Neighbor girl comes over everyday to play, every day

[Anonymous]

Her mom is a teacher but not currently working. Her dad was working from home but i think recently got a job working out of the home. The girl mentioned that she's been going to after school care the last couple of weeks, which I don't understand at all because her parents are home. I don't know if she's not wanted at home. I just feel like her parents can't say no to her? I've noticed that they never check in on her. My two girls and this girl have wandered down the street when they have been playing at the girl's house and I've noticed and have brought all three girls back. They just have no concern for her. She seems to be loved, clean. I don't see any hesitation or fear in the girl's personality. I just wish the parent would just "get it" on their own. I've even been limiting her time at my house to 30 minutes and then send her home but no one seems to be getting the hint.
Then I start thinking maybe she's not happy at home and this won't last forever and we're having a positive impact on her life or something. But we can also have a positive impact on her life only playing 2-3 days a week haha.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have 2 girls, 6 and 9. Little girl next door is 6. She is literally over at my house everyday. Her parents don't ask. Girl just comes over as soon as my kids get off the bus (she goes to private school and is home before my kids). Sometimes I'll tell her my kids need some time to eat a snack and maybe they can play later. The girl will then just sit on my front porch and wait till snack time is over so she can come in my house. Parents never come over to take her home. This has been going on for almost a year. I've definitely mentioned to the girl that we can't have play dates everyday. Doesn't help. I occasionally tell her no when she comes to the door. She then starts crying and will just stand on my front porch and she'll eventually leave. A year ago, I mentioned to the mom that I don't like play dates everyday and I was struggling to find a balance between play dates and down time or family time. She really didn't have a response at the time. I didn't want to strictly set rules like only certain days a week at certain times. I guess I just wish that the parents would step up and limit the time she comes over to my house. She's kinda like an only child. She has a 16 year old sister that lives at home. She's not a bad kid but I want my girls to have their own time together. To continue to bond as sisters. I want family time. It's to the point that I'm constantly looking out the window to see if their car is home because I know it means she'll be knocking on my door soon.

My girls rarely go to their house. Maybe a couple times a month. I asked my girls what they do at the girls house. They told me the parents usually tell them to play outside. My girls are energetic so I understand ?

I'm thinking about telling the girl that we can only play 2 days a week. Any random 2 days a week. They can be different days each week. Is this a fair idea? I don't know why this is so complicated for me. I just believe that you shouldn't do anything excessively and this is excessive.

Just say two days a week, but OP, pick the days. It will be easier for the little girl if you pick the days. She can then ask her mom "is it Tuesday today?"

[Anonymous]

30 minutes is not enough for kids to get immersed in play. Why can’t they play outside for a couple of hours if you don’t want her in the house?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:30 minutes is not enough for kids to get immersed in play. Why can’t they play outside for a couple of hours if you don’t want her in the house?

It's too hot and humid and lots of mosquitos. Also the girl doesn't like to play outside. My kids do and will likely do it more once it's cooler out and I'll make a point to say they can't play inside on those days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have a neighbor girl that cane over every day at that age. She’s 9 now and it is much less frequent. If it wasn’t convenient I would just say in a very friendly voice “it’s nkt a good time now so you’ll have to go home. But we’ll see you again another day! Some kids take longer to learn those social rules.
I really would not discourage it that much. There will come a day when you might be thrilled to have that kind of easy relationship. Girls relationships get tough starting around 3rd/4th grade and a neighbor that goes to a different school can be so helpful. I also don’t see why having the girl over is going to decrease the bonding between your own girls, but maybe I’m just obtuse on that one.

I would try to get to know the parents better, though. On our street, all the adults know each other pretty well and we’re all borrowing bandaids and sugar and such. I would also be concerned about the crying on your stoop. That’s the only part of your post that strikes me as off.

You bring up a good point about having friends that don't go to the same school can be beneficial especially if my girls are having a hard time socially at their own school.

As for my girls bonding...when the other girl is over then it's an odd number and both my girls fight for her attention and someone gets left out, usually my youngest. My girls would play better together if it was just the two of them.

[Anonymous]

I feel sorry for this little girl. Obviously she does not like being at home for some reason, OP.

You sound selfish. Glad you don't live near me.

[Anonymous]

I have a friend who uses a flag system. She hangs a flag out when kids are welcome to drop in. If the flag is not out, then please don't come by.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel sorry for this little girl. Obviously she does not like being at home for some reason, OP.

You sound selfish. Glad you don't live near me.

This child needs daily after school care. Its not selfish to limit it to twice a week. Parents need to pay for care.

[Anonymous]

Tell the mom to text you before the kid comes over, to find out whether it’s a good time or not. The burden of dealing with her disappointment should fall on her mom, not on you. Be more direct with the mom. You can say you’re happy to host her sometimes but not to have her show up at your door unannounced.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel sorry for this little girl. Obviously she does not like being at home for some reason, OP.

You sound selfish. Glad you don't live near me.

Seriously? So OP has to provide childcare for this girl every single day? No. Just, no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to talk to the parents, it might take more than one time. It is their responsibility to communicate to her that she is not to come over everyday.

This. Probably the sister is watching her after school and sending her over. She's lonely and needs someone to care for her. Be firm with the parents and tell them that you need a 24 hour notice and no more than 1-2 times a week except in an emergency. Your kids have home, activities and need family time.

24 hour notice? She shouldn't be going every day but 24 hour notice? Come on now.

This is the DC Metro. Parents want to micro manage their kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell the mom to text you before the kid comes over, to find out whether it’s a good time or not. The burden of dealing with her disappointment should fall on her mom, not on you. Be more direct with the mom. You can say you’re happy to host her sometimes but not to have her show up at your door unannounced.

So now we text before playing outside? Why can’t the OP’s kids say they don’t want to play. Why aren’t the kids all handling this. Or is it just the OP with the problem?

My kids all play outside, go to friends, bike to the park, meet up with others, knock on doors, and kids knock on ours. I don’t handle any of that. This is where we are crippling our kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:30 minutes is not enough for kids to get immersed in play. Why can’t they play outside for a couple of hours if you don’t want her in the house?

It's too hot and humid and lots of mosquitos. Also the girl doesn't like to play outside. My kids do and will likely do it more once it's cooler out and I'll make a point to say they can't play inside on those days.

What the heck? Hot and humid? Mosquitos? LOL

[Anonymous]

Stop being a pushover. Just tell the girl no and send her home. If she just sits on your porch and cries go out and make sure she goes home. You are too wish-washy with her. You say maybe later, so she stays on your porch. Starting this week you need to say no and mean it. Literally say, "no, you can't come over today or tomorrow, we are busy". If you want tell her she can come on Thursday or another day you can tell her that but spell it out.

[Anonymous]

The easy way is to keep the get togethers to outside play ONLY. When you allow this girl inside, does she tell her mother where she is? If not, this mother is way too free range for me.