Former ILs Mistreating New Wife
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Anonymous
| Don’t get involved. You are going to sound super condescending. Why did you and XDH get divorced? |
Anonymous
I mostly agree with this, but I would want the new wife to know you have nothing to do with any bad behavior (ie, you're not the source of it). I don't know how you do that- just continue being gracious and kind when you see her, or say something nice about the baby or whatever). But mostly it has nothing to do with you at all. |
Anonymous
No, there was no cheating involved. He was just uninterested in living the good life. No, seriously. There was no life in him, he didn't want to do anything other than work a job he was overqualified for and watch football. Never really bothered with the kids. I got tired of constantly encouraging him. Frankly, he started to bore me to death 
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Anonymous
| Stay out of it! |
Anonymous
I don't understand why I am in it in the first place. Why do these people keep bringing me up? |
Anonymous
Who knows? Who cares? Not your business. |
Anonymous
| Posters are being weird. I would feel bad too, OP, because you don't want to become a source of conflict! If you are on speaking terms with your ex, I would ask him directly whether the kids are reporting accurately, and if so, to please do something about it. |
Anonymous
They are making it my business. They are talking about me in front of my kids and other people. They are making other people uncomfortable. It's rude and obnoxious. |
Anonymous
If you say anything you are basically outing your kids as having spilled the beans on private conversations to you, who was not in attendance. Is that what you want? And frankly, you can't be sure what's going on because you aren't there. Maybe your kids are trying to make you feel better and telling you what they think you want to hear - that the new woman isn't being accepted and they wish it were you. Don't get involved. Tell your kids to be inclusive, and your ex and his new wife can handle the rest. |
Anonymous
New poster. See the bold above, OP. You know your own kids and we don't, so if you know they are reporting accurately, believe them. I would not tell your ex or anyone in that family that your kids told you all these things; you don't want that to rebound onto the kids and make them clam up on other issues in the future. I'd be sure to recognize the new baby (small gifts via your kids, encouraging your kids to interact with the baby, etc.) and encourage your own kids to be kind and attentive to DH's wife. Don't focus at all on how the relatives bring you up around her. You cannot control that and you cannot say you know it's happening unless you want to "out" your kids as telling you what they observe. Think about this -- if ex's family were not bringing YOU up to compare to her, they would find something else to say to distance and hurt her; it's not really about you as much as it is about their using something, anything, as a barrier between them and her. You can't insert yourself into that dynamic -- but you can be as supportive of her and the baby as the whole odd situation allows. That sounds mostly like being very encouraging of a positive relationship between her and your kids. If you and your ex are cordial you could risk asking him blandly if his wife is doing OK since the baby came, etc. |
Anonymous
| At some point, she'll figure it out and stop attending. He needs to stick up for her or stop attending as well. Send a baby gift. |
Anonymous
Why do you care? I smell a rat... |
Anonymous
What a ridiculous, outlandish thing to say. You sound like you have a lot of mistrust within your family, as well as you, yourself. Don't project that negativity onto the OP -- most family's don't lie, scheme and manipulate one another. |
Anonymous
And I smell someone who's insecure & paranoid. 
OP, while I agree that it sucks for the new wife & I'd feel badly too, the main problem is that your ex is allowing it to happen and not sticking up for his new wife to his family. If he's allowing it, then she has much bigger issues than them speaking positively about you. |
Anonymous
Then tell them it is not your business, she treats the kids well and that's all you care about. |