What reasons WOULD you decide to leave/divorce over

[Anonymous]

You need to go to marriage counseling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Other than cheating/affair/addiction.

Is there anything? I am finding after 2 kids and 11 years of marriage we are really 2 quite completely different people. He has never been my 'best friend' but has always been a friend with some common interests and someone I have loved.
However, this past year (preCOVID) has been rocky at best for me. We don't share similar future goals/experiences/hopes/dreams. We don't really share common interests anymore. Other than the kids I really can't think of anything I want or need to talk to him about.
He has been increasingly difficult to talk to because he thinks disagreeing with something requires a fight/argument. Even simple everyday things. I asked him if he could please turn on the dishwasher as i was heading out the door because i forgot to (i had just loaded it) and he proceeds to complain about having to stop work to do the dishes. I said to forget it i would do it when i get home and continued to go on and on. I left because i needed ot get to work and the kids to camps.

We had a big blow up a week ago about weather or not still take a family vacation to a tourist spot. I said I would rather err on the side of caution this time and postpone. He slammed his fists down and started screaming how "I just want to waste money". I said i think we should call to see if we can postpone or get a refund. If not we could discuss options. This wasn't good enough. He went on and on and on.
I have to say, something just clicked in me. I am just so over him and what our marriage has become. I just don't have it in me.
I work a stressful job at an outpatient clinic and just don't even want to go home most days.
Our kids are young (under 11) but I am just miserable and the thought of being with him for another 11 years makes me feel dead inside.

Get counseling.

I would divorce over the three "A's": abuse, adultery, addiction

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why there are marriage vows. Because it gets really, really hard.

But life is short so if you are miserable, how long should you stay? I mean, why waste your life with someone who doesn't make you happy or bring out the best in you?

is this a joke? Marriage is a life-long commitment. Of course your feelings will wax and wane. If you don't want to deal with that, then don't get married. Stay single so you can be involved with whoever makes you happy or brings out the best in you for a few years at a time. Then they get old, and you can just move on to someone else. But that's not marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Other than cheating/affair/addiction.

Is there anything? I am finding after 2 kids and 11 years of marriage we are really 2 quite completely different people. He has never been my 'best friend' but has always been a friend with some common interests and someone I have loved.
However, this past year (preCOVID) has been rocky at best for me. We don't share similar future goals/experiences/hopes/dreams. We don't really share common interests anymore. Other than the kids I really can't think of anything I want or need to talk to him about.
He has been increasingly difficult to talk to because he thinks disagreeing with something requires a fight/argument. Even simple everyday things. I asked him if he could please turn on the dishwasher as i was heading out the door because i forgot to (i had just loaded it) and he proceeds to complain about having to stop work to do the dishes. I said to forget it i would do it when i get home and continued to go on and on. I left because i needed ot get to work and the kids to camps.

We had a big blow up a week ago about weather or not still take a family vacation to a tourist spot. I said I would rather err on the side of caution this time and postpone. He slammed his fists down and started screaming how "I just want to waste money". I said i think we should call to see if we can postpone or get a refund. If not we could discuss options. This wasn't good enough. He went on and on and on.
I have to say, something just clicked in me. I am just so over him and what our marriage has become. I just don't have it in me.
I work a stressful job at an outpatient clinic and just don't even want to go home most days.
Our kids are young (under 11) but I am just miserable and the thought of being with him for another 11 years makes me feel dead inside.

Get counseling.

I would divorce over the three "A's": abuse, adultery, addiction

“The three As?” Vast majority of marriages have one or more of those three occur at one point or another. Be realistic before you get married. Marriage is hard and understand what addiction actually means. Plenty of functional alcoholics in DC who also figure out a way to hold it together at home. Plenty of cheaters in this town too whose spouses either turn a blind eye, or also have an AP - and many of these homes are stable. Basically, I would leave if DH physically abused me.

[Anonymous]

other reasons beside cheating?

emotional or physical abuse
addiction or "unhealthy" management of street or prescription drugs, alcohol, or marijuana.

unwillingness to treat mental illness

unwillingness to work full time (which is different from inability to work full time or mutual choice not to work full time)

unwillingness to be an equal partner in the maintenance of the home and social networks in a way that is agreeable to both partners

lack of a mutually satisfying sex life

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Other than cheating/affair/addiction.

Is there anything? I am finding after 2 kids and 11 years of marriage we are really 2 quite completely different people. He has never been my 'best friend' but has always been a friend with some common interests and someone I have loved.
However, this past year (preCOVID) has been rocky at best for me. We don't share similar future goals/experiences/hopes/dreams. We don't really share common interests anymore. Other than the kids I really can't think of anything I want or need to talk to him about.
He has been increasingly difficult to talk to because he thinks disagreeing with something requires a fight/argument. Even simple everyday things. I asked him if he could please turn on the dishwasher as i was heading out the door because i forgot to (i had just loaded it) and he proceeds to complain about having to stop work to do the dishes. I said to forget it i would do it when i get home and continued to go on and on. I left because i needed ot get to work and the kids to camps.

We had a big blow up a week ago about weather or not still take a family vacation to a tourist spot. I said I would rather err on the side of caution this time and postpone. He slammed his fists down and started screaming how "I just want to waste money". I said i think we should call to see if we can postpone or get a refund. If not we could discuss options. This wasn't good enough. He went on and on and on.
I have to say, something just clicked in me. I am just so over him and what our marriage has become. I just don't have it in me.
I work a stressful job at an outpatient clinic and just don't even want to go home most days.
Our kids are young (under 11) but I am just miserable and the thought of being with him for another 11 years makes me feel dead inside.

Get counseling.

I would divorce over the three "A's": abuse, adultery, addiction

“The three As?” Vast majority of marriages have one or more of those three occur at one point or another. Be realistic before you get married. Marriage is hard and understand what addiction actually means. Plenty of functional alcoholics in DC who also figure out a way to hold it together at home. Plenty of cheaters in this town too whose spouses either turn a blind eye, or also have an AP - and many of these homes are stable. Basically, I would leave if DH physically abused me.

People like you are the reason I stayed so long in an abusive relationship. I thought as long as he wasn't hitting me, I should stay. That is NOT true. Emotional and verbal abuse can destroy the abused partner. Infidelity as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Today is my 43rd wedding anniversary. Just want to say if there is some love, any amount to build on try to build the love back. Tempers can be controlled if one wants but it takes two working together to make it work.

Talk. Not argue, talk. Show the love, tell him what you want. Ask him what he needs. Once that's established you can start getting your lives back.

I wouldn't take physical abuse, affairs, financial infidelities. Those things are unforgivable in my eyes.

Be honest. Be firm. Be strong. You will know the answer to your question once you have the talk.

Good luck. I wish you nothing but happiness no matter what happens.

I can relate to OP. I have a question for pp though, what do you do if your DH doesn’t communicate with you? Every time I try to bring up a topic about us, he gets defensive, says something snarky and leaves the room. He refuses to go to counseling so I’m going to go on my own. Not sure how to stay in a marriage where a partner refuses to communicate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am year 2 of a sexless marriage and I am considering leaving. The painful part is how well we otherwise get along, parent well, and it seems so trivial at times to blow it all up so I can feel genuinely loved and fulfilled again. I would much, much rather be cheated on and have a sexual relationship at home than be rejected constantly.

I am under no illusion what divorce brings. It trades one set of problems for another.

No real advice here other than to say many married people go through this.

You have been married for two years only?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Other than cheating/affair/addiction.

Is there anything? I am finding after 2 kids and 11 years of marriage we are really 2 quite completely different people. He has never been my 'best friend' but has always been a friend with some common interests and someone I have loved.
However, this past year (preCOVID) has been rocky at best for me. We don't share similar future goals/experiences/hopes/dreams. We don't really share common interests anymore. Other than the kids I really can't think of anything I want or need to talk to him about.
He has been increasingly difficult to talk to because he thinks disagreeing with something requires a fight/argument. Even simple everyday things. I asked him if he could please turn on the dishwasher as i was heading out the door because i forgot to (i had just loaded it) and he proceeds to complain about having to stop work to do the dishes. I said to forget it i would do it when i get home and continued to go on and on. I left because i needed ot get to work and the kids to camps.

We had a big blow up a week ago about weather or not still take a family vacation to a tourist spot. I said I would rather err on the side of caution this time and postpone. He slammed his fists down and started screaming how "I just want to waste money". I said i think we should call to see if we can postpone or get a refund. If not we could discuss options. This wasn't good enough. He went on and on and on.
I have to say, something just clicked in me. I am just so over him and what our marriage has become. I just don't have it in me.
I work a stressful job at an outpatient clinic and just don't even want to go home most days.
Our kids are young (under 11) but I am just miserable and the thought of being with him for another 11 years makes me feel dead inside.

Get counseling.

I would divorce over the three "A's": abuse, adultery, addiction

“The three As?” Vast majority of marriages have one or more of those three occur at one point or another. Be realistic before you get married. Marriage is hard and understand what addiction actually means. Plenty of functional alcoholics in DC who also figure out a way to hold it together at home. Plenty of cheaters in this town too whose spouses either turn a blind eye, or also have an AP - and many of these homes are stable. Basically, I would leave if DH physically abused me.

People like you are the reason I stayed so long in an abusive relationship. I thought as long as he wasn't hitting me, I should stay. That is NOT true. Emotional and verbal abuse can destroy the abused partner. Infidelity as well.

This, this, and this! He shouldn’t be yelling at you like that. If this is how he reacts to a disagreement, that’s abusive. In my own experience, I tried and tried and tried to fix things. But it takes two to tango. He wouldn’t change so I had to leave.

It’s important to remember too that what your kids see matters. If it’s an unhealthy relationship and you’ve tried to fix it but your partner is not willing to compromise, you’re showing them an unhealthy relationship and they will most likely mirror this in their future relationships. I know, because that’s what I did. Your kids will also be better off if you’re happy.

[Anonymous]

“The three As?” Vast majority of marriages have one or more of those three occur at one point or another.

No, that's ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Other than cheating/affair/addiction.

Is there anything? I am finding after 2 kids and 11 years of marriage we are really 2 quite completely different people. He has never been my 'best friend' but has always been a friend with some common interests and someone I have loved.
However, this past year (preCOVID) has been rocky at best for me. We don't share similar future goals/experiences/hopes/dreams. We don't really share common interests anymore. Other than the kids I really can't think of anything I want or need to talk to him about.
He has been increasingly difficult to talk to because he thinks disagreeing with something requires a fight/argument. Even simple everyday things. I asked him if he could please turn on the dishwasher as i was heading out the door because i forgot to (i had just loaded it) and he proceeds to complain about having to stop work to do the dishes. I said to forget it i would do it when i get home and continued to go on and on. I left because i needed ot get to work and the kids to camps.

We had a big blow up a week ago about weather or not still take a family vacation to a tourist spot. I said I would rather err on the side of caution this time and postpone. He slammed his fists down and started screaming how "I just want to waste money". I said i think we should call to see if we can postpone or get a refund. If not we could discuss options. This wasn't good enough. He went on and on and on.
I have to say, something just clicked in me. I am just so over him and what our marriage has become. I just don't have it in me.
I work a stressful job at an outpatient clinic and just don't even want to go home most days.
Our kids are young (under 11) but I am just miserable and the thought of being with him for another 11 years makes me feel dead inside.

Get counseling.

I would divorce over the three "A's": abuse, adultery, addiction

“The three As?” Vast majority of marriages have one or more of those three occur at one point or another. Be realistic before you get married. Marriage is hard and understand what addiction actually means. Plenty of functional alcoholics in DC who also figure out a way to hold it together at home. Plenty of cheaters in this town too whose spouses either turn a blind eye, or also have an AP - and many of these homes are stable. Basically, I would leave if DH physically abused me.

People like you are the reason I stayed so long in an abusive relationship. I thought as long as he wasn't hitting me, I should stay. That is NOT true. Emotional and verbal abuse can destroy the abused partner. Infidelity as well.

People like me? You have no idea what my marriage is like and do not know me. I as well, have no idea what you went through but am very sorry you were in an abusive relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Too bad Op, you get through this. You don't wreak your kid's lives over this. Not during covid. Not ever, but chances are things will improve post pandemic.

I never understand these marriage martyrs.

[Anonymous]

If I reached into her panties, found a twig and berries!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am year 2 of a sexless marriage and I am considering leaving. The painful part is how well we otherwise get along, parent well, and it seems so trivial at times to blow it all up so I can feel genuinely loved and fulfilled again. I would much, much rather be cheated on and have a sexual relationship at home than be rejected constantly.

I am under no illusion what divorce brings. It trades one set of problems for another.

No real advice here other than to say many married people go through this.

You have been married for two years only?

Married 17 years, sexless last two but really the sex life ground to a halt when the kids came more than a decade ago. I assumed it would come back when they got older but it only got worse.

So lonely. I can handle infidelity. Celibacy, no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am year 2 of a sexless marriage and I am considering leaving. The painful part is how well we otherwise get along, parent well, and it seems so trivial at times to blow it all up so I can feel genuinely loved and fulfilled again. I would much, much rather be cheated on and have a sexual relationship at home than be rejected constantly.

I am under no illusion what divorce brings. It trades one set of problems for another.

No real advice here other than to say many married people go through this.

You have been married for two years only?

Married 17 years, sexless last two but really the sex life ground to a halt when the kids came more than a decade ago. I assumed it would come back when they got older but it only got worse.

So lonely. I can handle infidelity. Celibacy, no.

Are you a man or a woman?