If you have experienced other parents/kids being overly competitive

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get the big deal personally, and yes my kid is applying to top twenty schools. No we don’t expect her to get into all of them. That’s why you pick a range of schools with your stats. If you set realistic expectations, it’s not a huge deal.

I share when people ask me. I think it’s a whole lot weirder when people act like it’s a state secret. Get over yourself.

Yup, this is our experience too. My kid goes to a public magnet, is applying to some elite schools, and my conversations with parents about college admissions are completely normal, just like anything else in our lives that we talk about.

[Anonymous]

OP, is your child at a large public or public magnet?

Our kids all attended private high school and everyone was compassionate and supportive. I recall a handful of our son’s classmates really, really wanted to go to Notre Dame. You’d assume there was only one spot, maybe two, which would make the kids cutthroat. But they never were, they were all friends. And guess what? All four got admitted! Three ended up attending, the fourth went to in-state flagship U.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Posts like this always make me laugh. You can tell when people don’t work or at least don’t work in demanding professions because this is the kind of thing they get all butt hurt over. Please. Give me a break and toughen up.

Huh? Who doesn’t work?

[Anonymous]

Maybe the parents are competitive, if the daughter’s parents are successful and/or went to top schools? Maybe they think the daughter’s family knows some secret formula?

[Anonymous]

Don’t sweat it OP. Sadly the biggest flex some parents or kids will ever have is where the kid is applying. In most cases the time and money spent is a total waste, but whatever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don’t sweat it OP. Sadly the biggest flex some parents or kids will ever have is where the kid is applying. In most cases the time and money spent is a total waste, but whatever.

This seems to give you joy. Maybe think about that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t sweat it OP. Sadly the biggest flex some parents or kids will ever have is where the kid is applying. In most cases the time and money spent is a total waste, but whatever.

This seems to give you joy. Maybe think about that.

It doesn’t give me joy - it is a fact. OP is asking how to handle people that boast and publicize where their kid is applying in a competitive way, and in the end, with the exception of recruited athletes. most will end up at a State U or lesser known LAC. Nothing wrong with these schools, but Having been thorough this process a few times, the kids that get into the top schools are rarely a surprise nor are the ones that are rejected.

[Anonymous]

NP here and my kid has shared with a friend who doesn't go to the same school and who is not interested in the same colleges. The friend told her mom and the mom brought up one school my DD is applying to, implying that the fit with my DD was not right.

It is a reach school for my DD, and I just wanted to cringe because what these kids don't realize is for every school they talk about, if they don't get in, they end up having to follow up about how they didn't get in.

It's like why you don't tell people you're pregnant until you are out of your 1st trimester--because you don't want to have to go back and report to everyone you told that you had a miscarriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP here and my kid has shared with a friend who doesn't go to the same school and who is not interested in the same colleges. The friend told her mom and the mom brought up one school my DD is applying to, implying that the fit with my DD was not right.

It is a reach school for my DD, and I just wanted to cringe because what these kids don't realize is for every school they talk about, if they don't get in, they end up having to follow up about how they didn't get in.

It's like why you don't tell people you're pregnant until you are out of your 1st trimester--because you don't want to have to go back and report to everyone you told that you had a miscarriage.

Really why do you have to say where and where you don’t get in. If your list is Duke BC ND and UMD Honors and you only get into UMD Honors and BC and choose BC why not just say you are happy with BC. It’s kind of rude for someone to say oh but why not Duke?

[Anonymous]

Is this happening in small privates?

Because I can't imagine this happening at our large public school - most parents don't know each other that well, if at all, social circles overlap and kids and parents don't exist in a tiny bubble where people can obsess like this.

I always share stuff like this when asked. It's strange that others act like it's TOP SECRET.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t sweat it OP. Sadly the biggest flex some parents or kids will ever have is where the kid is applying. In most cases the time and money spent is a total waste, but whatever.

This seems to give you joy. Maybe think about that.

It doesn’t give me joy - it is a fact. OP is asking how to handle people that boast and publicize where their kid is applying in a competitive way, and in the end, with the exception of recruited athletes. most will end up at a State U or lesser known LAC. Nothing wrong with these schools, but Having been thorough this process a few times, the kids that get into the top schools are rarely a surprise nor are the ones that are rejected.

I'm sorry but your own words in the first post dispute that assertion. You have zero empathy for those families, at a minimum.

Why do you care what other families do so much?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t sweat it OP. Sadly the biggest flex some parents or kids will ever have is where the kid is applying. In most cases the time and money spent is a total waste, but whatever.

This seems to give you joy. Maybe think about that.

It doesn’t give me joy - it is a fact. OP is asking how to handle people that boast and publicize where their kid is applying in a competitive way, and in the end, with the exception of recruited athletes. most will end up at a State U or lesser known LAC. Nothing wrong with these schools, but Having been thorough this process a few times, the kids that get into the top schools are rarely a surprise nor are the ones that are rejected.

I'm sorry but your own words in the first post dispute that assertion. You have zero empathy for those families, at a minimum.

Why do you care what other families do so much?

+1

The question is what to do when other families care about other people too much, under the guise of "caring" - but it is really because the other parents are living vicariously through their children - for clarification.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP here and my kid has shared with a friend who doesn't go to the same school and who is not interested in the same colleges. The friend told her mom and the mom brought up one school my DD is applying to, implying that the fit with my DD was not right.

It is a reach school for my DD, and I just wanted to cringe because what these kids don't realize is for every school they talk about, if they don't get in, they end up having to follow up about how they didn't get in.

It's like why you don't tell people you're pregnant until you are out of your 1st trimester--because you don't want to have to go back and report to everyone you told that you had a miscarriage.

+1

This I understand.

If you are at the same school, applying the same year, there is no reason to share with over competitive parents, and the other insecure parents know that - they go to extremes to find out.

But WHY - is the question.

[Anonymous]

The only thing you can adapt is yourself and how you communicate with your kids about the value or lack of value around this. Letting them know how people place unnecessary value on what schools people get into or not. Do things like talk about examples of people who are just fine in life no matter what school they went to, etc. Having grown up here it is toxic and overwhelming.

And in my less mature moments, I've been known to remind parents (and went to a range of colleges) who make way more than I do that I'm the one with 2 Ivy degrees.... Opps.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One thing that happened this year that was interesting is that the parents of kids that got into some really competitive schools are 100% remote -so they were bragging and bragging but now their kid is stuck at home while a lot of others are on campus. Of course, that's not universally related to rank, but my DS has 3 Ivy friends stuck at home while he is at a lower ranked school doing a good job with covid and having in person classes.....

So be careful what you ask for.

Before COVID-19, we had tuberculosis in early 1900s. Henry David Thoreau took a leave of Harvard because of the disease. You might say he did remote during the time of tuberculosis, living out of Concord woods, reading and writing, all the while remaining in constantly in contact with his Harvard professor and mentor Emerson. The rest is history. We still read his book, Walden, among others. The Ivy students are still connected and are continuing with their work even in remote. If I were a betting man, I’d not be surprised if the next Henry David Thoreau, Bill Gate, or Steve Jobs comes out of Ivies in this age of coronavirus.

Henry David Thoreau was also an insufferable jerk who burned down the woods surrounding Walden and laughed at the dumb townies who had to put out the fire and the low-class owners who suffered grievous financial losses.