Something Mil told Dd

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PPs are right, it isn't fair of you to not bring your DD to ILS for any holidays.

They are an hour in the opposite direction of my parents, who are an hour from us. It stinks, but I’m not driving an hour for dessert or whatever just to have a two hour drive home when we will see them that weekend. Aren’t I already doing enough? Why pile this on me. And why is it my responsibility and not Dh? Why can’t Mil like someone said bring desert to me? It seems like everyone is expecting a lot out of me!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PPs are right, it isn't fair of you to not bring your DD to ILS for any holidays.

They are an hour in the opposite direction of my parents, who are an hour from us. It stinks, but I’m not driving an hour for dessert or whatever just to have a two hour drive home when we will see them that weekend. Aren’t I already doing enough? Why pile this on me. And why is it my responsibility and not Dh? Why can’t Mil like someone said bring desert to me? It seems like everyone is expecting a lot out of me!

Ok, we get it. You hate her. She made one comment and now you are the martyred victim for ages. Wonder what would she call your comments here about her one comment? Seems to me you are quite a gossip.

[Anonymous]

I really hope I don't get stuck with a DIL like you, OP. You don't sound nice at all. Your "family" stops at your own front door apparently. How sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PPs are right, it isn't fair of you to not bring your DD to ILS for any holidays.

They are an hour in the opposite direction of my parents, who are an hour from us. It stinks, but I’m not driving an hour for dessert or whatever just to have a two hour drive home when we will see them that weekend. Aren’t I already doing enough? Why pile this on me. And why is it my responsibility and not Dh? Why can’t Mil like someone said bring desert to me? It seems like everyone is expecting a lot out of me!

You should be doing that for your own DD as well. Yes, you should go out of your way to share a portion of your holidays with your ILs -- they are your DD's flesh and blood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PPs are right, it isn't fair of you to not bring your DD to ILS for any holidays.

They are an hour in the opposite direction of my parents, who are an hour from us. It stinks, but I’m not driving an hour for dessert or whatever just to have a two hour drive home when we will see them that weekend. Aren’t I already doing enough? Why pile this on me. And why is it my responsibility and not Dh? Why can’t Mil like someone said bring desert to me? It seems like everyone is expecting a lot out of me!

Quite frankly, no. You spend every holiday with your family because you don't view your ILs as family, and now you're furious that your ILs noticed and your kids do too. If they're "an hour in the opposite direction of my parents, who are an hour from us," your ILs either live on your block or are the same distance as your parents. Your side gets Thanksgiving, his side gets Christmas. Then flip.

You won't do that because you think that it's somehow not fair that your kids should ever see them without DH instigating it. But you're traveling for the holidays either way, and it's not more work to drive to one house than the other. You sound intensely unlikable and that you've glommed on to one muttered and extremely true comment as a way to make the case that you're hard done by does not help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My Dh isn’t super into spending time with his family. I used to really push him, especially after having kids, but then people here told me he would become resentful of me for that, and he was, so I backed down. He’s also in the medical field and works most [u]holidays. We’ve always celebrated with his family the weekend after a holiday, since we’ve been married, and he’s never joined my family holidays because of work—I always attend on the day so that the weekends can be freed up so we can celebrate with Dh and his family. But there has always been jealousy issues with Mil. Unfortunately, I’m not going to sit alone or not attend my family holiday when Dh is working, just so Mil isn’t jealous. It’s not as though I particularly love that we never have a holiday as a family, and it’s not as though I love celebrating holidays twice, but this is our life.

I guess Dd told Mil that last year my sister made her favorite pie for Thanksgiving. Mil huffed under her breath that she never “gets” a holiday. Nope, and neither do we. Talk to your son about his profession. I don’t like that she’s dragging our kids into the mess with her jealousy and snide comments. How do I handle this? Dh doesn’t care, says it is what it is and fully supports the way we do things. But I feel like Mil is attacking me in front of my kids. Ignore or?

If he doesn't work ALL holidays, why can't you spend the ones he doesn't work with your in-laws?

I’m not OP, but I imagine that after spending MOST holidays apart, this nuclear family would definitely want to spend the few holidays they get together at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PPs are right, it isn't fair of you to not bring your DD to ILS for any holidays.

They are an hour in the opposite direction of my parents, who are an hour from us. It stinks, but I’m not driving an hour for dessert or whatever just to have a two hour drive home when we will see them that weekend. Aren’t I already doing enough? Why pile this on me. And why is it my responsibility and not Dh? Why can’t Mil like someone said bring desert to me? It seems like everyone is expecting a lot out of me!

Quite frankly, no. You spend every holiday with your family because you don't view your ILs as family, and now you're furious that your ILs noticed and your kids do too. If they're "an hour in the opposite direction of my parents, who are an hour from us," your ILs either live on your block or are the same distance as your parents. Your side gets Thanksgiving, his side gets Christmas. Then flip.

You won't do that because you think that it's somehow not fair that your kids should ever see them without DH instigating it. But you're traveling for the holidays either way, and it's not more work to drive to one house than the other. You sound intensely unlikable and that you've glommed on to one muttered and extremely true comment as a way to make the case that you're hard done by does not help.

Not the OP, and whatever. She spends every holiday with her family because her husband doesn't value spending the holidays with his family. Why should she forgo a holiday with her family to spend it with her in-laws (without her husband), and then visit them that weekend, too? I would NOT be spending the holidays with my in-laws if my husband was choosing not to be there, and I like my in-laws. The MIL's beef is with her son. If I were OP, I would just ignore the comment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Look, if you were in your MIL's shoes, how would you feel? Her reaction is normal, though the delivery childish.

I think it's not too much to ask to stop by the ILs on a holiday itself once in a while.

If I was the grandparent in this situation I would talk to my child about how I felt. I would not take the easy road and dump it on my child’s spouse — or worse whine to my grandchildren about how their parents are structuring plans. Both of those options are cringeworthy.

Plus, I don’t believe that this particular MIL would be okay with skipping seeing her son for a holiday. OP said they celebrate the weekend after with her as a family. It sounds like she would want OP to bring the kids on Thursday and then come back with her DH and kids on the weekend. That is way too much to ask of anyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PPs are right, it isn't fair of you to not bring your DD to ILS for any holidays.

100 percent this

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PPs are right, it isn't fair of you to not bring your DD to ILS for any holidays.

They are an hour in the opposite direction of my parents, who are an hour from us. It stinks, but I’m not driving an hour for dessert or whatever just to have a two hour drive home when we will see them that weekend. Aren’t I already doing enough? Why pile this on me. And why is it my responsibility and not Dh? Why can’t Mil like someone said bring desert to me? It seems like everyone is expecting a lot out of me!

Quite frankly, no. You spend every holiday with your family because you don't view your ILs as family, and now you're furious that your ILs noticed and your kids do too. If they're "an hour in the opposite direction of my parents, who are an hour from us," your ILs either live on your block or are the same distance as your parents. Your side gets Thanksgiving, his side gets Christmas. Then flip.

You won't do that because you think that it's somehow not fair that your kids should ever see them without DH instigating it. But you're traveling for the holidays either way, and it's not more work to drive to one house than the other. You sound intensely unlikable and that you've glommed on to one muttered and extremely true comment as a way to make the case that you're hard done by does not help.

Not the OP, and whatever. She spends every holiday with her family because her husband doesn't value spending the holidays with his family. Why should she forgo a holiday with her family to spend it with her in-laws (without her husband), and then visit them that weekend, too? I would NOT be spending the holidays with my in-laws if my husband was choosing not to be there, and I like my in-laws. The MIL's beef is with her son. If I were OP, I would just ignore the comment.

You do it because it’s not just about OP, her husband and her MiL. It’s about her KIDS.

[Anonymous]

If the in-laws really wanted to spend time during holidays they would make an EQUAL effort and not just make passive-aggressive comments to a grandchild.
Why isn't anyone questioning why the DH doesn't want to spend a lot of time with his parents?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PPs are right, it isn't fair of you to not bring your DD to ILS for any holidays.

They are an hour in the opposite direction of my parents, who are an hour from us. It stinks, but I’m not driving an hour for dessert or whatever just to have a two hour drive home when we will see them that weekend. Aren’t I already doing enough? Why pile this on me. And why is it my responsibility and not Dh? Why can’t Mil like someone said bring desert to me? It seems like everyone is expecting a lot out of me!

Quite frankly, no. You spend every holiday with your family because you don't view your ILs as family, and now you're furious that your ILs noticed and your kids do too. If they're "an hour in the opposite direction of my parents, who are an hour from us," your ILs either live on your block or are the same distance as your parents. Your side gets Thanksgiving, his side gets Christmas. Then flip.

You won't do that because you think that it's somehow not fair that your kids should ever see them without DH instigating it. But you're traveling for the holidays either way, and it's not more work to drive to one house than the other. You sound intensely unlikable and that you've glommed on to one muttered and extremely true comment as a way to make the case that you're hard done by does not help.

Not the OP, and whatever. She spends every holiday with her family because her husband doesn't value spending the holidays with his family. Why should she forgo a holiday with her family to spend it with her in-laws (without her husband), and then visit them that weekend, too? I would NOT be spending the holidays with my in-laws if my husband was choosing not to be there, and I like my in-laws. The MIL's beef is with her son. If I were OP, I would just ignore the comment.

You do it because it’s not just about OP, her husband and her MiL. It’s about her KIDS.

The kids seem fine with the arrangement. They get to see their grandparents on the weekend following the holiday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If the in-laws really wanted to spend time during holidays they would make an EQUAL effort and not just make passive-aggressive comments to a grandchild.
Why isn't anyone questioning why the DH doesn't want to spend a lot of time with his parents?

This is what I was wondering! Did everyone conveniently gloss over the first couple sentences? MIL issues are with her son, who isn’t interested and thinks the arrangement is fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PPs are right, it isn't fair of you to not bring your DD to ILS for any holidays.

They are an hour in the opposite direction of my parents, who are an hour from us. It stinks, but I’m not driving an hour for dessert or whatever just to have a two hour drive home when we will see them that weekend. Aren’t I already doing enough? Why pile this on me. And why is it my responsibility and not Dh? Why can’t Mil like someone said bring desert to me? It seems like everyone is expecting a lot out of me!

You should be doing that for your own DD as well. Yes, you should go out of your way to share a portion of your holidays with your ILs -- they are your DD's flesh and blood.

PP from upthread. Yeah, driving two hours extra 1/2x a year is nothing, OP. Many people travel more every single holiday. You and DD will see them and then if DH wants to follow up that weekend on his own, fine. Or else he is the one to say, Mom, I'm glad Heather and DD were able to see you for Thanksgiving, I look forward to seeing you guys at Christmas.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the in-laws really wanted to spend time during holidays they would make an EQUAL effort and not just make passive-aggressive comments to a grandchild.
Why isn't anyone questioning why the DH doesn't want to spend a lot of time with his parents?

This is what I was wondering! Did everyone conveniently gloss over the first couple sentences? MIL issues are with her son, who isn’t interested and thinks the arrangement is fine.

MIL has relationships with her DIL and grandchildren that are separate from her relationship with her son. They don’t all have to be distant just because the son and MIL are.

OP, even if you made the drive once every other year, it would help. It doesn’t have to be each and every time her husband is working.

Any chance your family could include MIL one holiday?