Girlfriend Wants A Break

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This relationship is over, she’s getting a little space from you to make the break easier; she doesn’t see herrself with you. Women who want you are unlikely to suggest any sort of break for fear that you will find something better; she pretty much wants you to find someone else so she doesn’t have to be the bad guy and end this. I’m sorry but you should enthusiastically send her on her break with lots of cheer in your voice then fire your apps up again and let the healing begin. Spring is here and the sundresses are coming out of the back if closets all over town!

How you arrived at this conclusion truly boggles the mind of a normal functioning adult. The bolded in particular is the reasoning of a middle school 7the grader that wakes up to wet dreams and cannot control his urges around the girls. Can you see how you are projecting (your issues) here?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are you? If 25, she’s being unreasonable. If she’s 30x she’s being a bit pushy but not crazy. If 35, she’s absolutely right.

OP here. She’s 31 and I’m 35.

There's your answer dude. Women aren't dumb. She doesn't want to waste her time if you don't want to get married.

If you want to hang onto this relationship I'd suggest individual therapy for you and then couples therapy. You're 35, you've been dating a year. Being married a year from now is not "Rushing things." Stop being a man baby and figure it out.

Yes, I think OP is on a different timer and all the buzzers going off around her don’t help. While I agree that at 35 you should know yourself well enough to identify a partner without fear, I don’t think anyone should rush into marriage, it truly has to be something both people want. But I do think that a clear conversation about timing and no ambiguity would canoe space for a resolution. Right now OP has his assumptions and the GF has hers — communication is more important than anything in the long run, esp a marriage. There is no harm in the discussion; if nothing else they both learn how to articulate and engage on topics that may be uncomfortable. People that cannot understand each other and work to do that should not get married.

[Anonymous]

She wants a family. Her clock is ticking even if yours isn’t. She’s invested a year and she thinks that’s enough. If you think that isn’t break up, because it doesn’t sound like she wants to give you another one to figure it out

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. She is not immature. I do understand how she may be feeling. She watched friends stay in relationships for years with the intentions of getting married and it never happened. I do think she is worried that it may never happen. I also think the fact that everyone is getting engaged and married is making her feel like she needs a timeline in order to have kids. She has always said she wants two kids and wants to have kids by 40.

You blew it. You're the girlfriend looking for reassurance you did the right thing pretending you're the boyfriend.

Good luck to you girl. You do need to grow up, you aren't ready for marriage no matter what you think, and you if you do you'll be marrying the wrong guy for the wrong reasons.

My immediate thought too. This is the GF who wants to be the fiance.

[Anonymous]

She IS immature. If she’s 31 and wants yo have kids by 40 then what’s the rush. I still think she wants to be engaged and married regardless of who it is (she thinks it will elevate her status with her group of friends), you just happen to be there and she likes you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think either of you is wrong in your desires. I just don't think you are right for each other.

Sounds cruel to say, but the best thing that could happen is for you to split and find other people you are more compatible with.

Instead, you'll likely get married and you won't see the truth until your 10 years and 2 or 3 kids in.

+1 I had to go through this at 31 myself. I loved him, but it wasn’t right. A year later, I met the right one and it was SO easy and natural between us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think either of you is wrong in your desires. I just don't think you are right for each other.

Sounds cruel to say, but the best thing that could happen is for you to split and find other people you are more compatible with.

Instead, you'll likely get married and you won't see the truth until your 10 years and 2 or 3 kids in.

+1 I had to go through this at 31 myself. I loved him, but it wasn’t right. A year later, I met the right one and it was SO easy and natural between us.

+2 It's also perfectly fine to realize your timelines don't align. I suspected my serious BF at 30 did not want to get married, so I made the hard decision and we went our separate ways. In his case, he never did marry. And I met someone far more compatible, and everything flowed from there. It can be hard to see clearly when you're in middle of it but can be very beneficial to try to take a step back and look at the situation as objectively as possible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This relationship is over, she’s getting a little space from you to make the break easier; she doesn’t see herrself with you. Women who want you are unlikely to suggest any sort of break for fear that you will find something better; she pretty much wants you to find someone else so she doesn’t have to be the bad guy and end this. I’m sorry but you should enthusiastically send her on her break with lots of cheer in your voice then fire your apps up again and let the healing begin. Spring is here and the sundresses are coming out of the back if closets all over town!

I totally agree. No woman asks to "take a break" unless it's over, or there is now some new guy in the picture and she wants to back-burner you a while until she sees how that goes. Did you establish any rules for this break? Will you be seeing each other during this time, or is it no contact? Are you expected to remain celibate (while she likely screws around)? Is there an agreed upon duration for this break?

You need to wake up and smell the coffee. Or the smell of Spring coming and with it, new beginnings and yes, sundresses. It's all in your future, or you can let her dictate how she wants to treat you while you are put on a shelf waiting for her next move. My belief is, you already lost her and she just doesn't have the courage to say it so she is easing into it with this kind of half-step to breaking up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So she wants to take a break and you live together? Is she moving out?

OP here. She went to stay with a friend while she thinks about things.

Yeah....rigghhhttt! I'm so sorry you fell for this. There is no good reason she can't think about things while you are still together. There are a few likely reasons why she wants this time apart. Pay attention and trust your gut. Go visit her, unannounced and you will probably have your eyes opened. Either way, you already lost her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She IS immature. If she’s 31 and wants yo have kids by 40 then what’s the rush. I still think she wants to be engaged and married regardless of who it is (she thinks it will elevate her status with her group of friends), you just happen to be there and she likes you.

The rush is that if she wants kids, if she wants to be married when she has kids, and if she wants to be in a solid relationship before she gets married and has kids, she’s probably aware that fertility, for women, starts to decline around 30. It sounds like you’re projecting quite a lot onto this situation, since you don’t seem to realize that most women don’t easily have their first kids “by 40”. OP, perhaps, is in less of a rush, but it doesn’t make sense to pretend that needing reassurance that this is a relationship that is headed towards marriage isn’t realistic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She IS immature. If she’s 31 and wants yo have kids by 40 then what’s the rush. I still think she wants to be engaged and married regardless of who it is (she thinks it will elevate her status with her group of friends), you just happen to be there and she likes you.

The rush is that if she wants kids, if she wants to be married when she has kids, and if she wants to be in a solid relationship before she gets married and has kids, she’s probably aware that fertility, for women, starts to decline around 30. It sounds like you’re projecting quite a lot onto this situation, since you don’t seem to realize that most women don’t easily have their first kids “by 40”. OP, perhaps, is in less of a rush, but it doesn’t make sense to pretend that needing reassurance that this is a relationship that is headed towards marriage isn’t realistic.

Projecting what?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She IS immature. If she’s 31 and wants yo have kids by 40 then what’s the rush. I still think she wants to be engaged and married regardless of who it is (she thinks it will elevate her status with her group of friends), you just happen to be there and she likes you.

The rush is that if she wants kids, if she wants to be married when she has kids, and if she wants to be in a solid relationship before she gets married and has kids, she’s probably aware that fertility, for women, starts to decline around 30. It sounds like you’re projecting quite a lot onto this situation, since you don’t seem to realize that most women don’t easily have their first kids “by 40”. OP, perhaps, is in less of a rush, but it doesn’t make sense to pretend that needing reassurance that this is a relationship that is headed towards marriage isn’t realistic.

Projecting what?

NP. Your unresolved issues that are 1) heavily coloring your perspective and ability to remain objective, 2) demonstrating a lack of emotional maturity in terms of rationale around potential motivations 3)promoting a very passive aggressive and emotionally immature response and 4)concluding with an unnecessarily and extreme attitude and dismissal around the resolution of conflict.

Sometimes taking a break means taking a break. You don’t seem to understand that people can say what they mean and mean what they say; you seem to think OP’s GF has motivations and impractical logic. That is a projection of yourself. Nothing OP wrote indicates such a strong and definitive outcome. You give horrible relationship advice, are you married? You sound bitter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are you? If 25, she’s being unreasonable. If she’s 30x she’s being a bit pushy but not crazy. If 35, she’s absolutely right.

OP here. She’s 31 and I’m 35.

There's your answer dude. Women aren't dumb. She doesn't want to waste her time if you don't want to get married.

If you want to hang onto this relationship I'd suggest individual therapy for you and then couples therapy. You're 35, you've been dating a year. Being married a year from now is not "Rushing things." Stop being a man baby and figure it out.

There is absolutely no reason to expend time and effort on couples therapy if you aren't married. If you need couples therapy to get married, she isn't the right person for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So she wants to take a break and you live together? Is she moving out?

OP here. She went to stay with a friend while she thinks about things.

Yeah....rigghhhttt! I'm so sorry you fell for this. There is no good reason she can't think about things while you are still together. There are a few likely reasons why she wants this time apart. Pay attention and trust your gut. Go visit her, unannounced and you will probably have your eyes opened. Either way, you already lost her.

x2. She went over to the guy she's been boning to get some more while she "thinks." Send her on her way!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So she wants to take a break and you live together? Is she moving out?

OP here. She went to stay with a friend while she thinks about things.

Yeah....rigghhhttt! I'm so sorry you fell for this. There is no good reason she can't think about things while you are still together. There are a few likely reasons why she wants this time apart. Pay attention and trust your gut. Go visit her, unannounced and you will probably have your eyes opened. Either way, you already lost her.

x2. She went over to the guy she's been boning to get some more while she "thinks." Send her on her way!

x3. Agree!! Send her on her way!! Dismissed! Stupid to fall for the idea of someone wanting to separate themselves to think things through. Yes you can think about it together on the couch, in the same home without moving. This is not rocket science. What immature cheater does something like articulate their needs, recognize that they may not align with yours, and then take a step back to clear her mind? She can go to the gym for that. She doesn't have to move out. She doesn't need a couple of days womewhere else. She is not cut out for marriage anyway.

Her desire to think while away from you reeks of insecurity, instability and uncertainty about her judgment as a functioning adult. No normal person that is emotionally healthy does that. You should smile and tell her nothing about what you want, your eyes will be opened to see that she won't figure it out, and it is her fault for not learning how to read your unspoken signals. More than likely, your soon to be ex, she is pregnant by another guy that she loved more than you anyway, this time apart to "think" is not only to end the relationship she is too scared to be in, but also gives give space for recovery of the abortion she is having with the other dude's baby. You just made it so much worse. She wants the children with you, and you were dragging your feet, so she started having sex with a guy from CraigsList and now she is caught up in a dilemma -- break up and keep his baby or abort and hope that maybe in the future you two will have the family. She is immature, and stupid, and you are a fool. Good riddance!! Spring dresses are coming and you need to be ready to run after them. Let her go with a smile, take all of her crap and throw it out, better yet, have the police do it!!! Spring fling means no ring!! Bros over Ohs!