Former ILs Mistreating New Wife

[Anonymous]

I have been divorced from my exDH for almost 10 years now. I have never been close with his side of the family, we are just too different but I always made sure the kids communicated with their grandparents, visited them regularly, send pictures, Christmas cards, were invited to bar mizvahs, etc. I want to say we had a cordial relationship.

Fast forward, exDH remarried, she seems like a nice woman, alas much younger than him, but for whatever reason, his entire family just snubs her. They had a baby, almost no one sent gifts. My kids told me that at family gatherings they [ILs] don't acknowledge her. In fact, whenever ILs are around her, they keep bringing ME up.They ask my kids questions about me. What I am doing, where I am working, what my new husband does, where we went on vacation.

I don't know why. I am remarried, he's a good husband, a good stepfather, why are you bringing me up in front of this young woman who has done nothing to me or I to her?

Why are they doing this? Do I say something to them? It is just so awkward...

[Anonymous]

I would reach out to her. I would call her (since you can't get together these days) and say "I just wanted you to know the kids have told me what your inlaws are doing at family gatherings. It's not you - it's them. I'm sorry. It's not right."

The only thing that will help is if the inlaws hear you speaking positively about the new wife. Probably multiple times.

[Anonymous]

This is your ex’s issue. It’s nice that you are concerned for her, but there is nothing you can/should do, other than model for your kids what nature/healthy relationships look like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is your ex’s issue. It’s nice that you are concerned for her, but there is nothing you can/should do, other than model for your kids what nature/healthy relationships look like.

Mature, not nature

[Anonymous]

OP - you being emotionally involved in this doesn't help. Stop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is your ex’s issue. It’s nice that you are concerned for her, but there is nothing you can/should do, other than model for your kids what nature/healthy relationships look like.

+1. This sucks but isn’t your problem to fix. Maybe they have legitimate reasons they don’t like her. Stay out of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have been divorced from my exDH for almost 10 years now. I have never been close with his side of the family, we are just too different but I always made sure the kids communicated with their grandparents, visited them regularly, send pictures, Christmas cards, were invited to bar mizvahs, etc. I want to say we had a cordial relationship.

Fast forward, exDH remarried, she seems like a nice woman, alas much younger than him, but for whatever reason, his entire family just snubs her. They had a baby, almost no one sent gifts. My kids told me that at family gatherings they [ILs] don't acknowledge her. In fact, whenever ILs are around her, they keep bringing ME up.They ask my kids questions about me. What I am doing, where I am working, what my new husband does, where we went on vacation.

I don't know why. I am remarried, he's a good husband, a good stepfather, why are you bringing me up in front of this young woman who has done nothing to me or I to her?

Why are they doing this? Do I say something to them? It is just so awkward...

Are you the same religion as your ex? And is the new wife from a different religious background?

[Anonymous]

Make sure you instruct your kids to be kind. Have them bring a gift for the baby, their sibling. Other than that, since your don’t have a close relationship with the ex ILs, it’s not your place to talk to them.

[Anonymous]

OP, from the title, I thought that they were mistreating YOUR new wife....Get it! This is none of your business.

Why would you insert yourself in your ex business and potentially cause harm to the relationship between your kids and their grandparents.

Your ex is a grown man, please allow him to handle his business as he sees fit.

[Anonymous]

None.Of.Your.Business.

Also your kids may well be lying and everyone adores this woman, including them but they feel guilty about it so have made up this quite ridiculous story for you.

You're welcome.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have been divorced from my exDH for almost 10 years now. I have never been close with his side of the family, we are just too different but I always made sure the kids communicated with their grandparents, visited them regularly, send pictures, Christmas cards, were invited to bar mizvahs, etc. I want to say we had a cordial relationship.

Fast forward, exDH remarried, she seems like a nice woman, alas much younger than him, but for whatever reason, his entire family just snubs her. They had a baby, almost no one sent gifts. My kids told me that at family gatherings they [ILs] don't acknowledge her. In fact, whenever ILs are around her, they keep bringing ME up.They ask my kids questions about me. What I am doing, where I am working, what my new husband does, where we went on vacation.

I don't know why. I am remarried, he's a good husband, a good stepfather, why are you bringing me up in front of this young woman who has done nothing to me or I to her?

Why are they doing this? Do I say something to them? It is just so awkward...

Are you the same religion as your ex? And is the new wife from a different religious background?

I am Jewish, he is an Irish Catholic. She is a Catholic too, but not Irish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:None.Of.Your.Business.

Also your kids may well be lying and everyone adores this woman, including them but they feel guilty about it so have made up this quite ridiculous story for you.

You're welcome.

Well, my kids don't lie and no, not everyone adores that woman. I heard the same things out of former BIL and SIL' mouths too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Make sure you instruct your kids to be kind. Have them bring a gift for the baby, their sibling. Other than that, since your don’t have a close relationship with the ex ILs, it’s not your place to talk to them.

That's the thing: my kids were the only ones who brought gifts for their new sibling. Nothing from FIL/MIL/BIL/SIL. I don't get it.

[Anonymous]

To a limited extent, it's completely normal and should be expected that ILs would ask the children about their own Mother. It is asking them about their life. You are hugely important to their life. It's showing interest in their life. And, maybe, they have some love for you. Let's hope so. That's how families should be, whether the marriage lasts or not.

[Anonymous]

Did your relationship end because your ex cheated or did something else that was spectacularly stupid? They might just be taking it out on her instead of him... or they might just think she's a golddigger or some other stereotypical new younger wife cliche.