DW cosleeping with DS.

[Anonymous]

My DW has been co sleeping with our 13 month old son since he was about 3 months old. They have a very close bond and she’s a fantastic mother.

But I miss my wife. I miss having evenings with her. Often times she or I will put him down in and then she goes to bed about an hour or two later. If we’re intimate, it’s only in the shower. I’d like to have another child one day and she’s intent on continuing to co sleep with BOTH kids. She child proofed the bedroom and bought a king sized bed and it’s on the floor with a frame that’s low to the ground. Our son had a custom Montessori floor bed in his room.

I tried to put our son down in his room alone last night and he went down just fine. He woke after about two hours crying and could not be consoled by me. It’s very clear my DW is the preferred parent and she was very distressed at the idea of not sleeping next to our DS.

Im concerned my wife and son are almost too attached to eachother. My wife is into the whole gamet: slings, wraps, Montessori preschools and attachment parenting. I’m not sure I buy into all of it but I play along. I just wish they could sleep apart for ONE night.

[Anonymous]

Time to move your child to own room.

Tell your wife you need the privacy and she needs to be a better healthier parent.

You can still bond plenty. But your relationship with your wife needs privacy and your child needs a separate room.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, I've seen this story before. Mommy puts the kid first, husband is secondary except to donate sperm for the next one. Resentment builds. She gets fat. You cheat. You may or may not divorce in about 8 years.

[Anonymous]

You miss your wife. Focus in strengthening your relationship with her and with your son without seeming to attack what the have. leave the cosleeping alone for now.

[Anonymous]

Is this a cultural or nursing issue?

[Anonymous]

Have you read at all about attachment parenting? There's no such thing as being "too attached". Rather than playing along, you and your wife need to talk about a shared parenting style that you both believe in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, I've seen this story before. Mommy puts the kid first, husband is secondary except to donate sperm for the next one. Resentment builds. She gets fat. You cheat. You may or may not divorce in about 8 years.

Wow, way to project all your own issues.

Here's another one:

I've seen this story before. Daddy leaves all the hard work to Mommy, and shows up only to micromanage and criticize Mommy's choices. He also whines incessantly about not getting enough sex and his wife not being as fit as she once was, and yet is unwilling to do enough of the work to allow her any time for self-care.

He wants to have another kid, and is stunned when his wife says no. He doesn't know that she's saving money for a divorce lawyer.

How do you like that story?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, I've seen this story before. Mommy puts the kid first, husband is secondary except to donate sperm for the next one. Resentment builds. She gets fat. You cheat. You may or may not divorce in about 8 years.

Lol. I co-slept with our first until she was 2 and only then did I stop because we had a newborn. It was much more traumatic for 1st DC to be weaned from cosleeping due to a new sibling, so I fully admit to effing that up. I learned from that and sleep trained both DC around the same time. I had so much energy from all of the sleep I was finally getting that I was doing yoga in the morning, pilates in the afternoon and peloton at night. I was so fit it got kind of nuts and I had to dial it back.

Pretty sure my DH cheated but that's because that's the kind of person he is, not because of the mother I was at the time and certainly not because of my weight or this perception that all moms of that ilk let themselves go. Whatever, why am I trying to enlighten a misogynist?

[Anonymous]

If she is on the attachment parent train you are screwed. My sister was all about this, as were two of her close friends, and they coslept until middle school when the kids finally got really upset. It was crazy town and now, 15 years later, all three couples are divorced and the moms are still over the top. Have a conversation but if she’s insistent, good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If she is on the attachment parent train you are screwed. My sister was all about this, as were two of her close friends, and they coslept until middle school when the kids finally got really upset. It was crazy town and now, 15 years later, all three couples are divorced and the moms are still over the top. Have a conversation but if she’s insistent, good luck.

oooookay. I don't know any attachment parents who co slept until middle school, but I guess your sister and her friends are special crazy? It's not typical of either attachment parents or cosleeping families.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Time to move your child to own room.

Tell your wife you need the privacy and she needs to be a better healthier parent.

You can still bond plenty. But your relationship with your wife needs privacy and your child needs a separate room.

+1. Did you not discuss this at any point prior to having the child? I guess better late than never but you should have asserted yourself much earlier in the process. You've got an uphill battle now.

[Anonymous]

1) There is no "ONE night." That's not how kids work.

2) Do some research. You're starting to feel like this might not be the best parenting philosphy/system (not sure what the right term is) for your family. That's a very reasonable hesitation. Well, what do you think would work better? Start with google. Talk to some friends who you think might have some wisdom on this. Read some books on other philosophies. See if anything resonates. Your wife doesn't just get to dictate how you two will parent. But you also don't just get to step in and veto. If not this, then what? It's not your wife's job to come up with an alternative - you present one. Or a few options.

3) You need to stop with "playing along." That is not a marriage. You need to start being open with your wife that you have doubts about this parenting philosophy/system, and express those doubts. Then listen to her - what does she like about attachment parenting and/or cosleeping? Why is this the way she wants to go? Talk to her about some other options (per #2) that you think might be a better fit. Listen to her concerns. If you are willing to do your part and you both can communicate well, I bet you can find a path that will work for your family.

4) Once you agree on the path for your family, assuming it's different from where you are now (who knows? with research and discussion you might come to agree with her, though it's unlikely to be exactly where you are now) you both work TOGETHER to start moving towards what you want. You gotta do your half of the planning and the implementation.

I do agree with previous posters that you are on a very bad path right now, but you're only 13 months in to this parenting thing - totally understandable, and plenty of time for a course correction.

[Anonymous]

Have you talked to her about how co-sleeping is not working for you?

[Anonymous]

OP, you cannot change sleeping arrangements just for one night for a 13 mo. old who is used to attachment parenting. You have to either cut the chord or live with it. The back/forth change in sleeping habits won't work.

I think you will need a heart to heart with your wife. It's not going to get resolved after one discussion, I can tell you that. Maybe you need marriage counseling.

DH and I sometimes have disagreements over parenting style, but we generally agreed on the sleeping arrangements.

[Anonymous]

You need to slowly transition him back into his room. Two hours is great, then three, then longer. It will happen if you are consistent. You need to spend more time alone with him and not under your wife.