Girlfriend Wants A Break

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are very worried you are going to lose her think about what that means about how you feel. Do you have a history of commitment phobia? Do you see yourself getting married TO HER? YOu have only been dating this covid year? It's not a normal year to get your bearing in a relationship.

OP here. I don’t have any commitment issues. I plan on marrying her. Most of our relationship has been during the pandemic. I want to wait a little longer because we won’t even be able to plan a wedding anyway with the pandemic. I also want her to be able to meet my family.

What country are you from?

OP here. Here. What makes you think I’m not American?

[Anonymous]

I would say with your ages to ask her now. Otherwise she may move on.

[Anonymous]

So she wants to take a break and you live together? Is she moving out?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So she wants to take a break and you live together? Is she moving out?

OP here. She went to stay with a friend while she thinks about things.

[Anonymous]

Not sure you guys will weather this, honestly. Even if you propose in the next 3 months she’ll either resent the fact that she felt the need to basically beg you to marry her or you’ll resent her for making you feel rushed. Based on ages, she’s right by the way. But if you don’t feel it, you don’t feel it. Her expectations have already been dashed so don’t be surprised when this doesn’t work out. Pretty clueless of you to be 35 and dating a woman in her 30s and not understand the timing.

[Anonymous]

Yeah I think by 35 you really just either know or not by a year. Sounds like you aren’t ready and that’s fine, but let her go.

[Anonymous]

If you love her, you really need to tell her you are proposing soon and do it soon. You can get married next year.

She does not have time to waste.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are very worried you are going to lose her think about what that means about how you feel. Do you have a history of commitment phobia? Do you see yourself getting married TO HER? YOu have only been dating this covid year? It's not a normal year to get your bearing in a relationship.

OP here. I don’t have any commitment issues. I plan on marrying her. Most of our relationship has been during the pandemic. I want to wait a little longer because we won’t even be able to plan a wedding anyway with the pandemic. I also want her to be able to meet my family.

NP - Is there something you think you may learn with friends and family that will change your mind? If not, there is no reason you can’t figure out a way, whether it’s on FaceTime or an outdoor socially distanced small gathering with close family (like parents) in order for them to at least know who she is and everyone else can get to know her better as your fiancée once things open up and you can meet in person. If you need to meet everyone in person, knowing that is delayed with the pandemic, to be confident of your choice, okay, but it’s fair for her to say she doesn’t want to wait that long for an audition so to speak.

As for the venue, logistically, there are a bunch of people with weddings planned in 2020 and early 2021 that postponed plus people that got engaged in that timeframe that will all be planning weddings when everywhere opens up for big weddings again. Unless you are extremely flexible, having a small wedding, going to a courthouse etc, it could take 1.5 year engagement to get the venue you want and timeframe etc. I was married pre-pandemic many years ago and we had 1.5 year engagement because I wanted a Spring wedding and we were engaged in December. All the venues we wanted were booked a year in advance for a Saturday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you want to marry her? If not, then let her go.

OP here. Yes. I’m very in love with her and plan on proposing sometime this year. I just don’t see the rush.

Shit or get off the pot, OP. A year, and living together, is enough to know if this person has the qualities you can tolerate for the duration of a marriage. Nothing magic will happen in a few more months’ time to give you 100% certainty. Anyway marriage is a day by day decision to keep loving, keep working, keep showing up in the relationship. If you put a ring on it and she suddenly turns crazy, you can always call off the engagement.

But if you really love her, step up or LET HER GO. Because she’s old enough now that she hasn’t got a lot of time to be wasting on you if she wants to marry and have a few years to enjoy marriage without kids before having kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you want to marry her? If not, then let her go.

OP here. Yes. I’m very in love with her and plan on proposing sometime this year. I just don’t see the rush.

Seems like a moot point now. She’s gone.

[Anonymous]

What did you tell her that made her want to take a break?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are very worried you are going to lose her think about what that means about how you feel. Do you have a history of commitment phobia? Do you see yourself getting married TO HER? YOu have only been dating this covid year? It's not a normal year to get your bearing in a relationship.

OP here. I don’t have any commitment issues. I plan on marrying her. Most of our relationship has been during the pandemic. I want to wait a little longer because we won’t even be able to plan a wedding anyway with the pandemic. I also want her to be able to meet my family.

NP - Is there something you think you may learn with friends and family that will change your mind? If not, there is no reason you can’t figure out a way, whether it’s on FaceTime or an outdoor socially distanced small gathering with close family (like parents) in order for them to at least know who she is and everyone else can get to know her better as your fiancée once things open up and you can meet in person. If you need to meet everyone in person, knowing that is delayed with the pandemic, to be confident of your choice, okay, but it’s fair for her to say she doesn’t want to wait that long for an audition so to speak.

As for the venue, logistically, there are a bunch of people with weddings planned in 2020 and early 2021 that postponed plus people that got engaged in that timeframe that will all be planning weddings when everywhere opens up for big weddings again. Unless you are extremely flexible, having a small wedding, going to a courthouse etc, it could take 1.5 year engagement to get the venue you want and timeframe etc. I was married pre-pandemic many years ago and we had 1.5 year engagement because I wanted a Spring wedding and we were engaged in December. All the venues we wanted were booked a year in advance for a Saturday.

OP here. Neither of us have met any of each others families beyond me meeting her parents. My parents live in another state and so does my brother. They met her over video but that’s it. It’s important to me that they meet and get along.

[Anonymous]

If you love her and want to spend your life with her, a year doesn’t make that bug of a difference. Everything isn’t always cookie cutter perfect as we hope it can be in our minds. Reality is practical life has flaws and it has surprising beauty to. Live and let live. Or let her go, if you can’t.

Changing a relationship status doesn’t always change your heart. You should commend your gf for taking her life seriously and not leaving it up to some other persons timeline.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are very worried you are going to lose her think about what that means about how you feel. Do you have a history of commitment phobia? Do you see yourself getting married TO HER? YOu have only been dating this covid year? It's not a normal year to get your bearing in a relationship.

OP here. I don’t have any commitment issues. I plan on marrying her. Most of our relationship has been during the pandemic. I want to wait a little longer because we won’t even be able to plan a wedding anyway with the pandemic. I also want her to be able to meet my family.

NP - Is there something you think you may learn with friends and family that will change your mind? If not, there is no reason you can’t figure out a way, whether it’s on FaceTime or an outdoor socially distanced small gathering with close family (like parents) in order for them to at least know who she is and everyone else can get to know her better as your fiancée once things open up and you can meet in person. If you need to meet everyone in person, knowing that is delayed with the pandemic, to be confident of your choice, okay, but it’s fair for her to say she doesn’t want to wait that long for an audition so to speak.

As for the venue, logistically, there are a bunch of people with weddings planned in 2020 and early 2021 that postponed plus people that got engaged in that timeframe that will all be planning weddings when everywhere opens up for big weddings again. Unless you are extremely flexible, having a small wedding, going to a courthouse etc, it could take 1.5 year engagement to get the venue you want and timeframe etc. I was married pre-pandemic many years ago and we had 1.5 year engagement because I wanted a Spring wedding and we were engaged in December. All the venues we wanted were booked a year in advance for a Saturday.

OP here. Neither of us have met any of each others families beyond me meeting her parents. My parents live in another state and so does my brother. They met her over video but that’s it. It’s important to me that they meet and get along.

If they meet and don’t get along are you going to break up with her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What did you tell her that made her want to take a break?

OP here. I told her that I loved her and wanted to marry her. We should get engaged later this year and have a wedding next fall like she wants. She told me she doesn’t want to wait that long to get engaged we talked about how I wanted her to meet my family first and how I want to take her somewhere to propose or have family involved. She seemed fine with it but then told me she wants a break to thinks things over.