How many people whose don’t consider their marriage troubled would not remarry their spouse?

[Anonymous]

I think about this sometimes and I don’t know the answer. I was very young and we didn’t date long. Considering that- things could have and should have been a total train wreck.

But they aren’t. He is the most amazing father. Truly the best. Our children are lovely, smart, and nearly perfect in every way in large part due to his parenting and dedication.

As a partner to me, we are very different and at times seem incompatible. We have a very comfortable life and good sex though.

I don’t know that there is anyone out there that can be everything you want.

[Anonymous]

Yes I would remarry my husband.
No other human being would put up with me like he does.
40 years married. Never felt true love with anyone else. I was one and done.

[Anonymous]

I think I'm the same, OP. I love my husband and don't want to divorce. We are generally happy and have enough in common to make it work. We are decent co-parents and have fun times together. But when people talk about "soulmates" or how in love they are and how they can't imagine being with anyone else or anyone better they lose me.
He doesn't get me. Like the core of who I really am. He likes me, loves me, sometimes enjoys me, respects me, but I don't think he understands me.
I'm not sure how he would answer this question.
I could have done much worse. I'm not sure that any other marriage would have been better. I certainly do not think that I would be happier divorced and remarried to someone else, even if they understood me better.
My hope is that as our kids get older I will have more time to invest in meaningful friendships again. I always got a lot of satisfaction from friendships in the past, but for various reasons I am not close to many friends anymore. It makes some of the less than awesome parts of my marriage relationship more difficult since I'm relying on him as a partner and a friend right now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think I'm the same, OP. I love my husband and don't want to divorce. We are generally happy and have enough in common to make it work. We are decent co-parents and have fun times together. But when people talk about "soulmates" or how in love they are and how they can't imagine being with anyone else or anyone better they lose me.
He doesn't get me. Like the core of who I really am. He likes me, loves me, sometimes enjoys me, respects me, but I don't think he understands me.
I'm not sure how he would answer this question.
I could have done much worse. I'm not sure that any other marriage would have been better. I certainly do not think that I would be happier divorced and remarried to someone else, even if they understood me better.
My hope is that as our kids get older I will have more time to invest in meaningful friendships again. I always got a lot of satisfaction from friendships in the past, but for various reasons I am not close to many friends anymore. It makes some of the less than awesome parts of my marriage relationship more difficult since I'm relying on him as a partner and a friend right now.

You make a very insightful remark about friendship. I never considered that but would completely agree. My DH doesn’t make a great friend and with the pandemic, that void is very large.

[Anonymous]

We have been married for 29 years, together 35 years. In our 50s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have been married for 29 years, together 35 years. In our 50s.

...sorry posted too soon.

Yes, I would marry him in a heartbeat again. But this is what I feel today. In my almost 3 decades of marriage, I am sure there were times that I felt that I would have been better off never marrying. It flows and ebbs.

[Anonymous]

My DH passed away unexpectedly in April but I would have married him again. I’ll never remarry. It would never be the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm also in the same boat, but I think it's me. In other words, I think I would feel the same regardless of my spouse. The particular reasons I wouldn't remarry my spouse would have been apparent to me if I had spent more time with his family when we were dating. What I struggle with now is how to advise my children (assuming they ask me) when they are considering marriage without expressing that I wouldn't remarry their father.

My mom told me in middle school. She hasn’t gone to therapy, so it was both damaging and helpful. Definitely talk this through with a therapist, and wait until the kids are older. My MIL is divine, but I got married years after most of my friends. Sibling never married. Expect that sharing this story will make your kids cautious daters.

I think it is good to be honest and explain things to your kids so they are cautious. A lot of happiness or misery depends on it. I'd be honest. My parents were honest. My stumbling block was also not spending enough time with SO's family to understand their problems and how negatively they would impact us. The other things I could have stumbled on my parents did a great job coaching me through so i dodged some bad matches. They were honest about their mistakes and what they believe is/was the right course based on a lot of reflection. I'm glad they didn't try to sugar coat situations or people. I don't think you can really love someone if you aren't honest at least with yourself about who and what they are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH passed away unexpectedly in April but I would have married him again. I’ll never remarry. It would never be the same.

I'm sorry for your loss. I'm glad you found happiness with him though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH passed away unexpectedly in April but I would have married him again. I’ll never remarry. It would never be the same.

I'm sorry for your loss. I'm glad you found happiness with him though.

I am sorry for your loss. I hope you have good family and friends around you.

[Anonymous]

We met very young (15 years), started going out at 18 and then married at 24 years. We have grown up together. I am now 48. I absolutely would marry him again. We have had such a great life, kids are awesome, I have done well professionally and he has been the main caregiver for our kids. I don’t think he always gets me but I think that is what makes things interesting.

[Anonymous]

If your spouse is a good parent and you love the way your kids are who they are, and your marriage is untroubled, isn’t it highly perverse/bad karma to entertain thoughts that you should have married someone else? Because things might have turned out much worse.

[Anonymous]

Yes!! He is my best friend, best lover I've ever had and my soulmate. Also an amazing dad!

[Anonymous]

Hm. I think my DH might feel this way.

I get a lot of negative attention from other people. I grew up just outside of the city. We tried living in my hometown when we first got married but got driven out by pernicious gossip from people who knew my parents and were jealous of us for random reasons. They threatened us and our child. I didn’t realize who was threatening us right away and we moved 30 miles to get away from them. Come to find out, a few people there knew people that knew my family and got to know my son through school. They also gossiped, made assumptions, and are trying to drive us out of our home now due to their own insecurities and nasty gossip. I get threats regularly about this. I found some on this site recently and that is why I started reading it.

My DH is trying to find a new job in a new city. We find that it takes a while for the threats to start and think there might be fewer threats if we move somewhere where no one knows my mother. It breaks her heart. She is a good person and very private. People can be so greedy and cruel and not realize how much they hurt people.

If it was not for that, then I think he would marry me all over again. He says he would anyway just to make me feel better. That’s what a good spouse does. After 20 years, I think there must always be something difficult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hm. I think my DH might feel this way.

I get a lot of negative attention from other people. I grew up just outside of the city. We tried living in my hometown when we first got married but got driven out by pernicious gossip from people who knew my parents and were jealous of us for random reasons. They threatened us and our child. I didn’t realize who was threatening us right away and we moved 30 miles to get away from them. Come to find out, a few people there knew people that knew my family and got to know my son through school. They also gossiped, made assumptions, and are trying to drive us out of our home now due to their own insecurities and nasty gossip. I get threats regularly about this. I found some on this site recently and that is why I started reading it.

My DH is trying to find a new job in a new city. We find that it takes a while for the threats to start and think there might be fewer threats if we move somewhere where no one knows my mother. It breaks her heart. She is a good person and very private. People can be so greedy and cruel and not realize how much they hurt people.

If it was not for that, then I think he would marry me all over again. He says he would anyway just to make me feel better. That’s what a good spouse does. After 20 years, I think there must always be something difficult.

This is so weird.

What are they threatening you with? No offense, but this sounds super paranoid. They find out who your mother is and threaten you? They drive you out of town? That doesn’t make any sense.