If you have experienced other parents/kids being overly competitive

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DS's guidance counselor was angry at him for refusing to apply to the college her son went to, and told many kids and parents where he was applying and implied he was nuts to do that. So we got a lot of comments about "why would Zack even apply to _______?" My son would say things like "I just like wasting my parents' money on application fees" or "Good point. Guess I''ll see you around Rutgers." I would just say "Zack's asked me not to comment on his college admissions process so I am respecting that."

We (college counselors) would lose our jobs in my county if we did that!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't talk about where you are applying.

She is definitely not. The other kids are seeing which college accounts she is following on social media, then it is somehow becoming a big deal. Crazy!

The parents pass this crap onto their children. Can we not let kids be kids???

If this is how they are figuring out where she is applying, seems like it would be pretty easy to have some fun by adding some more schools.

That would be hilarious!!

[Anonymous]

It seems to be a non issue at our school. Everyone is supportive, and the kids don't all seem to apply to the same schools anyway. They generally know what they want to study and where the best place is for the major within their budget, school size, and geographical preferences. Every kid is so different. And they all know the top schools are a crap shoot for everyone, so there is literally no reason to be weird about it with each other.

[Anonymous]

There were a few crazies when my DS was going through admissions last year. Most of his friends parents and my friends were all completely normal and appropriate.

There is a crazy lady in my neighborhood who loved to brag about her kid - never mentioned my kid (doesn't know his name, I think), and literally bragged about her kid and made snotty comments about "ivy day" to me, and was just outright rude about any kid that wasn't applying to any ivy's (including mine, who did not apply to any such ivy or similar. She literally thinks her kid is the best thing that ever happened. (I have no idea if he is or not -our kids were not friends).

I basically just ignored her and laughed behind her back.

And jokes on her - her Ivy league kid might get a lovely diploma but my kid is in school in person with live classes while hers still lives in my neighborhood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't talk about where you are applying.

She is definitely not. The other kids are seeing which college accounts she is following on social media, then it is somehow becoming a big deal. Crazy!

The parents pass this crap onto their children. Can we not let kids be kids???

If this is how they are figuring out where she is applying, seems like it would be pretty easy to have some fun by adding some more schools.

New poster. I like the idea of following some colleges just to mess with people's heads, I really do! But that'll bombard the student with notifications etc. about colleges that are not actually being considered. That's a pain and a distraction from notifications and information from the real ones on the list, even if the student has the "fake" colleges' messages sent to a junk file.

OP, I'm sorry people are acting so competitive. We just didn't experience this at our HS. I think a good response for you is a cryptic Mona Lisa smile followed by, "DD is handling that herself so I'm sure I'll get the list when she tells me! Kids are so self-sufficient these days." Then: Change topics immediately. For your DD, it's tougher in a way because peers can be so persistent. Is it possible to hide what DD is following on social media? My DD didn't use social media at all for the search so I'm not sure, but if DD can hide her name as a follower, I'd do that.

The post above about a guidance counselor blabbing a student's college list to other parents and commenting negatively about it, engendering comments from parents back to the poster's mom or dad -- wow. That is a huge violation, to me. If that PP is still reading, PP, did you complain about this? The counselor was far beyond "out of line" and if he did that to your kid, he will do it to many others. If this was recent, I'd complain over the counselor's head just for the sake of other students in the future.

I guess I'm sensitive to that situation because when I was in HS, our one, only, and terrible guidance counselor pushed me (and every other college-bound kid) to apply to either her alma mater or one of about three huge state schools in our state, as if those four colleges were the only options on earth. None even had the major I wanted! Crappy counselors make the whole process so much harder. Our DD was fortunate to be at a HS with good counselors and one counselor dedicated pretty much just to college stuff, so I know there are good advisers out there. But bad ones can be damaging.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It seems to be a non issue at our school. Everyone is supportive, and the kids don't all seem to apply to the same schools anyway. They generally know what they want to study and where the best place is for the major within their budget, school size, and geographical preferences. Every kid is so different. And they all know the top schools are a crap shoot for everyone, so there is literally no reason to be weird about it with each other.

+1 DS and friends didn't seem to talk much specifics about college last year but now as seniors it seems to be picking up. DS was set on a small list of 4 schools but is finally talking about other options to consider. I think some are telling him he should be aiming higher but our budget and where potential merit aid can be had are big factors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It seems to be a non issue at our school. Everyone is supportive, and the kids don't all seem to apply to the same schools anyway. They generally know what they want to study and where the best place is for the major within their budget, school size, and geographical preferences. Every kid is so different. And they all know the top schools are a crap shoot for everyone, so there is literally no reason to be weird about it with each other.

OP here. This is completely what I expected.

Nope. Not at all what the reality is, sadly. The parents REALLY push the kids, and the parents are obviously living vicariously. That is why I say it is sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DS's guidance counselor was angry at him for refusing to apply to the college her son went to, and told many kids and parents where he was applying and implied he was nuts to do that. So we got a lot of comments about "why would Zack even apply to _______?" My son would say things like "I just like wasting my parents' money on application fees" or "Good point. Guess I''ll see you around Rutgers." I would just say "Zack's asked me not to comment on his college admissions process so I am respecting that."

We (college counselors) would lose our jobs in my county if we did that!

OP here. No, this isn't the situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean if your kid is applying to "normal" schools why not tell?

Ok maybe omit your kid is applying to Harvard as a reach but why not UVA, W&M and VT for example (?)

Or an average student PSU PITT VT UDEL

I find it annoying if people think where they are applying is a "secret"

You just don’t get it. That may be true at some schools. But a lot of schools in the DMV area are all reaching for ivies or top 20 schools. Not PSU, PITT, VT, UDEL. Why create more competition among the kids. Better to keep it to yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean if your kid is applying to "normal" schools why not tell?

Ok maybe omit your kid is applying to Harvard as a reach but why not UVA, W&M and VT for example (?)

Or an average student PSU PITT VT UDEL

I find it annoying if people think where they are applying is a "secret"

You just don’t get it. That may be true at some schools. But a lot of schools in the DMV area are all reaching for ivies or top 20 schools. Not PSU, PITT, VT, UDEL. Why create more competition among the kids. Better to keep it to yourself.

Ok yes I get it for those kids. Mine wasn't one of those though so I guess I'm putting in my frame of reference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean if your kid is applying to "normal" schools why not tell?

Ok maybe omit your kid is applying to Harvard as a reach but why not UVA, W&M and VT for example (?)

Or an average student PSU PITT VT UDEL

I find it annoying if people think where they are applying is a "secret"

You just don’t get it. That may be true at some schools. But a lot of schools in the DMV area are all reaching for ivies or top 20 schools. Not PSU, PITT, VT, UDEL. Why create more competition among the kids. Better to keep it to yourself.

I get it, but why should parents/kids have to do this?

[Anonymous]

I just think it’s fun conversation. This is the stage we are in. Why not share?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't talk about where you are applying.

She is definitely not. The other kids are seeing which college accounts she is following on social media, then it is somehow becoming a big deal. Crazy!

The parents pass this crap onto their children. Can we not let kids be kids???

Nightmare. Try to just disconnect and show no stress to your child about any of it.

[Anonymous]

We faced reality after 9th grade. Our child is not going to a competitive school so there is no need to be jealous.

Also a casual observation I have made, many times when a parent list includes Highly competitive schools and then some regular schools as safeties, there kid ends up going to the safety bc - insert any reason here according to the parent - and they decided against highly competitive school and this school was better, blah, blah, blah

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean if your kid is applying to "normal" schools why not tell?

Ok maybe omit your kid is applying to Harvard as a reach but why not UVA, W&M and VT for example (?)

Or an average student PSU PITT VT UDEL

I find it annoying if people think where they are applying is a "secret"

You just don’t get it. That may be true at some schools. But a lot of schools in the DMV area are all reaching for ivies or top 20 schools. Not PSU, PITT, VT, UDEL. Why create more competition among the kids. Better to keep it to yourself.

I get it, but why should parents/kids have to do this?

Because the kids and/or parents get so competitive that they start doing crazy things. And it only takes a few people to change the dynamics at a school. You all have read enough of the local private schools a couple of years ago to get a sense of what people do. Some people will do anything to get an edge. And because of it, a lot of schools enforce the “no talking” about colleges to the students.