Did your family members become more vocally racist after Trump?

[Anonymous]

Yes, my family has become vocally intolerant of LGBTQ, minorities and immigrants. I do blame Trumpism for it. We weren't raised this way. My parents protested in support of Civil Rights and there was no negative or identifying talk of race or sexual orientation in our home growing up. We have family members who are white, black, bi racial, hispanic and east Asian. If you asked my siblings, they'd say "I'm not bigoted, look at my family!". But they totally are. All I can do is keep my mouth shut, excepting those times when the bigotry is blatant. Then I call it out. They refer to me as a "snowflake".

[Anonymous]

Yes, my family has become much more vocally racist. It was always there, but is now out in the open.
My FIL, who dh says never once used the n-word all his life, now refers to certain people of color he doesn't like with the n-word.

I'm a librarian and have also been dealing with this at work much more as well. Recently had a library user who was harassing a female staff member--defended the harassment by saying it was ok for the president to do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So basically, you expect your adopted family to change in order to make you happy, just like you expect your adopted country to change in order to make you happy.

And you wonder why people oppose mass immigration? You wonder why you got Trump?

So you’re saying it’s cool to be racist?

[Anonymous]

Not my family, but people in general have become more anti-white male since Trump got elected.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a minority who married into a white family. DH has always told me his parents were mildly racist, but they have never directed their racism towards me in any intentionally hurtful way. They would often say things here and there that were more ignorant or fearful of other cultures, like they would just call other cultures or foreign customs or movies or anything "weird". Overall, they knew better to show their racism to my face.

But in the last couple years or so, they have been bringing up more and more racially charged discussions - in my presence. Basically ranting agains the blacks, or other minorities who are acting poorly, or being responsible for being poor and lazy instead of more hard-working. Or some other incident where someone got in trouble for saying something against the minorities. Or ranting against immigrants, the chinese, or mexican. It's like they forgot I'm a minority, or they no longer care, or they feel more justified for their views now.

I feel it's because of the Trump culture. Has anyone else had this happen in their families?

What is your minority background? Is your background possibly from an Asian country?

I think that some white people have heard about racism in countries like China, Korea, and Japan and so they assume that anyone with an Asian background must therefore also be racist so it is okay to say the kinds of things you mention when they are with people who have Asian backgrounds. Does this make sense at all for your situation with your in laws?

[Anonymous]

My ILs are super-conservative racists and I don't feel like they've gotten more vocal, but they always kept their opinions in check around me and I only see them every couple of years. So it's possible they're more vocal around people they see all the time, but I haven't witnessed it.

My sister, quite frankly, went crazy. We no longer speak to her. She has dug in her heels, gone all in on Trump's rhetoric, and has aggressively pushed her politics on everyone she knows. There's a reason she's alone on holidays.

[Anonymous]

I think their views/rhetoric is affected more by their main source of media coverage (assuming it's FoxNews) as opposed Trump's behavior itself, although of course it's qualitatively the same thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a minority who married into a white family. DH has always told me his parents were mildly racist, but they have never directed their racism towards me in any intentionally hurtful way. They would often say things here and there that were more ignorant or fearful of other cultures, like they would just call other cultures or foreign customs or movies or anything "weird". Overall, they knew better to show their racism to my face.

But in the last couple years or so, they have been bringing up more and more racially charged discussions - in my presence. Basically ranting agains the blacks, or other minorities who are acting poorly, or being responsible for being poor and lazy instead of more hard-working. Or some other incident where someone got in trouble for saying something against the minorities. Or ranting against immigrants, the chinese, or mexican. It's like they forgot I'm a minority, or they no longer care, or they feel more justified for their views now.

I feel it's because of the Trump culture. Has anyone else had this happen in their families?

What is your minority background? Is your background possibly from an Asian country?

I think that some white people have heard about racism in countries like China, Korea, and Japan and so they assume that anyone with an Asian background must therefore also be racist so it is okay to say the kinds of things you mention when they are with people who have Asian backgrounds. Does this make sense at all for your situation with your in laws?

Yes, asian background. I don't think my in-laws are bad people - it's just the culture they grew up around, the racism was just part of it. It's hard to come out of that on the other side without feeling like you are rejecting a part of your identity.

At the same time, it's hard to listen to without some sort of gut emotional reaction and frustration at the lack of understanding. I've at times tried to talk things through with them, to challenge certain myths, and try to keep it at an intellectual level of discussion. But I don't always trust myself to stay emotionally detached from the discussion, and the things they say really get to me sometimes. And I feel compelled to just go off on them - but never have.

Another point, that might seem unrelated, but I think is relevant - they both have never read fiction. Avid non-fiction readers, but they've never read fiction. I feel that it's very difficult to develop any empathy or understanding for people in different situations and backgrounds without ever having read any fiction.

[Anonymous]

My relatives in Pennsylvania have always been openly racist. The election of Trump validates their entire world view. Yes, more vocal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So basically, you expect your adopted family to change in order to make you happy, just like you expect your adopted country to change in order to make you happy.

And you wonder why people oppose mass immigration? You wonder why you got Trump?

So, now expecting your in-laws not to complain about “those n*ggers” in front of their black DIL and black grandchildren is expecting them to change? Wow, just wow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a minority who married into a white family. DH has always told me his parents were mildly racist, but they have never directed their racism towards me in any intentionally hurtful way. They would often say things here and there that were more ignorant or fearful of other cultures, like they would just call other cultures or foreign customs or movies or anything "weird". Overall, they knew better to show their racism to my face.

But in the last couple years or so, they have been bringing up more and more racially charged discussions - in my presence. Basically ranting agains the blacks, or other minorities who are acting poorly, or being responsible for being poor and lazy instead of more hard-working. Or some other incident where someone got in trouble for saying something against the minorities. Or ranting against immigrants, the chinese, or mexican. It's like they forgot I'm a minority, or they no longer care, or they feel more justified for their views now.

I feel it's because of the Trump culture. Has anyone else had this happen in their families?

Maybe your in-laws aren’t “racist” as you want to believe but they simply dislike people who are lazy or not hardworking or who are “acting poorly”. That sounds pretty normal to me. It’s actually on you if you think that describes black people. I don’t believe that someone racist would support Obama.

And I’m not sure why you seem so insistent on believing that you’re in some big pot called “minority” and it’s you all against “the others”. Your in-laws accept you and treat you well and don’t put you in a pot with everyone else who isn’t a white American. It sounds like you’re the one trying to make everything about race.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a minority who married into a white family. DH has always told me his parents were mildly racist, but they have never directed their racism towards me in any intentionally hurtful way. They would often say things here and there that were more ignorant or fearful of other cultures, like they would just call other cultures or foreign customs or movies or anything "weird". Overall, they knew better to show their racism to my face.

But in the last couple years or so, they have been bringing up more and more racially charged discussions - in my presence. Basically ranting agains the blacks, or other minorities who are acting poorly, or being responsible for being poor and lazy instead of more hard-working. Or some other incident where someone got in trouble for saying something against the minorities. Or ranting against immigrants, the chinese, or mexican. It's like they forgot I'm a minority, or they no longer care, or they feel more justified for their views now.

I feel it's because of the Trump culture. Has anyone else had this happen in their families?

Maybe your in-laws aren’t “racist” as you want to believe but they simply dislike people who are lazy or not hardworking or who are “acting poorly”. That sounds pretty normal to me. It’s actually on you if you think that describes black people. I don’t believe that someone racist would support Obama.

And I’m not sure why you seem so insistent on believing that you’re in some big pot called “minority” and it’s you all against “the others”. Your in-laws accept you and treat you well and don’t put you in a pot with everyone else who isn’t a white American. It sounds like you’re the one trying to make everything about race.

Wow where do I start... The only ones who have brought up race as an issue are my in-laws. In-laws have specifically talked about the blacks - that they have no one else to blame but themselves for them being poor. That they believe their issue lies in the fact that they have no positive role models to speak of. They also mistakenly believe that most poor people are black. When in fact, there are more white people in this country who live below the poverty line. They talk about their disgust of (specifically) black athletes who have no respect for the opportunity they've been granted and act "too black" instead of taking on the demeanor of other white athletes.

And yes I identify as a minority, because I am, and that is my experience. And that experience, as much as you would like to believe is the same as yours, differs because of the simple fact I am a minority.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My relatives in Pennsylvania have always been openly racist. The election of Trump validates their entire world view. Yes, more vocal.

+1. It's just one aunt/uncle/cousin, thank God, but yes they are even more vocal. But they've been obnoxious and racist forever. We don't see them often, not even holidays.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a minority who married into a white family. DH has always told me his parents were mildly racist, but they have never directed their racism towards me in any intentionally hurtful way. They would often say things here and there that were more ignorant or fearful of other cultures, like they would just call other cultures or foreign customs or movies or anything "weird". Overall, they knew better to show their racism to my face.

But in the last couple years or so, they have been bringing up more and more racially charged discussions - in my presence. Basically ranting agains the blacks, or other minorities who are acting poorly, or being responsible for being poor and lazy instead of more hard-working. Or some other incident where someone got in trouble for saying something against the minorities. Or ranting against immigrants, the chinese, or mexican. It's like they forgot I'm a minority, or they no longer care, or they feel more justified for their views now.

I feel it's because of the Trump culture. Has anyone else had this happen in their families?

Maybe your in-laws aren’t “racist” as you want to believe but they simply dislike people who are lazy or not hardworking or who are “acting poorly”. That sounds pretty normal to me. It’s actually on you if you think that describes black people. I don’t believe that someone racist would support Obama.

And I’m not sure why you seem so insistent on believing that you’re in some big pot called “minority” and it’s you all against “the others”. Your in-laws accept you and treat you well and don’t put you in a pot with everyone else who isn’t a white American. It sounds like you’re the one trying to make everything about race.

Where does OP state anything like that about black people? She doesn't mention her in-laws supporting Obama. Where did you get that? Also, being a minority is not dependent on how racist or not racist your in-laws are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So basically, you expect your adopted family to change in order to make you happy, just like you expect your adopted country to change in order to make you happy.

And you wonder why people oppose mass immigration? You wonder why you got Trump?

That was fast.

I was actually thinking it was slow. Must have been in the bathroom!