Privy to 20-something nephew's red flags, tell brother (management) before he hires him?

[Anonymous]

Absolutely warn your brother no question. I can only assume the huffy responses here are from mothers of similar fail sons. Just stick to the facts when you tell him, sounds like they’re perfectly damning without any added opinion from you.

[Anonymous]

Are you always this negative OP? Mind your own business and let the kid have a chance to succeed. Not everyone is "perfect" like you.

[Anonymous]

Maybe I missed it but what is your brother's role at this company? Is your brother the owner or is your brother an employee? The distinction is important and determines your role here.

If your brother is the owner then let it all play out. Perhaps your brother can do some tough love and get the nephew to shape up before he is shipped out.

However, if your brother is an employee, reporting to someone else and subject to termination himself, then you absolutely must give your brother a head's up. Your brother shouldn't lose his job or be in danger of losing his job because he is trying to help his nephew.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you always this negative OP? Mind your own business and let the kid have a chance to succeed. Not everyone is "perfect" like you.

I agree. I am shocked at the lack of compassion and the utter disdain for your nephew and his parents. No matter what people say here, you are just going to ruin any chance your nephew has whether it be telling your brother in your vitriolic hyperbole or intervening in other opportunities that may present themselves to your nephew.

I have a child that has serious mental health issues and has been in and out of hospitals and treatment programs for years. Not too long ago, someone gave my child a chance and they rose to the occasion. It has been such a gift.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound like you hate your nephew and have a strong personal grudge against him.

Maybe he deserves it, maybe he doesn't, but when you are this focused on making sure a kid that is not your kid 'suffers' adequately than you come off as a mean person stepping far over the boundary lines.

It is legitimately hard to tell if your brother should be warned as you come across as incredibly unreliable as a narrator. Do you have parents? If so let them make this decision as I imagine they care about their grandson and son more equally and can make a balanced recommendation. You seem to hate your nephew so are clearly incapable of conveying any type of warning with grace or compassion.

Not originally or without warrant. When people show you who they are over a period of several years, are you not to believe them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound like you hate your nephew and have a strong personal grudge against him.

Maybe he deserves it, maybe he doesn't, but when you are this focused on making sure a kid that is not your kid 'suffers' adequately than you come off as a mean person stepping far over the boundary lines.

It is legitimately hard to tell if your brother should be warned as you come across as incredibly unreliable as a narrator. Do you have parents? If so let them make this decision as I imagine they care about their grandson and son more equally and can make a balanced recommendation. You seem to hate your nephew so are clearly incapable of conveying any type of warning with grace or compassion.

Not originally or without warrant. When people show you who they are over a period of several years, are you not to believe them?

I tend to be...supportive and optimistic when it comes to my children and nieces and nephews. We're talking about a young person in the OP's family here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe I missed it but what is your brother's role at this company? Is your brother the owner or is your brother an employee? The distinction is important and determines your role here.

If your brother is the owner then let it all play out. Perhaps your brother can do some tough love and get the nephew to shape up before he is shipped out.

However, if your brother is an employee, reporting to someone else and subject to termination himself, then you absolutely must give your brother a head's up. Your brother shouldn't lose his job or be in danger of losing his job because he is trying to help his nephew.

Management, not owner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound like you hate your nephew and have a strong personal grudge against him.

Maybe he deserves it, maybe he doesn't, but when you are this focused on making sure a kid that is not your kid 'suffers' adequately than you come off as a mean person stepping far over the boundary lines.

It is legitimately hard to tell if your brother should be warned as you come across as incredibly unreliable as a narrator. Do you have parents? If so let them make this decision as I imagine they care about their grandson and son more equally and can make a balanced recommendation. You seem to hate your nephew so are clearly incapable of conveying any type of warning with grace or compassion.

Not originally or without warrant. When people show you who they are over a period of several years, are you not to believe them?

The nephew is a kid. A teenager it sounds like but this isn't some 30 year old meth head. Its a teenage boy who's acted out a lot. Hardly the first or the last. If we have up on all teenage boys acting like selfish idiots I'm not sure we'd have much of a society left!

Generally when anyone is talking the way OP is, like, seeming to relish in the idea of a KID getting a comeuppance, and even more a kid she's RELATED to, I feel like the problem is primarily with them.

[Anonymous]

OP, this sounds like you are a busybody, and let me guess -- you are also either a SAHM or under-employed, and wish somebody would hand you an easy freebie of a job without deserving it.

[Anonymous]

If kid’s screwup at new job can blow back on uncle, then imo you should tell him.

[Anonymous]

OP, I think it is reasonable to warn a relative about anyone they are considering hiring if you think the hire could cause serious negative consequences. The problem is from your post it sounds like you are mostly just mad that your nephew is "getting away" with "bad" behavior and you want to punish him for that. The fact that your husband is not on your side tells me it is more about you wanting to punish your nephew than protect your brother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely warn your brother no question. I can only assume the huffy responses here are from mothers of similar fail sons. Just stick to the facts when you tell him, sounds like they’re perfectly damning without any added opinion from you.

I agree with this totally. All these people heaping criticism on you sound SUPER defensive and suspect.

This is your family, not some random employer or friend, you have an obligation to speak to your brother. Wouldn't you want the same thing? You have information that you can impart. I think you should do it unemotionally and presenting facts that you are 100% sure of, and then be done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is your nephew addicted to drugs? A spousal abuser? Publicly exposing himself?

Please butt out otherwise.

That is my hunch, sadly, but I can't prove that. As in, if you explained his pattern of behavior and decisions to impartial people, it sounds self-destructive and stoner-like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, this sounds like you are a busybody, and let me guess -- you are also either a SAHM or under-employed, and wish somebody would hand you an easy freebie of a job without deserving it.

No reason to be a d!ck and insult other people. Calling OP a busybody is accurate enough. Also, many busybodies are very gainfully employed. They just enjoy busy-ing, so they make time for it all.

-A SAHM who left her amazing career to care for her child with special needs.

[Anonymous]

I would talk to nephew directly.