If you have experienced other parents/kids being overly competitive

[Anonymous]

about where your child is applying - this post is for you, otherwise it is not.

How do you handle it?

Our teachers specifically told our kids NOT to tell anyone where they are applying - and they were right - the parents and other kids don't let up about it.

Any suggestions or valuable input IF you have been through this (only) please.

Some parents are really insane about it, sadly.

[Anonymous]

Many are concerned about some colleges and universities limiting the number of students they take from each high school. There’s anxiety about pitting one student vs. another. Throw in Cororavirus and the Class of 2024 deferrals and it’s a worry sandwich for families.

It’s good to remind students not to disclose where they’re applying. These students have enough stress to deal with.

[Anonymous]

Don't talk about where you are applying.

[Anonymous]

Practice and repeat: "I really don't feel comfortable sharing the details. He'll do fine! Good luck to your DC!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't talk about where you are applying.

She is definitely not. The other kids are seeing which college accounts she is following on social media, then it is somehow becoming a big deal. Crazy!

The parents pass this crap onto their children. Can we not let kids be kids???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Many are concerned about some colleges and universities limiting the number of students they take from each high school. There’s anxiety about pitting one student vs. another. Throw in Cororavirus and the Class of 2024 deferrals and it’s a worry sandwich for families.

It’s good to remind students not to disclose where they’re applying. These students have enough stress to deal with.

I agree. I think their parents are making it much worse for everyone.

The teachers knew ahead of time, because the teachers have been at it long enough to know, so the teachers had already warned the kids not to say anything, which they are not.

Many of the parents are from the same area, and the competitiveness is just a part of who they are - sadly, it is a big part, so they stress their kids out about it. I don't know how the parents think they are helping their kids with this attitude and over the top competitiveness. It really is awful.

Do the parents really think they can adversely affect another child's application? It has me wondering about the insanity.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, unless you're rolling in the dough, your kid's college list is probably going to consist of schools we can afford if she doesn't get financial aid; schools we are willing to take out loans for; schools that might give my kid financial aid, etc.
I learned long ago that it's ridiculous to critique somebody else's list because you have no idea what their parameters are. My best friend's husband works at a university that has some kind of pool of schools that their kids can get a hefty discount at, so their list looked really weird to outsiders (Why is she applying to that school in Wisconsin?). ANother neighbor had a kid who was using her husband's GI Bill, so they only looked at schools that matched GI BIll funds or something, so they had a weird list. Some states let you pay instate tuition if you're military and stationed there while others do not. A vet might have a hidden disability and some schools give a discount if your dad is a disabled vet.
Honestly, unless someone is offering to show you their tax returns, you have no idea how they made their list.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't talk about where you are applying.

She is definitely not. The other kids are seeing which college accounts she is following on social media, then it is somehow becoming a big deal. Crazy!

The parents pass this crap onto their children. Can we not let kids be kids???

If this is how they are figuring out where she is applying, seems like it would be pretty easy to have some fun by adding some more schools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, unless you're rolling in the dough, your kid's college list is probably going to consist of schools we can afford if she doesn't get financial aid; schools we are willing to take out loans for; schools that might give my kid financial aid, etc.
I learned long ago that it's ridiculous to critique somebody else's list because you have no idea what their parameters are. My best friend's husband works at a university that has some kind of pool of schools that their kids can get a hefty discount at, so their list looked really weird to outsiders (Why is she applying to that school in Wisconsin?). ANother neighbor had a kid who was using her husband's GI Bill, so they only looked at schools that matched GI BIll funds or something, so they had a weird list. Some states let you pay instate tuition if you're military and stationed there while others do not. A vet might have a hidden disability and some schools give a discount if your dad is a disabled vet.
Honestly, unless someone is offering to show you their tax returns, you have no idea how they made their list.

OP here - this is my point exactly! People need to stay in their own lane and stop making their children be little versions of (neurotic, narcissistic) them!

[Anonymous]

Treat it like religion and politics and stay mum....why? Well to a lot of parents it is both religion and politics and leads to absolutely insane actions.

[Anonymous]

DS's guidance counselor was angry at him for refusing to apply to the college her son went to, and told many kids and parents where he was applying and implied he was nuts to do that. So we got a lot of comments about "why would Zack even apply to _______?" My son would say things like "I just like wasting my parents' money on application fees" or "Good point. Guess I''ll see you around Rutgers." I would just say "Zack's asked me not to comment on his college admissions process so I am respecting that."

[Anonymous]

When my kid was applying I promised myself never to talk about where, mostly because I'm superstitious, but also because if she didn't get in I didn't want to add to distress by feeling like her mom's friends etc knew where she wanted to go. So I just owned it when people asked, and gave some breezy version of "oh I'm WAY to superstitious to talk about it out loud" and nobody was weird about it.

[Anonymous]

I mean if your kid is applying to "normal" schools why not tell?

Ok maybe omit your kid is applying to Harvard as a reach but why not UVA, W&M and VT for example (?)

Or an average student PSU PITT VT UDEL

I find it annoying if people think where they are applying is a "secret"

[Anonymous]

I suppose kids with tip top SAT scores may be reluctant but for the rest of everyone Naviance is an excellent predictor.

[Anonymous]

We just went through the process and DC said the principal and college counselors continuously lectured them about not sharing with each other. Of course they all still did and things got pretty competitive, with one mean girl who had top stats telling others that she was applying to such-and-such school just to hurt their chances (dream school of other kids). They know that they are competing with each other for the handful of spots kids from their school will get at select universities. A friend of my DC's asked my DC not to apply to a particular school because it was friend's first choice and friend thought my DC would hurt their chances. My DC was in tears a couple of times during the course of the application process, but ended up at first choice school so it all ended well.

It can get pretty ugly though.