How many people whose don’t consider their marriage troubled would not remarry their spouse?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hm. I think my DH might feel this way.

I get a lot of negative attention from other people. I grew up just outside of the city. We tried living in my hometown when we first got married but got driven out by pernicious gossip from people who knew my parents and were jealous of us for random reasons. They threatened us and our child. I didn’t realize who was threatening us right away and we moved 30 miles to get away from them. Come to find out, a few people there knew people that knew my family and got to know my son through school. They also gossiped, made assumptions, and are trying to drive us out of our home now due to their own insecurities and nasty gossip. I get threats regularly about this. I found some on this site recently and that is why I started reading it.

My DH is trying to find a new job in a new city. We find that it takes a while for the threats to start and think there might be fewer threats if we move somewhere where no one knows my mother. It breaks her heart. She is a good person and very private. People can be so greedy and cruel and not realize how much they hurt people.

If it was not for that, then I think he would marry me all over again. He says he would anyway just to make me feel better. That’s what a good spouse does. After 20 years, I think there must always be something difficult.

This is so weird.

What are they threatening you with? No offense, but this sounds super paranoid. They find out who your mother is and threaten you? They drive you out of town? That doesn’t make any sense.

The threats are always about money. They think I inherited a lot of money. They demand a quarter of a million. People are very greedy. Why do you think the money page is so popular?

I’m sure it sounds crazy but the threats come verbally, in emails, in phone calls, and online harassment. They stole my social security number and tried to open a bank account in my name. 10 years of this and it comes in waves. I notice it more at some times than others.

Sometimes I can’t tell the difference between the money harassment and other garden variety bullying that happens in life. I’m sure I do seem paranoid when I can’t figure it out right away.

I try not to be paranoid but it’s hard when you are getting threats regularly.

Wth? Call the police. So basically you are being blackmailed?

I have reported to the police. Not blackmailed- threatened. I think it's attempted blackmail. The perp reads this page. He's the one saying I need therapy. A therapist can't stop a harasser from harassing. I have learned a lot about the difference between harassment, blackmail, and identity theft that can be prosecuted.

The sad thing is that the original threats had nothing to do with money. They were based in gossip about a family member from a weird far-right nut who once knew my family back in the '70s and is rabidly homophobic. Crazy, opportunistic people like each other and will find each other. The current harasser is a far-left nut. They know each other personally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hm. I think my DH might feel this way.

I get a lot of negative attention from other people. I grew up just outside of the city. We tried living in my hometown when we first got married but got driven out by pernicious gossip from people who knew my parents and were jealous of us for random reasons. They threatened us and our child. I didn’t realize who was threatening us right away and we moved 30 miles to get away from them. Come to find out, a few people there knew people that knew my family and got to know my son through school. They also gossiped, made assumptions, and are trying to drive us out of our home now due to their own insecurities and nasty gossip. I get threats regularly about this. I found some on this site recently and that is why I started reading it.

My DH is trying to find a new job in a new city. We find that it takes a while for the threats to start and think there might be fewer threats if we move somewhere where no one knows my mother. It breaks her heart. She is a good person and very private. People can be so greedy and cruel and not realize how much they hurt people.

If it was not for that, then I think he would marry me all over again. He says he would anyway just to make me feel better. That’s what a good spouse does. After 20 years, I think there must always be something difficult.

This is so weird.

What are they threatening you with? No offense, but this sounds super paranoid. They find out who your mother is and threaten you? They drive you out of town? That doesn’t make any sense.

The threats are always about money. They think I inherited a lot of money. They demand a quarter of a million. People are very greedy. Why do you think the money page is so popular?

I’m sure it sounds crazy but the threats come verbally, in emails, in phone calls, and online harassment. They stole my social security number and tried to open a bank account in my name. 10 years of this and it comes in waves. I notice it more at some times than others.

Sometimes I can’t tell the difference between the money harassment and other garden variety bullying that happens in life. I’m sure I do seem paranoid when I can’t figure it out right away.

I try not to be paranoid but it’s hard when you are getting threats regularly.

Wth? Call the police. So basically you are being blackmailed?

Agree. Pp. What did your mother do?

not to derail this thread ... but i really want PP to come back and tell us more about their mother

She's the most boring person in the world. So boring that she stands out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think having a kid changes my perspective but if I didnt have a kid and going back, I would not have stayed.

Weve weathered through a lot together and even early on in our relationship. Think unemployment, increased depression (see 1st item), major health scare and then subsequent lifelong condition that requires extensive monitoring and potentially early death, a medically complicated child, and taking care of a parent who has cognitive decline all in less than 10 years.

Its been humbling and exhausting and I wouldnt want to go through it with anyone else but I also wouldnt want to go through it so if I didnt stay with him I wouldnt have to deal with any of it besides my own mental health issues that I was already dealing with prior to our relationship.

The bolded is pretty much the reason for most married couples staying together..

+1

It’s the only reason I’m still married. I posted earlier in the thread but I would never get married again if I could go back. I do not like being married. I’m mad at myself for giving in to societal pressure.

[Anonymous]

I think most of us wonder what it would be like if we hadn’t met our spouse and married someone else or never married. I’m one of the blessed ones who has had a very happy marriage for 37 years. We have great children, adorable grandchildren, we are in great shape physically and financially and the sparks still fly frequently. We are both very independent with different hobbies and interests so we are not joined at the hip 24/7 which I think is a very good thing. We are both low maintenance types and I don’t recall us ever having a fight though we’ve certainly had our “moments”. I think of my prior BF’s and the lives they’ve had (thank you Facebook!) and I’m very thankful I took the initiative and asked him out 38 years ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your spouse is a good parent and you love the way your kids are who they are, and your marriage is untroubled, isn’t it highly perverse/bad karma to entertain thoughts that you should have married someone else? Because things might have turned out much worse.

This is it. And why most 2nd marriages are sh$t.

It's easy to idealize another unknown person you haven't raised kids with or paid bills....etc. etc.

Most of the people I know don't have the decent marriages some on here are talking about. If you get along, and have a good partner you did pretty good, compared to most imo.

[Anonymous]

I have been married for 13 years. If you had asked me this a year or two ago, I would have told you that I wouldn't marry him again. He isn't boring, but we had a lot of ups and downs in the first 8 years or so of our marriage. We were having children, establishing our careers (which required several moves from house to house), figuring out household roles, dealing with his dying parents, and DH had a major illness in there as well. I fantasized a lot about what it would have been like to marry a quiet homebody who liked to work a stable 9-5, watch sports on TV, and build stuff in the garage.

Now, our youngest is 5 years old, we haven't moved in 3 years, and it isn't looking like we will again anytime soon, DH has recovered from his illness, and his parents passed away. We are more or less established in our careers and what we want from them while we are raising children, and we have figured out how to get all of the household chores done.

[Anonymous]

I'm reading some of these responses and wishing I felt that way about my husband and our marriage.

[Anonymous]

Mid 40s here. My friends and I all have young elementary kids. I was surprised when they were saying that if they were widowed they’d be done with marriage. God forbid if anything happened to my husband I’d want to marry again and I’d look for many of the same qualities but there are some that aren’t ideal. Still I think we do pretty well and I assume anyone would have at least some less ideal traits. I do wish I could have a different father in law though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would absolutely marry my husband again. Wouldn't remarry anybody else though

Same. My marriage is great, and we are still very compatible after 22 years. There is no way I could find this again, so I wouldn’t even want to attempt to remarry. He is my one and done.