate with my kids and have my own time too! It is possible.

OP, how old are your kids? I felt as you do when my kids were little, but over the years, when that magical alternative Day for Mom to Do Something for Herself Day doesn't materialize, you change your mind.

The reality is that for most of us, Mother's Day is just another day of obligation where we we pay tribute to our mothers and mothers in law.

[Anonymous]

This has to be a troll. No one can be that dense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This has to be a troll. No one can be that dense.

Of course they can. It's two of the DCUM classics: black and white thinking (you spend all day with your kids or you don't see them at all) and everyone must do things exactly the same as I do (I just can't fathom what these mothers are thinking).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids are 2, 5, and 7. We will do something all together in the morning and then I will do something by myself in the afternoon. Little kids don’t think in terms of whole days. They will be excited to make me a poorly cooked breakfast with dad and then play a game. Then they will get distracted by their own plans and ideas and kind of forget it’s Mother’s Day. That is how little kids are. Their attention spans are short.

This. Little kids do not Mark time in such a way that they will notice if you spend part of the day getting a manicure.

[Anonymous]

I understand being lazy, lounging in the bed and taking a long soak in the bath tub...but can't understand being away from the kids. Don't mind if they get in the bed with me and snuggle and nap. I am all for takeout and letting things slide as far as chores are concerned. Plus, the breakfast in tray is toooooo darn cute to pass up on any day, let alone mother's day. Are your kids not cute? Are they unlovable and hideous? I can't understand the idea of not Mothering. Being with your children and lazing together is Mothering.

[Anonymous]

I mean...I am going to see my kids (all under 4) and do a little Mother’s Day brunch at home but you bet I’m spending most of the day by myself doing whatever I want to do.

I don’t think it would ever occur to them that I’m doing something alone because I don’t love them. I mother all day every day, I’m using Mother’s Day to reward myself for the hard work I put in. And I can love my kids and also love myself

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are 2, 5, and 7. We will do something all together in the morning and then I will do something by myself in the afternoon. Little kids don’t think in terms of whole days. They will be excited to make me a poorly cooked breakfast with dad and then play a game. Then they will get distracted by their own plans and ideas and kind of forget it’s Mother’s Day. That is how little kids are. Their attention spans are short.

This. Little kids do not Mark time in such a way that they will notice if you spend part of the day getting a manicure.

+1. Kids generally want to participate in doing something celebratory but they move on quickly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm divorced and share joint physical custody. When we wrote the settlement agreement, we made sure that it explicitly stated that the children would be with mom on Mothers Day, and with dad on Fathers Day. Neither lawyer, the mediators, nor the judge raised questions about the desire of the parents to be in the presence of their children on those special days. The assumption seems to be that being with one's children on a special occasion or holiday is a positive experience that a parent would claim the right to, not a negative thing to be avoided. In fact, I wish now that we'd included language about each parent having the children for the parents' birthdays so that it were clear that I'd have my loved ones around on my special day. This isn't about martyrdom. It's about who you want at your side when you celebrate.

Based on your post, I'm not surprised. Barf.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I understand being lazy, lounging in the bed and taking a long soak in the bath tub...but can't understand being away from the kids. Don't mind if they get in the bed with me and snuggle and nap. I am all for takeout and letting things slide as far as chores are concerned. Plus, the breakfast in tray is toooooo darn cute to pass up on any day, let alone mother's day. Are your kids not cute? Are they unlovable and hideous? I can't understand the idea of not Mothering. Being with your children and lazing together is Mothering.

I mean I love a snuggly breakfast in bed with the kids but there like 10 more hours in the day. And they are cute but a massage sounds great.

[Anonymous]

Ugh the idea of mothers day being about spending more special time with kids makes me cringe.

I am not entirely alone for Mother’s Day, we still have nice times together, but my kids know that I need alone time and they respect that (and when they were too little to understand they didn’t care).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm divorced and share joint physical custody. When we wrote the settlement agreement, we made sure that it explicitly stated that the children would be with mom on Mothers Day, and with dad on Fathers Day. Neither lawyer, the mediators, nor the judge raised questions about the desire of the parents to be in the presence of their children on those special days. The assumption seems to be that being with one's children on a special occasion or holiday is a positive experience that a parent would claim the right to, not a negative thing to be avoided. In fact, I wish now that we'd included language about each parent having the children for the parents' birthdays so that it were clear that I'd have my loved ones around on my special day. This isn't about martyrdom. It's about who you want at your side when you celebrate.

My husband and I both claim every day with our kids as a positive experience to claim a right to, and not something to be avoided. So you go ahead and judge me for celebrating one day where I only see them for brunch before having a spa day. I see my kids every day. I’m a full-time parent. I’m with my loved ones every day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm divorced and share joint physical custody. When we wrote the settlement agreement, we made sure that it explicitly stated that the children would be with mom on Mothers Day, and with dad on Fathers Day. Neither lawyer, the mediators, nor the judge raised questions about the desire of the parents to be in the presence of their children on those special days. The assumption seems to be that being with one's children on a special occasion or holiday is a positive experience that a parent would claim the right to, not a negative thing to be avoided. In fact, I wish now that we'd included language about each parent having the children for the parents' birthdays so that it were clear that I'd have my loved ones around on my special day. This isn't about martyrdom. It's about who you want at your side when you celebrate.

My husband and I both claim every day with our kids as a positive experience to claim a right to, and not something to be avoided. So you go ahead and judge me for celebrating one day where I only see them for brunch before having a spa day. I see my kids every day. I’m a full-time parent. I’m with my loved ones every day.

I think peoples opinions on this depend on their circumstance. As a sahm I love celebrating Mother’s Day with the kids with breakfast in bed but I’m not exactly desperate to spend the whole day mothering them. I’m lucky enough that that’s everyday. So I choose to do something special for myself on Mother’s Day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with you OP, and it sends a REALLY bad message to our young children that we don't want to be with them. We would not be mothers if it wasn't for them.