Is this abuse? Whom is the abuser?

[Anonymous]

You’re engaged in a toxic dynamic with your partner. You are both willing participants in this relationship. You need an outside counselor to help you break the cycle.

[Anonymous]

Re: if kicking is abusive, I’m just not sure OP is a reliable narrator here. Very normal when a spouse gently “kicks” to alert the other spouse that their alarm is going off. OP is clearly the person ignoring the alarm and wants to build a case that this is abuse but I sure wouldn’t want to tell a family court judge that the abuse started with alarm clock kick-nudges.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hitting someone is abusive, grabbing someone to stop them from hitting you isn't. Throwing an alarm clock at someone is definitely abusive. Hitting someone because an alarm went off is crazy. I have no idea where the other posters are getting that both sides should toxic; you're allowed to stop someone from hitting you, that isn't toxic.

Intentionally depriving someone from sleep is also abusive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Re: if kicking is abusive, I’m just not sure OP is a reliable narrator here. Very normal when a spouse gently “kicks” to alert the other spouse that their alarm is going off. OP is clearly the person ignoring the alarm and wants to build a case that this is abuse but I sure wouldn’t want to tell a family court judge that the abuse started with alarm clock kick-nudges.

That's actually not normal at all. If you want to wake someone up, you lightly tap them on the shoulder, you say their name, you don't kick them. This isn't how most people live.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Re: if kicking is abusive, I’m just not sure OP is a reliable narrator here. Very normal when a spouse gently “kicks” to alert the other spouse that their alarm is going off. OP is clearly the person ignoring the alarm and wants to build a case that this is abuse but I sure wouldn’t want to tell a family court judge that the abuse started with alarm clock kick-nudges.

Yeah. I'm not sure OP is a reliable narrator. SOI hold firm in my stance they are both toxic people and need outside intervention/ marriage counseling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hitting someone is abusive, grabbing someone to stop them from hitting you isn't. Throwing an alarm clock at someone is definitely abusive. Hitting someone because an alarm went off is crazy. I have no idea where the other posters are getting that both sides should toxic; you're allowed to stop someone from hitting you, that isn't toxic.

Intentionally depriving someone from sleep is also abusive.

That isn't close to what happened of course, but you know that.

[Anonymous]

You, for abusing this board with weak trolling

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Re: if kicking is abusive, I’m just not sure OP is a reliable narrator here. Very normal when a spouse gently “kicks” to alert the other spouse that their alarm is going off. OP is clearly the person ignoring the alarm and wants to build a case that this is abuse but I sure wouldn’t want to tell a family court judge that the abuse started with alarm clock kick-nudges.

That's actually not normal at all. If you want to wake someone up, you lightly tap them on the shoulder, you say their name, you don't kick them. This isn't how most people live.

NP here. Nope. You don't get he nice wake up when you allow your alarm to go off and do nothing about it, you get nudged with the foot, or the pillow. I'm not fully waking up to coddle you because you don't want to deal with your alarm and think I should. I'm not your mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Re: if kicking is abusive, I’m just not sure OP is a reliable narrator here. Very normal when a spouse gently “kicks” to alert the other spouse that their alarm is going off. OP is clearly the person ignoring the alarm and wants to build a case that this is abuse but I sure wouldn’t want to tell a family court judge that the abuse started with alarm clock kick-nudges.

This was not a “gentle kick.” It was full in violent kicking trying to push me from the bed while hurling expletives at me. So, I did act in self defense to stop the kicking and get out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hitting someone is abusive, grabbing someone to stop them from hitting you isn't. Throwing an alarm clock at someone is definitely abusive. Hitting someone because an alarm went off is crazy. I have no idea where the other posters are getting that both sides should toxic; you're allowed to stop someone from hitting you, that isn't toxic.

Intentionally depriving someone from sleep is also abusive.

That isn't close to what happened of course, but you know that.

OP knows his/her spouse needs sleep, is a light sleeper. OP left their alarm on loud to go off at 5 am and didn't bother to shut it off. This is a repeated problem that OP has refused to correct. OP now wants to play the victim.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Re: if kicking is abusive, I’m just not sure OP is a reliable narrator here. Very normal when a spouse gently “kicks” to alert the other spouse that their alarm is going off. OP is clearly the person ignoring the alarm and wants to build a case that this is abuse but I sure wouldn’t want to tell a family court judge that the abuse started with alarm clock kick-nudges.

This was not a “gentle kick.” It was full in violent kicking trying to push me from the bed while hurling expletives at me. So, I did act in self defense to stop the kicking and get out.

And how many times has your wife told you to turn down your alarm beforehand? How long had the alarm been going off?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Re: if kicking is abusive, I’m just not sure OP is a reliable narrator here. Very normal when a spouse gently “kicks” to alert the other spouse that their alarm is going off. OP is clearly the person ignoring the alarm and wants to build a case that this is abuse but I sure wouldn’t want to tell a family court judge that the abuse started with alarm clock kick-nudges.

That's actually not normal at all. If you want to wake someone up, you lightly tap them on the shoulder, you say their name, you don't kick them. This isn't how most people live.

NP here. Nope. You don't get he nice wake up when you allow your alarm to go off and do nothing about it, you get nudged with the foot, or the pillow. I'm not fully waking up to coddle you because you don't want to deal with your alarm and think I should. I'm not your mom.

You sound like an angry, violent human being. "Allowing your alarm to go off" is normal human behavior. It taking time to deal with that is normal human behavior. I pray you're not married, or that your violence doesn't escalate.

[Anonymous]

OP, since you are convinced you are the victim of abuse call the cops. File a report. No one on DCUM can do anything for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Re: if kicking is abusive, I’m just not sure OP is a reliable narrator here. Very normal when a spouse gently “kicks” to alert the other spouse that their alarm is going off. OP is clearly the person ignoring the alarm and wants to build a case that this is abuse but I sure wouldn’t want to tell a family court judge that the abuse started with alarm clock kick-nudges.

That's actually not normal at all. If you want to wake someone up, you lightly tap them on the shoulder, you say their name, you don't kick them. This isn't how most people live.

NP here. Nope. You don't get he nice wake up when you allow your alarm to go off and do nothing about it, you get nudged with the foot, or the pillow. I'm not fully waking up to coddle you because you don't want to deal with your alarm and think I should. I'm not your mom.

You sound like an angry, violent human being. "Allowing your alarm to go off" is normal human behavior. It taking time to deal with that is normal human behavior. I pray you're not married, or that your violence doesn't escalate.

Nope. I hear my alarm I shut if Off. My spouse does the same thing. WE are not selfish. You lose the right to allow your alarm to blare for minutes on end when you decide to share your room/bed with someone. If you don't want to get up as soon as your alarm goes off use a different type of alarm system, one that vibrates, headphones, etc . Stop expecting your spouse to just deal with your alarm waking them up every day and expecting snuggles for it. Grow up!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Re: if kicking is abusive, I’m just not sure OP is a reliable narrator here. Very normal when a spouse gently “kicks” to alert the other spouse that their alarm is going off. OP is clearly the person ignoring the alarm and wants to build a case that this is abuse but I sure wouldn’t want to tell a family court judge that the abuse started with alarm clock kick-nudges.

That's actually not normal at all. If you want to wake someone up, you lightly tap them on the shoulder, you say their name, you don't kick them. This isn't how most people live.

NP here. Nope. You don't get he nice wake up when you allow your alarm to go off and do nothing about it, you get nudged with the foot, or the pillow. I'm not fully waking up to coddle you because you don't want to deal with your alarm and think I should. I'm not your mom.

You sound like an angry, violent human being. "Allowing your alarm to go off" is normal human behavior. It taking time to deal with that is normal human behavior. I pray you're not married, or that your violence doesn't escalate.

Nope. I hear my alarm I shut if Off. My spouse does the same thing. WE are not selfish. You lose the right to allow your alarm to blare for minutes on end when you decide to share your room/bed with someone. If you don't want to get up as soon as your alarm goes off use a different type of alarm system, one that vibrates, headphones, etc . Stop expecting your spouse to just deal with your alarm waking them up every day and expecting snuggles for it. Grow up!

"Grow up and start hitting people when they annoy you!" Yeah that's not abuser talk. "React immediately or face my wrath!" You're dangerous.

And no one sleeps in headphones, what are you on?