Stuck between Mom & Wife Planning

[vtbigdog]

Anonymous wrote:Okay now I don't understand your and your wife's thinking. This is an annual tradition, yes? So why do you expect your mom to check with you when she could very well assume that you're all coming anyway.

Your wife, on the other hand, may not like this level of ambiguity and invited a friend b/c this is her passive aggressive way of dealing with it.

Sounds like you resent it too and want more concrete planning leading up to the event.

You all have your communications issues. I'd start with your wife and find out why she planned the weekend without checking with you first. Regardless of what else is going on, this is not ok. I'd also be clear with your mom regarding expectations. But your biggest issue right now is your wife.

My wife basically said "well you don't always want to come to my parents lake house", so I figured it would be OK. Total BS in my opinion.

So I texted them both and said you guys make plans. I am done.

[Anonymous]

vtbigdog wrote:

Anonymous wrote:tell your mom that all of you can't make it because they already have plans but that you can be there if she wants. and to next time give you more of a heads up. The 29th is a Thursday, so why couldn't his bday acknowledgement happen the previous weekend (is THIS weekend).

Also, sorry dude, but you seem to be acting the victim here. You're a victim of your wife, your mother, and your golden boy brother. Come on. Your dad's bday doesn't change, you said yourself you guys typically go to visit. So why didn't YOU make plans, block off that weekend, ask mom when you should come to celebrate? And if you feel the way you do about your brother, why haven't you talked to your parents about how their treatment makes you feel? Sounds to me you expected your wife to make the plans and want to blame her for not remembering or prioritizing your father's birthday (which is in the middle of the week, not a weekend this year). Nope. It's YOUR job to prioritize it.

We normally go to my parents for this weekend for a least dinner. My wife made plans without checking with me. I would have red flagged it before. I mentioned it was the weekend we normally go to my parents house.

It is like if I made plans on my wife's mother's birthday or the 4th. Kind of givens that we are doing those things.

Ok guy. So really, you’re just mad at your wife. Got it. Even though your father’s birthday falls between two weekends. Even though you didn’t proactively check with your mother about when this would take place since it all hinges upon the golden boy brother apparently. Even though you feel like there’s a golden boy brother in the picture and don’t do anything about that. Maybe your wife doesn’t like your family? Maybe when she’s there she feels like a servant in daycare worker and not a guestMaybe she’s annoyed that you constantly assume she knows what you’re thinking and what you want and expect. Maybe she wants to spend time with her friend which involves a playmate for your child which, as a mother myself, is kind of a big deal. Built-in entertainment and memory-making for your kid. But, by all means, pin it on her and continue to avoid any responsibility for making plans with your own parents.

[Anonymous]

You can't throw this on your wife and monther.
It is YOUR responsibility to adult and act like one.
It is YOUR job to have spoken to your mom months ago by calling and asking "hey dad's birthday falls on a Thursday this year, Laral and i are wondering when the celebration is planed".

Then talking to Larla and stating "Mom is planning Dad's birthday celebration on teh 31st, does that work for us?"

See, you actually ask and communicate with the women in your life.
Your just mad your wife has an escape plan and didn't include you in it.

[Anonymous]

vtbigdog wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I would say screw it and go fishing in another 100s of miles away. You have the answer right there.

If it was not for the kids, I would be packing up my rods and reels.

Since the kids are going with your wife, it seems like the perfect time to go fishing, enjoy your weekend.

[vtbigdog]

Anonymous wrote:You can't throw this on your wife and monther.
It is YOUR responsibility to adult and act like one.
It is YOUR job to have spoken to your mom months ago by calling and asking "hey dad's birthday falls on a Thursday this year, Laral and i are wondering when the celebration is planed".

Then talking to Larla and stating "Mom is planning Dad's birthday celebration on teh 31st, does that work for us?"

See, you actually ask and communicate with the women in your life.
Your just mad your wife has an escape plan and didn't include you in it.

How am I not acting like an adult? My wife made plans without talking to me about it. My mom assumed plans without asking me. I would have said we need to chose another weekend. So if I make plans on her mom's birthday without checking with her, she should start acting like an adult? I communicated but they made assumptions.

Do you know how may times I want an escape plan, but out of courtesy and being a good partner I do stuff with her crazy family?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can't throw this on your wife and monther.
It is YOUR responsibility to adult and act like one.
It is YOUR job to have spoken to your mom months ago by calling and asking "hey dad's birthday falls on a Thursday this year, Laral and i are wondering when the celebration is planed".

Then talking to Larla and stating "Mom is planning Dad's birthday celebration on teh 31st, does that work for us?"

See, you actually ask and communicate with the women in your life.
Your just mad your wife has an escape plan and didn't include you in it.

OP, if you did to me what you said you did above (txting mom and wife and told them to work it out) I would absolutely not go to your father's birthday. I'd say "sorry Jim didn't work out the scheduling with you earlier. I have already invited a friend and her son to my parents. Jim can drive over for a birthday celebration himself or we can come another weekend." F u Jim.

[vtbigdog]

Anonymous wrote:

vtbigdog wrote:

Anonymous wrote:tell your mom that all of you can't make it because they already have plans but that you can be there if she wants. and to next time give you more of a heads up. The 29th is a Thursday, so why couldn't his bday acknowledgement happen the previous weekend (is THIS weekend).

Also, sorry dude, but you seem to be acting the victim here. You're a victim of your wife, your mother, and your golden boy brother. Come on. Your dad's bday doesn't change, you said yourself you guys typically go to visit. So why didn't YOU make plans, block off that weekend, ask mom when you should come to celebrate? And if you feel the way you do about your brother, why haven't you talked to your parents about how their treatment makes you feel? Sounds to me you expected your wife to make the plans and want to blame her for not remembering or prioritizing your father's birthday (which is in the middle of the week, not a weekend this year). Nope. It's YOUR job to prioritize it.

We normally go to my parents for this weekend for a least dinner. My wife made plans without checking with me. I would have red flagged it before. I mentioned it was the weekend we normally go to my parents house.

It is like if I made plans on my wife's mother's birthday or the 4th. Kind of givens that we are doing those things.

Ok guy. So really, you’re just mad at your wife. Got it. Even though your father’s birthday falls between two weekends. Even though you didn’t proactively check with your mother about when this would take place since it all hinges upon the golden boy brother apparently. Even though you feel like there’s a golden boy brother in the picture and don’t do anything about that. Maybe your wife doesn’t like your family? Maybe when she’s there she feels like a servant in daycare worker and not a guestMaybe she’s annoyed that you constantly assume she knows what you’re thinking and what you want and expect. Maybe she wants to spend time with her friend which involves a playmate for your child which, as a mother myself, is kind of a big deal. Built-in entertainment and memory-making for your kid. But, by all means, pin it on her and continue to avoid any responsibility for making plans with your own parents.

My wife's mom's birthday automatically falls between 2 birthdays, but I do not automatically make plans without asking her. It is called common courtesy. I am actually around just as much for my kids as my wife and switched jobs to be there more and cook several nights a week.

In regrad to childcare, maye you are reflecting your own relationship?

[vtbigdog]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can't throw this on your wife and monther.
It is YOUR responsibility to adult and act like one.
It is YOUR job to have spoken to your mom months ago by calling and asking "hey dad's birthday falls on a Thursday this year, Laral and i are wondering when the celebration is planed".

Then talking to Larla and stating "Mom is planning Dad's birthday celebration on teh 31st, does that work for us?"

See, you actually ask and communicate with the women in your life.
Your just mad your wife has an escape plan and didn't include you in it.

OP, if you did to me what you said you did above (txting mom and wife and told them to work it out) I would absolutely not go to your father's birthday. I'd say "sorry Jim didn't work out the scheduling with you earlier. I have already invited a friend and her son to my parents. Jim can drive over for a birthday celebration himself or we can come another weekend." F u Jim.

So the fact that she made plans without checking is totally cool? So I can take the kids to my families for the day without consulting her or making plans. I guess I can say FU to all her family events too where her mom gets crazy and she is walking around annoyed.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry, but you ALL know the day of your father's birthday, and if you've always visited on the exact day or thereabouts, it's a given that you need to keep that week or weekend open.

Your wife was rude. She should at least have consulted you about this. Tell her this.

Your parents should also talk to you about the birthday a few weeks prior out of common courtesy. Tell them this.

I suggest you give them all a piece of your mind, and go fishing

[Anonymous]

vtbigdog wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can't throw this on your wife and monther.
It is YOUR responsibility to adult and act like one.
It is YOUR job to have spoken to your mom months ago by calling and asking "hey dad's birthday falls on a Thursday this year, Laral and i are wondering when the celebration is planed".

Then talking to Larla and stating "Mom is planning Dad's birthday celebration on teh 31st, does that work for us?"

See, you actually ask and communicate with the women in your life.
Your just mad your wife has an escape plan and didn't include you in it.

How am I not acting like an adult? My wife made plans without talking to me about it. My mom assumed plans without asking me. I would have said we need to chose another weekend. So if I make plans on her mom's birthday without checking with her, she should start acting like an adult? I communicated but they made assumptions.

Do you know how may times I want an escape plan, but out of courtesy and being a good partner I do stuff with her crazy family?

Nope. How would we know that? Anyway, your wife should just say that she already made plans with a friend that she is going to honor. Done. You do you, OP. If that means you going fishing on your own, good for you. Your mother sounds like a presumptive pill and I'm guessing your wife is sick of her.

[Anonymous]

vtbigdog wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can't throw this on your wife and monther.
It is YOUR responsibility to adult and act like one.
It is YOUR job to have spoken to your mom months ago by calling and asking "hey dad's birthday falls on a Thursday this year, Laral and i are wondering when the celebration is planed".

Then talking to Larla and stating "Mom is planning Dad's birthday celebration on teh 31st, does that work for us?"

See, you actually ask and communicate with the women in your life.
Your just mad your wife has an escape plan and didn't include you in it.

OP, if you did to me what you said you did above (txting mom and wife and told them to work it out) I would absolutely not go to your father's birthday. I'd say "sorry Jim didn't work out the scheduling with you earlier. I have already invited a friend and her son to my parents. Jim can drive over for a birthday celebration himself or we can come another weekend." F u Jim.

So the fact that she made plans without checking is totally cool? So I can take the kids to my families for the day without consulting her or making plans. I guess I can say FU to all her family events too where her mom gets crazy and she is walking around annoyed.

Just get divorced already! You clearly hate your wife. And I'm guessing she's not terribly fond of you. That happens when a husband leaves his wife to do all the planning. The mental load sucks. And birthdays for adults, unless it's some big birthday are pretty silly and not really sacred.

[Anonymous]

vtbigdog wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can't throw this on your wife and monther.
It is YOUR responsibility to adult and act like one.
It is YOUR job to have spoken to your mom months ago by calling and asking "hey dad's birthday falls on a Thursday this year, Laral and i are wondering when the celebration is planed".

Then talking to Larla and stating "Mom is planning Dad's birthday celebration on teh 31st, does that work for us?"

See, you actually ask and communicate with the women in your life.
Your just mad your wife has an escape plan and didn't include you in it.

OP, if you did to me what you said you did above (txting mom and wife and told them to work it out) I would absolutely not go to your father's birthday. I'd say "sorry Jim didn't work out the scheduling with you earlier. I have already invited a friend and her son to my parents. Jim can drive over for a birthday celebration himself or we can come another weekend." F u Jim.

So the fact that she made plans without checking is totally cool? So I can take the kids to my families for the day without consulting her or making plans. I guess I can say FU to all her family events too where her mom gets crazy and she is walking around annoyed.

Snort. I'm sure you make plans for the kids on your own ALL THE TIME. I'm sure you don't. Cause then you wouldn't have your wife making all the plans, planning all the meals, etc.

[Anonymous]

Why are you all celebrating adult birthdays so inflexibly? It’s a day. That’s all. A totally random day.

I have never understood the insistence some families place on this.

[Anonymous]

vtbigdog wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Okay now I don't understand your and your wife's thinking. This is an annual tradition, yes? So why do you expect your mom to check with you when she could very well assume that you're all coming anyway.

Your wife, on the other hand, may not like this level of ambiguity and invited a friend b/c this is her passive aggressive way of dealing with it.

Sounds like you resent it too and want more concrete planning leading up to the event.

You all have your communications issues. I'd start with your wife and find out why she planned the weekend without checking with you first. Regardless of what else is going on, this is not ok. I'd also be clear with your mom regarding expectations. But your biggest issue right now is your wife.

My wife basically said "well you don't always want to come to my parents lake house", so I figured it would be OK. Total BS in my opinion.

So I texted them both and said you guys make plans. I am done.

Your wife already made plans! I would completely ignore this text if my husband made this dick move.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

vtbigdog wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Okay now I don't understand your and your wife's thinking. This is an annual tradition, yes? So why do you expect your mom to check with you when she could very well assume that you're all coming anyway.

Your wife, on the other hand, may not like this level of ambiguity and invited a friend b/c this is her passive aggressive way of dealing with it.

Sounds like you resent it too and want more concrete planning leading up to the event.

You all have your communications issues. I'd start with your wife and find out why she planned the weekend without checking with you first. Regardless of what else is going on, this is not ok. I'd also be clear with your mom regarding expectations. But your biggest issue right now is your wife.

My wife basically said "well you don't always want to come to my parents lake house", so I figured it would be OK. Total BS in my opinion.

So I texted them both and said you guys make plans. I am done.

Your wife already made plans! I would completely ignore this text if my husband made this dick move.

x1000 delete