What reasons WOULD you decide to leave/divorce over
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
Bible thumpers |
Anonymous
On DCUM? Get real! |
Anonymous
| I left because of verbal/emotional abuse. Also, after we had our kid and he really realized what fatherhood responsibilities were about, he completely checked out. Like, completely. Decided it wasn't for him. And yes, these are acceptable reasons for divorce. |
Anonymous
| PP here, will also add ex has anger issues. His outbursts occured in front of our kid, and even the baby, as a baby, was aware and would start crying. He couldn't even control himself in front of our kid. |
Anonymous
Have you seen the religion forum? |
Anonymous
| Someone acting like a tyrant and controlling me by screaming at me, lying to me, calling me names, and phone control. |
Anonymous
|
Op marriages go through slumps. I remember going through one a couple of years back where I really thought DH had grown apart and there was nothing left between us. I remember for the first time understanding why people divorced for simply growing apart. Life is not meant to be endured, you should be striving to enjoy it.
However DH and I got through that patch and are now really happy and in sync again. So if it's been 2 years or less I would be having a serious conversation with your DH. Is he stressed? What is making him angry, anxious? Perhaps he needs this holiday as life has gotten monotonous and he just needs a break. I mean the time it took to ask him to press start on the dishwasher you probably could have just quickly pressed it and run out. It's time to look at your own behaviours and really think about whether some things are annoying. Talk about it with him. However if this did continue then no why should you spend the rest of your life with someone who living with stresses you out. If you can't come back or resolve it then no I wouldn't want to in a marriage where you are both strangers. You don't need to sacrifice your life for that, the kids will learn to cope. |
Anonymous
| All who consider “affairs” to be divorce worthy had better be holding up their end of this. It is hypocritical to expect sustained fidelity despite reduced frequency. |
Anonymous
| OP, your DH sounds really unhappy and stressed. What's going on with him? He can't be a good partner if he's miserable. |
Anonymous
| Feeling rejected and Unloved would cause me to leave. Is that abuse? Not sure, but it’s reason enough to leave a bad marriage. |
Anonymous
To be more specific, I am referring when I say "People like you" to the poster immediately above me. What I took from that post and its tone (and perhaps I misread, but think not) is the idea, frequently promoted, that all or most marriages have abuse/infidelity or addition, and that posters who think they will not have to confront those issues are being "unrealistic" about marriage. That people who are alcoholics or adulterers do manage to stay with the spouse because they are "functional" or "hold it together at home" or the spouses "turn a blind eye" or "become cheaters" and you call those homes "stable". Then you say you would leave if your DH physically abused you -- and coming at the end of everything you wrote, that sounds like you are saying it is the only legitimate reason to end a marriage. I believe you are promoting a very dangerous (especially to women) and unhealthy (to all, including the kids) idea about marriage -- that marriage is forever and only thing that should end it is if one person is physically abusing the other. Many people have a very high bar even for when physical abuse ends the marriage -- was it more than one time? did you try to get him into counseling? are you contributing to it?, etc. Personally, I didn't leave my abuser until the second time he threatened to beat the crap out of me. Yes, that's right. Read that sentence and think about how crazy it is that I would stay with someone who even threatened to beat the crap out of me once. I have thought often about why I, a highly educated women with a strong sense of self esteem and a supportive family would have stayed with such a person. The answer comes down to the VERY strong culture of marriage and love that promotes the idea that we have "one" person that is our soulmate and that marriage is forever no matter what and that kids are permanently damaged by ending a marriage that has abuse, addiction or adultery more than they are damaged by staying in such a marriage. Add on top of that the prior to the first physical threat, I suffered through 6-7 years of verbal and emotional abuse. I recognize now that the verbal and emotional abuse -- coming after 3 very good years at the end of which we got engaged -- conditioned me and broke me down to normalize threats, even a threat of physical abuse. It's not just the culture that supports that but also the legal system (for a long time prior to no-fault divorce) which allowed men to beat and rape their wives without criminalizing those acts as acts of assault or rape. In fact, the legal system today still does not really protect women who are victims of intimate partner physical abuse. Neither the culture nor the legal system protect women at all from verbal or physical abuse. I personally consider AOC's recent speech on the floor of the House to be the first public step in the culture confronting verbal abuse of women. Again, think how crazy that is. So that is why I say people like you -- who promote the idea of marriage uber alles -- are the reason I (and other women) stay so long in abusive relationships. It doesn't matter what your *marriage* is like. Maybe you have a great one, maybe not. What matters is the idea of marriage that you are promoting and the idea that women have an obligation to remain in relationships with perpetrators of abuse. Your sorrow for the fact that I was in an abusive relationship is completely fake if you are at the same time promoting the idea that a marriage with an adulterer or functional alcoholic is "stable". |
Anonymous
|
Another person in a sexless marriage. Sexless, not loveless. But it's hard to tell the difference
Debating between leaving, affair or just living with it. Agree with others, celibacy is far worse than being cheated on. I can understand being cheated on but being rejected is far more cruel. |
Anonymous
|
Too obvious maybe, but couples counseling?
Bad things happen in life, maybe before you even met each other. Sometimes, love makes everything else ok. Sometimes it doesn't and then it gets really hard. Your husband is dealing with "something" OP and maybe you are too. It would be great for both of you to figure out what that something is. |
Anonymous
|
Here are the reasons I left (I am a woman):
1. Disrespect 2. Not being consulted or considered in major life decisions 3. Emotional abuse 4. No love or affection and sexlessness for YEARS (most of the marriage) Another reason to go is mental illness (not my issue but that is a reason to leave) I personally think the things I mentioned are worse than cheating. If it was just cheating, I could stay. But not the four items I mentioned--those are divorce worthy, especially combined. |
Anonymous
+1. Then they divorce when the child grows up, and they rip up the entire lie leaving an older kid traumatized. But they are an adult so they will get over it. It’s a load of crap. It’s like gaslighting your children until they are adults, and hoping they practice what you preach. But not what you did. |