Is it rude to speak a second language with children
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Anonymous
Presumably, OP's Dh is still living in the same country/culture he grew up in. OP is the one who chose to move to a different location/culture and have a child with a man from a different culture IN HIS location/culture. The onus is on her to assimilate. |
Anonymous
Yeah in 1950 that was true. If you marry someone who speaks another language, you learn that language. |
Anonymous
No, this is standard advice for two-language families. |
Anonymous
| Yes. It’s rude with people outside your family and it’s good for your baby/child to hear English. Luckily DH speaks German fairly well so it wasn’t an issue at home but with anyone else, we always spoke in English. Now that DD’s 14 and has a good footing in French as well, she and I speak all three when we’re alone. |
Anonymous
Op, I agree. If your kids are young enough that they are still learning both languages, you should be consistent and speak to them in your language as much as you can. My SIL did this for her first, and he is fluent in two languages. She did not do it for her other children, and they are not fluent the the second language. Just say to whomever you are with "Excuse me for speaking X to them, they are at that critical age where I need to be consistent." Also, the only people who gave my SIL a difficult time were other mommies who were jealous that SIL was raising a bilingual child. They accused her of "showing off." It was childish and ridiculous. And this was in NYC, not some small town where it would be out of the ordinary for someone to speak multiple languages. |
Anonymous
Ignore this response |
Anonymous
I don’t think you have any experience with this. |
Anonymous
| Running errands? At the playground with just your child, sure - go for it. At the playground w a playgroup. Or dinner at a neighbors house- no way, totally rude |
Anonymous
| I don’t think it’s rude at all. I know many families that do this and in my friends cases the non-speaking parent ENCOURAGES the other parent to speak this non native language for both English-only parent and for the child(ren). |
Anonymous
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I don't worry about it in public - at the supermarket, restaurants, playground, etc.
If we have someone to our house or are in someone else's home and they don't speak our language, then we use English. |
Anonymous
Agree |
Anonymous
| Uhh what? Where do these crazy people who think its rude live? We are in NWDC and there are so many world bank/IMF/diplomat families around speaking second languages to their children that anyone getting offended would have no one to socialize with. I only speak English and it literally never occurred to me this could possibly be rude. |
Anonymous
| I always speak to my kids in my language, I don't care who is around. If your kids are little you don't need to speak to them in English, at all. We don't even speak English when we're at home. They're fluent in 3 different languages. |
Anonymous
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Op if you want your kid to respond to you in your language you should go back to only speaking to them in your language.
When other people are around, speak to THEM in english, not your kid. you can translate and repeat yourself in english to the people if you need to. When you look in your child's eyes connect that with your language. If your kids are picking up that you are uncomfortable speaking your language in front of others if will be interpreted to them that english is of higher social value, and your kids will just want to speak English. This is a sociological thing that happens with so many languages based on social value. Kids pick up on social value of languages. There is a lot of information on raising bilingual kids out there that you can find. What worked for ideas treating it as a manners thing. We taught our kids it was wrong to reply in a different language. If you are addressed in a language, you should reply in that language. I would be strict with your kids and silly even. Dramatically and hilariously misunderstand them when they speak to you in english. Be annoying about it. Require the language. raising them bilingually is a gift that is worth the work to undo this dynamic. My dh understands the language I spoke to our kids, but he hilariously would pretend he did not. I would say "put on your shoes" and he would say,I don't know what your mom said but you should put on your shoes first!" They found this hilatious. He still does it. It is like a dad joke, they are teens now and have finally caught on that he is mistranslating on purpose. It is an ongoing family joke. Obviously you should not misunderstand when other people speak English to you, but when your kids say like "can I have more dessert?" In english you could say, "oh I am so happy you want more carrots!" In your language and then they can correct your misunderstanding in your language to clarify what they meant. Also another popular thing people do is to move very slowly if your kids ask you in english, but very fast when they use your language. These things are only necessary to get your kids to make a new habit. You will not have to keep it up forever. You can do this. Especially right now with shelter in place, it is the time to make this change. |
Anonymous
Both of my brothers married someone whose native language is not English. One of them exclusively spoke native language to children, even when my brother and others who could not speak the language were there. The other spoke the native language when alone with the children, but when around my brother (or others) spoke English. One is now divorced, the other is still happily married. Guess which is which? |