DW cosleeping with DS.

[Anonymous]

Does your wife work outside of the home? Do you split parenting other than the cosleeping arrangement? And DCs preferences for parents change, the first time my 2 yr old declared they wanted Daddy at bedtime I was thrilled.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, I've seen this story before. Mommy puts the kid first, husband is secondary except to donate sperm for the next one. Resentment builds. She gets fat. You cheat. You may or may not divorce in about 8 years.

Well that covers everybody!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If she is on the attachment parent train you are screwed. My sister was all about this, as were two of her close friends, and they coslept until middle school when the kids finally got really upset. It was crazy town and now, 15 years later, all three couples are divorced and the moms are still over the top. Have a conversation but if she’s insistent, good luck.

oooookay. I don't know any attachment parents who co slept until middle school, but I guess your sister and her friends are special crazy? It's not typical of either attachment parents or cosleeping families.

Um, every so often my 13 year old daughter climbs in bed with me. But mostly she hates me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, I've seen this story before. Mommy puts the kid first, husband is secondary except to donate sperm for the next one. Resentment builds. She gets fat. You cheat. You may or may not divorce in about 8 years.

PP You are one piece of work!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does your wife work outside of the home? Do you split parenting other than the cosleeping arrangement? And DCs preferences for parents change, the first time my 2 yr old declared they wanted Daddy at bedtime I was thrilled.

She does work full time. We have a full time nanny and a housekeeper.

Right now our nanny is laid off so I am watching our son during the day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If she is on the attachment parent train you are screwed. My sister was all about this, as were two of her close friends, and they coslept until middle school when the kids finally got really upset. It was crazy town and now, 15 years later, all three couples are divorced and the moms are still over the top. Have a conversation but if she’s insistent, good luck.

oooookay. I don't know any attachment parents who co slept until middle school, but I guess your sister and her friends are special crazy? It's not typical of either attachment parents or cosleeping families.

Every woman I’ve known who co-sleeps like this has ended up doing it, in whole or in part, at least until the kids are WELL into elementary school. It is crazy.

[Anonymous]

I am still cosleeping with my kid most nights. She is almost six years old. Tried everything. I stopped trying at age 2 to cut it off. She woke up and made everyone miserable. No one was sleeping.

13 months? Still a baby. No way in hell they are too attached to each other. This is normal in many, many cultures.

Your baby might be a terrible terrible sleeper like mine. In that case, this might be the best arrangement for everyone in the house to get sleep.

My first child slept through the night at 10 months and we NEVER coslept. Kids are different.

[Anonymous]

Your wife will eventually end up a single parent if this continues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you read at all about attachment parenting? There's no such thing as being "too attached". Rather than playing along, you and your wife need to talk about a shared parenting style that you both believe in.

Attachment Parenting is shallow, trendy drivel. OP, do yourself a favor and read up instead on attachment *theory*, its underlying psychology.

PP, this is about the OP's relationship with his DW as much as it is about parenting style.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DW has been co sleeping with our 13 month old son since he was about 3 months old. They have a very close bond and she’s a fantastic mother.

But I miss my wife. I miss having evenings with her. Often times she or I will put him down in and then she goes to bed about an hour or two later. If we’re intimate, it’s only in the shower. I’d like to have another child one day and she’s intent on continuing to co sleep with BOTH kids. She child proofed the bedroom and bought a king sized bed and it’s on the floor with a frame that’s low to the ground. Our son had a custom Montessori floor bed in his room.

I tried to put our son down in his room alone last night and he went down just fine. He woke after about two hours crying and could not be consoled by me. It’s very clear my DW is the preferred parent and she was very distressed at the idea of not sleeping next to our DS.

Im concerned my wife and son are almost too attached to eachother. My wife is into the whole gamet: slings, wraps, Montessori preschools and attachment parenting. I’m not sure I buy into all of it but I play along. I just wish they could sleep apart for ONE night.

My stbx felt the way you do.
I was almost like your DW.
I don’t want to blame anyone. For me it was clear that my spouse time was over and my child time began. I care around but it was too late.
I understand your need, just as I understood my ex’s need.
But I don’t regret anything (maybe because he is also a shitty father and a shitty husband).
If you are a good father and husband she is afraid to lose, you need to get serious that it’s either divorce or this. But you still have no guarantee.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DW has been co sleeping with our 13 month old son since he was about 3 months old. They have a very close bond and she’s a fantastic mother.

But I miss my wife. I miss having evenings with her. Often times she or I will put him down in and then she goes to bed about an hour or two later. If we’re intimate, it’s only in the shower. I’d like to have another child one day and she’s intent on continuing to co sleep with BOTH kids. She child proofed the bedroom and bought a king sized bed and it’s on the floor with a frame that’s low to the ground. Our son had a custom Montessori floor bed in his room.

I tried to put our son down in his room alone last night and he went down just fine. He woke after about two hours crying and could not be consoled by me. It’s very clear my DW is the preferred parent and she was very distressed at the idea of not sleeping next to our DS.

Im concerned my wife and son are almost too attached to eachother. My wife is into the whole gamet: slings, wraps, Montessori preschools and attachment parenting. I’m not sure I buy into all of it but I play along. I just wish they could sleep apart for ONE night.

Ive coslept with my kid since 4 months when we moved him out of the RnP. He had horrible reflux that exacerbated a breathing issue. We moved him to his own bed for naps at 16/17 months and then naps and bed at 20months. Less than a month into that, a family member had to move in unexpectedly for 6 months, we moved into a bigger house and took a month to get used to the new house before we started transitioning into him sleeping in his room again. He is 28 months. Don't listen to the horror stories from peoples anecdotal experiences 2nd and 3rd hand.

Have you had a discussion with her regarding WHY she believes in co sleeping? I mean, what is the problem? You get 1-2 hours after bedtime, you get sex regularly (but in the shower?). she works FT, and is caring, involved mother.

Can you ask yourself how things would change (in your mind) if she stops co sleeping? What is the difference? You get tucked into bed vs your kid- I say that tongue in cheek but you need to make sure that if you are asking her how to change this big part of your sons routine that you aren't imagining some outlandish expectations for your evenings together. In addition, as a working FT mother- co sleeping is a way I can connect with my kid during the 10-12 hours I am away. and vice versa. At 28 months, he now babbles about his day in the dark and we talk about the next day (what going to happen). He will hold my hand as he falls asleep or ask for cuddles. I wouldn't change it for the world and my DH doesn't begrudge me because he gets time to read the news and watch Bill Maher- something I wouldn't do with him if I wasn't putting our son to bed.

[Anonymous]

^^^^continuing from above, he still sometimes wakes up at night to come into our bed but more likely, one of us goes into his bedroom and puts him back to sleep. We've had trouble with A/C in the new house so its been more frequent but most nights he sleeps through or wakes at 500/530 and then comes into our bed until 7/8. IF he does wake at 2-3, one of us goes in there and usually ends up falling asleep.

[Anonymous]

Igh I'm sorry. I'm a DW and I made it clear from the second I got pregnant our bed would remain child free (and pet free). Im a HUGE believer in strong marriage, happy family. I was a nanny for 15 years before having kids. I worked for 4 families over that span and 2 families that coslept had a very strained marriage, one of them is now divorced. My daughter sleeps 6:45p-7:30a and knowing I have that time with DH or to myself does wonders for my mental health.

Can you put the shared mattress in the master then have DW move from mattress to bed with you and kid on the mattress then mattress back to kids room by himself? A slow weaning process?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Igh I'm sorry. I'm a DW and I made it clear from the second I got pregnant our bed would remain child free (and pet free). Im a HUGE believer in strong marriage, happy family. I was a nanny for 15 years before having kids. I worked for 4 families over that span and 2 families that coslept had a very strained marriage, one of them is now divorced. My daughter sleeps 6:45p-7:30a and knowing I have that time with DH or to myself does wonders for my mental health.

Can you put the shared mattress in the master then have DW move from mattress to bed with you and kid on the mattress then mattress back to kids room by himself? A slow weaning process?

I highly doubt cosleeping was a cause of a strained marriage. That is ridiculous. People can still spend time with and have sex with their spouse without sleeping in the same bed with them. They probably had many issues. Also, you seem to have a good sleeper. Not everyone does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Igh I'm sorry. I'm a DW and I made it clear from the second I got pregnant our bed would remain child free (and pet free). Im a HUGE believer in strong marriage, happy family. I was a nanny for 15 years before having kids. I worked for 4 families over that span and 2 families that coslept had a very strained marriage, one of them is now divorced. My daughter sleeps 6:45p-7:30a and knowing I have that time with DH or to myself does wonders for my mental health.

Can you put the shared mattress in the master then have DW move from mattress to bed with you and kid on the mattress then mattress back to kids room by himself? A slow weaning process?

Yeah, this is my super crunchy, Hippie Boomer mom's opinion. Breastfeed til 3? Hells yeah! Cloth diaper, all organic, free to be you and me nature kids, great! The line is drawn on co-sleeping. "In my day, we called that co-dependency."

I never bought the "family bed" concept for a minute. Side car sleeper for a few months when they are itty bitty, but by sleep training age, it's time to learn to cope. The person with a 6 year old in the bed? That's not "a bad sleeper" that's a parenting choice. I was going to sleepaway camps alone at that age, not unable to sleep if not in the parental bed. That's abnormal and there is no doubt it impacts your marriage in a negative way. Cut the cord.