Reply to Former ILs Mistreating New Wife

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This is your ex’s issue. It’s nice that you are concerned for her, but there is nothing you can/should do, other than model for your kids what nature/healthy relationships look like.[/quote]

Mature, not nature[/quote]

I mostly agree with this, but [b]I would want the new wife to know you have nothing to do with any bad behavior (ie, you're not the source of it).  I don't know how you do that-  just continue being gracious and kind when you see her, or say something nice about the baby or whatever). [/b] But mostly it has nothing to do with you at all.  [/quote]

New poster. See the bold above, OP. You know your own kids and we don't, so if you know they are reporting accurately, believe them. I would not tell your ex or anyone in that family that your kids told you all these things; you don't want that to rebound onto the kids and make them clam up on other issues in the future. I'd be sure to recognize the new baby (small gifts via your kids, encouraging your kids to interact with the baby, etc.) and encourage your own kids to be kind and attentive to DH's wife.

Don't focus at all on how the relatives bring you up around her. You cannot control that and you cannot say you know it's happening unless you want to "out" your kids as telling you what they observe. Think about this -- if ex's family were not bringing YOU up to compare to her, they would find something else to say to distance and hurt her; it's not really about you as much as it is about their using something, anything, as a barrier between them and her. You can't insert yourself into that dynamic -- but you can be as supportive of her and the baby as the whole odd situation allows. That sounds mostly like being very encouraging of a positive relationship between her and your kids.

If you and your ex are cordial you could risk asking him blandly if his wife is doing OK since the baby came, etc. [/quote]

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