s/o: sexless marriages, did you know this happens often?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The change pretty clearly happened when women had more rights and felt “free to be.” Thereafter the curtain was lifted on what many men suspected - the wife wasn’t sexually attracted to the husband anymore - it was personal, because she would certainly be sexually attracted to a new man. In the meantime the husband would likely still be into sex with the wife. Assuming he’s a faithful guy he gets frustrated.

Divorced women in here have explained the reawakening or sexual desire after divorce. Men, however, usually never lose that.

Good points

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think maybe some of the surprise comes from the way it's portrayed versus the reality of how it comes to pass.

Most of the reason for the decline in sex is that people get bored, and women get bored more quickly than men for mostly biological reasons. Nobody's fault.

The way it gets portrayed blames it on women being asexual generally, causing women to say "hey! We like sex!" and on men becoming out of shape, thoughtless dopes. Guys say "hey! I'm still in pretty good shape and I pull my weight at home."

Since the individuals don't fall into the stereotypical tropes usually thought of as causing the sexlessness, they think that won't happen to their marriages. But, biology is biology, so it happens anyway, and they're surprised.

YES. I'm sexually bored with my husband even though the sex can be good. I just am not interested. Want a new partner.

[Anonymous]

Equally puzzling is when an uninterested wife “discovers” that her husband is not sexless at all. Total shocker, who could have seen that coming! Didn’t you know men who aren’t getting sex at home are getting it elsewhere?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Equally puzzling is when an uninterested wife “discovers” that her husband is not sexless at all. Total shocker, who could have seen that coming! Didn’t you know men who aren’t getting sex at home are getting it elsewhere?

You would have thought pop culture would have prepared us for that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Equally puzzling is when an uninterested wife “discovers” that her husband is not sexless at all. Total shocker, who could have seen that coming! Didn’t you know men who aren’t getting sex at home are getting it elsewhere?

Not when they are 70 pounds overweight and have ED.

You greatly overestimate the interest of men in that kind of physical shape.

[Anonymous]

If you asked me at age 22 if I thought people at age 45 still wanted sex I would have said, maybe sometimes? It's not something you really think about.

If you asked me on my wedding day at age 27 that sec would be once a month at age 45 I would have broken off the engagement. I was prepared for sex to wane but not to die off.

Also, back then I thought cheating was a mortal sin, now it seems like a normal thing couples do to cope

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think maybe some of the surprise comes from the way it's portrayed versus the reality of how it comes to pass.

Most of the reason for the decline in sex is that people get bored, and women get bored more quickly than men for mostly biological reasons. Nobody's fault.

The way it gets portrayed blames it on women being asexual generally, causing women to say "hey! We like sex!" and on men becoming out of shape, thoughtless dopes. Guys say "hey! I'm still in pretty good shape and I pull my weight at home."

Since the individuals don't fall into the stereotypical tropes usually thought of as causing the sexlessness, they think that won't happen to their marriages. But, biology is biology, so it happens anyway, and they're surprised.

YES. I'm sexually bored with my husband even though the sex can be good. I just am not interested. Want a new partner.

This is the truth. My husband is good in bed and knows how to get me off, but I crave new and exciting. It monogamy that's the problem

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have more at 22 years than we did at 15 years.

It’s also not static. Empty nest is a wonderful thing.

Statistically, you are the very, very rare exception

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For context, I'm 40. Growing up, I saw the issue of dead bedrooms or at least, decreasing and less exciting marital sex, often represented in popular culture. Movies, tv, books, magazine columns, etc. etc. People were often talking about how hard it is to be monogamous for decades.

However, it seems like people on here are constantly surprised when this becomes an issue in their own relationships. Did you really not know that sex peaks in the years directly preceding and following marriage, i.e. the "honeymoon phase"? Why did you think you would not experience something that millions of other couples do? Had you not seen any Woody Allen films? lol

Seriously though, it surprises me when other people are surprised by this. I thought this phenomenon was common knowledge.

It's somewhat common knowledge that sex dies in marriage. The whole bachelor party concept is it's his last night of fun.

But men were never expected to be faithful, so there's that. Not that they are now, and not that society cares if they are. See e.g. Trump

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For context, I'm 40. Growing up, I saw the issue of dead bedrooms or at least, decreasing and less exciting marital sex, often represented in popular culture. Movies, tv, books, magazine columns, etc. etc. People were often talking about how hard it is to be monogamous for decades.

However, it seems like people on here are constantly surprised when this becomes an issue in their own relationships. Did you really not know that sex peaks in the years directly preceding and following marriage, i.e. the "honeymoon phase"? Why did you think you would not experience something that millions of other couples do? Had you not seen any Woody Allen films? lol

Seriously though, it surprises me when other people are surprised by this. I thought this phenomenon was common knowledge.

The people who are surprised are those who think monogamy should be easy. Like you said, most people know sex goes down and monogamy is difficult. Many of them handle it by cheating though, which also isn't a surprise

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Equally puzzling is when an uninterested wife “discovers” that her husband is not sexless at all. Total shocker, who could have seen that coming! Didn’t you know men who aren’t getting sex at home are getting it elsewhere?

Not when they are 70 pounds overweight and have ED.

You greatly overestimate the interest of men in that kind of physical shape.

Some women were not lucky enough to marry a limp dk obese guy (let me guess: selfish in bed too?).
Congrats, you win the "affair proofed sexless marriage" award. You really know how to pick a lifetime partner!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Equally puzzling is when an uninterested wife “discovers” that her husband is not sexless at all. Total shocker, who could have seen that coming! Didn’t you know men who aren’t getting sex at home are getting it elsewhere?

Not when they are 70 pounds overweight and have ED.

You greatly overestimate the interest of men in that kind of physical shape.

Some women were not lucky enough to marry a limp dk obese guy (let me guess: selfish in bed too?).
Congrats, you win the "affair proofed sexless marriage" award. You really know how to pick a lifetime partner!

Actually I still am crazy about DH after 35 years. But people get older, run into health issues, etc. They take a toll. Dh was 6 foot 165 pounds when we married.

That is life. We are til death do us part. There are much bigger, more important things than sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you asked me at age 22 if I thought people at age 45 still wanted sex I would have said, maybe sometimes? It's not something you really think about.

If you asked me on my wedding day at age 27 that sec would be once a month at age 45 I would have broken off the engagement. I was prepared for sex to wane but not to die off.

Also, back then I thought cheating was a mortal sin, now it seems like a normal thing couples do to cope

Why is it once a month? Do something to change that with your spouse. Go to sex therapy, get a new look, start hobbies together, hire sitters, go on a Victoria’s Secret shopping spree, have him do more around the house so you are more relaxed. I’m 50 and the slowest it’s ever been in twice per week. It’s usually about 3-4 times. My husband’s mood visibly changes when it’s been too long and sex makes everyone happy. It’s hard to rekindle at first, but don’t let it go...

[Anonymous]

I thought Peg Bundy was annoying and unrealistic, now I am her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think maybe some of the surprise comes from the way it's portrayed versus the reality of how it comes to pass.

Most of the reason for the decline in sex is that people get bored, and women get bored more quickly than men for mostly biological reasons. Nobody's fault.

The way it gets portrayed blames it on women being asexual generally, causing women to say "hey! We like sex!" and on men becoming out of shape, thoughtless dopes. Guys say "hey! I'm still in pretty good shape and I pull my weight at home."

Since the individuals don't fall into the stereotypical tropes usually thought of as causing the sexlessness, they think that won't happen to their marriages. But, biology is biology, so it happens anyway, and they're surprised.

YES. I'm sexually bored with my husband even though the sex can be good. I just am not interested. Want a new partner.

This is the truth. My husband is good in bed and knows how to get me off, but I crave new and exciting. It monogamy that's the problem

I am surprised by these three posters. I have a hard time believing they are really women. I have never heard a girlfriend say anything like this. Ever. Some of my friends say that they love their husbands but aren't really that interested in sex anymore, but I have never heard them say they don't want to have sex with their husband but crave sex with other men.