Spend Mothers' Day Not Mothering?

Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:I had brunch with DH and DS and then I went to hi


Sorry- then I went to Home Depot and did my own thing. It was fine.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:As a mom, I was taken aback when I saw that other moms of young kids were planning to celebrate the day by not being with their kids. Sure, we all need a break now and then. But specifically asking to not have your kids around as the way to celebrate being a mother seems really odd to me.

How do the little children feel about this? I imagine this would have hurt my feelings when I was a child.


You think that it would have hurt your feelings as a child is, on Mother's Day, your Mom wanted to do something that she wanted to do, that didn't involve you?

I hope you've since sought help for . . . whatever this affliction is called.

Np. Yes it would have hurt my feelings.

Pick a different Sunday to have a day to yourself. Some little kids do pick up on the sense that you would rather NOT celebrate being a mom.

I say this as someone who relished in spending my first Mothers Day sleeping. Once my kid was old enough to care, I decided to allow him to do Mother's Day with me.


I think part of this is the way you view Mother's Day. I always viewed it, and still do, as a day for kids (and others) to recognize and appreciate how much our mothers do for us, and show that appreciation by relieving them of some of that responsibility for a short time. That means they get to do what they want, and if that's sleep go to a spa for a day or go away with friends, so be it.

You, on the other hand, think it is about "celebrat[ing] being a mom." I don't even know what that means.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Aww, divorced mom who only sees her kids 50% of the time being sanctimonious about me taking PART of one day to myself is cute. I tuck my kids in about 360 days a year, and hug them when they wake. We’re great, thanks.


I'm a divorced mom but have primary custody, he's an every other weekend dad. We have been separated for three years now. Because he's an every other weekend dad he has the kids friday to monday, and though our divorce agreement allows me to spend mothers day with my kids, he is controlling and abusive and its harder to approach him about the logistics of how to pick up my kids and return them to him (we have contactless handoffs through school as I have had a restraining order against him), so I don't bother trying. My kids know that I've gone to the mat for them, that I support them emotionally, financially, physically. They have such limited time with their Dad that I feel childish insisting on taking time from him to anoint myself "MOTHER" on some contrived day. They know who i am and what I do every day. They love me and I love them, paying extra to jockey for a mediocre brunch spot doesn't prove a thing.

So unlike previous divorced Mom, I have enjoyed my past two mothers days where I didn't have my kids by taking a spa weekend or a camping trip with a friend, and facetiming with my kids while my DH ran them to lacrosse games and other events.

THis year they are with me and its the first one where I find myself very sad. My ex's job moved us far from family a year before he left, so I am sad that my entire family is getting together to celebrate together, and we are across the country. My kids are 11-14 so cant drive, and their father would NEVER help them get me a gift or a card, so they have complicated feelings about not having anything for me. That means that I plan my "special" thing, which then doesn't feel that special. I plan that "special" thing around the driving to three lacrosse games, which is challenging. At all of the games you see Dad's there doting on their wives, I am alone.

I would much prefer to be safely in a spa, while the day went on. I find myself mired in sorrow and resentment (Dad is an addict with rage issues, hence the dissolution of marriage and his limited custody).

All of that said, the fact that a mother could come on here on this weekend and basically slam a mom who may have had NO CHOICE in divorce for not being a "full time parent" or pointing out something she may rue with all of her being (I tuck my kids in each night) is pretty shameful.

As you celebrate today, know you have a cold rotten heart.



NP here - stuff it. If the first divorced mom hadn't been so sanctimonious, she wouldn't have gotten this response.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:This thread is awesome. It started off with normal judgment, but now we have street fighter mom (my new favorite poster-I really need to put most of those sentiments in a card and send it to my boss), someone got incepted, and a kid gave his mom the gift of pooping in the downstairs bathroom.


Don't forget the pregnant mom who is crying because her husband, the fiend, decided to take the kids out of the house so she could sleep in and heve some peace and quiet. He is truly history's greatest monster.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Just checked into the Ritz so I can have an evening and morning off, sleep in and order room service. SAHM to several children including one with severe special needs and I have been with my children at home 24/7 for the last YEAR so this is my one break. Will be home by noon to spend the day with them. Zero guilt.


Hope your getaway was as perfect as it sounded. Wish I could have sent a bottle of something fantastic up!

Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Well I came downstairs to a note from dh and cold coffee. He’d taken the kids out hiking for the day. So bummed and crying now. I guess I had thought I’d wake up to toddler snuggles and breakfast in bed. I’d even stayed in bed until 9:30 waiting. I would have gone hiking. I’m sure it pregnancy hormone but I’m just sad to not see them


See this would be my dream come true! If my husband got the kids out of the house without me, to plan it and pack food. Wow. That’d be awesome.

+1 be glad for the peace and quiet sure you wouldn't be procreating multiple times if your DH wasn't good enough for you


Right! I was desperately hoping that putting the baby in the hiking backpack and heading out for a long while was part of DH's plan. I could use a pedicure and an uninterrupted cup of coffee.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Hi from a retreat with my fully vaccinated closest friends! We are nurses and teachers who been through pandemic hell and will be home in time for Mother’s Day dinner with our families.

We’re enjoying hikes, hot tubs, and wineries. Enjoy your martyrdom and judgment. We don’t give a fig what you think of us.


God bless you all (I’m not even religious). You guys freaking deserve this. And I hope you had the time of your lives!


Thank you! We did! I hope you had a great day as well. God bless you, too!

Like I said, home in time for a nice dinner with my kids, they gave me lovely homemade presents, and I came back refreshed and recharged. I'm back to it today, dealing with hybrid learning, a full-time job, packing lunches, laundry, etc. So do I feel guilty being away from my kids for part of Mother's Day like OP so desperately wanted me to? HELL TO THE NO!
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Well I came downstairs to a note from dh and cold coffee. He’d taken the kids out hiking for the day. So bummed and crying now. I guess I had thought I’d wake up to toddler snuggles and breakfast in bed. I’d even stayed in bed until 9:30 waiting. I would have gone hiking. I’m sure it pregnancy hormone but I’m just sad to not see them


Your husband took a toddler hiking?

This doesn’t add up...


NP. You must not get out much/you must not be remotely outdoorsy. They have backpacks designed for hiking with babies and toddlers. I was hiking in Hocking Hills State Park in Ohio and saw many, many families with toddlers and small kids hiking this way. Just because you've never been to a Dick's Sporting Goods or set foot on a hiking trail doesn't mean that this doesn't "add up."
Anonymous
I asked for a weekend off childcare (mostly off, not totally), DS is 2. I love gardening and never get to do it anymore, so that's what I did to recharge batteries. The rest of the year is one long mother's day where I fulfill others' needs. This was for me, and I loved it.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Well I came downstairs to a note from dh and cold coffee. He’d taken the kids out hiking for the day. So bummed and crying now. I guess I had thought I’d wake up to toddler snuggles and breakfast in bed. I’d even stayed in bed until 9:30 waiting. I would have gone hiking. I’m sure it pregnancy hormone but I’m just sad to not see them


Your husband took a toddler hiking?

This doesn’t add up...


NP. You must not get out much/you must not be remotely outdoorsy. They have backpacks designed for hiking with babies and toddlers. I was hiking in Hocking Hills State Park in Ohio and saw many, many families with toddlers and small kids hiking this way. Just because you've never been to a Dick's Sporting Goods or set foot on a hiking trail doesn't mean that this doesn't "add up."


Right?! We've taken babies hiking since they were like 3 months old. We have fancy hiking carriers, but after 2 years old, they can walk for miles.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:As a mom, I was taken aback when I saw that other moms of young kids were planning to celebrate the day by not being with their kids. Sure, we all need a break now and then. But specifically asking to not have your kids around as the way to celebrate being a mother seems really odd to me.

How do the little children feel about this? I imagine this would have hurt my feelings when I was a child.



So you spent Mother's Day judging other mothers?

I'm sure your kids were hurt that you weren't 100% focusing on them.

Anonymous
I took the day off of mothering. Told my kids to get their own breakfast, get dressed themselves, and clean up after themselves.
Then I told my 6 year old that he needed to wear matching shoes to mass...

He told me that I could either be lazy or be bossy, but not both
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