Stuck between Mom & Wife Planning

[Anonymous]

Spouses don't have to do every single thing together. Why is this an issue at all? You are married, not Siamese twins!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Spouses don't have to do every single thing together. Why is this an issue at all? You are married, not Siamese twins!

Its an issue because the wife got her an excuse not to attend and now he is stuck with mommy dearest.

[Anonymous]

Wife here and a planner. Your wife knows your Dad’s Birthday and that you celebrate it annually. She deliberately made plans so she didn’t have to go and is trying to control the kids as well with the friend’s son. I simply would tell her she didn’t clear the plans with you so you’ll be taking the kids on Sunday morning/mid-afternoon to their Grandpa’s and her friend’s kid will simply have to be entertained by his mother and your wife. She can explain to her friend what happened. Then, have a conversation with your wife about not making assumptions regarding your schedule or your kids and to check with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wife here and a planner. Your wife knows your Dad’s Birthday and that you celebrate it annually. She deliberately made plans so she didn’t have to go and is trying to control the kids as well with the friend’s son. I simply would tell her she didn’t clear the plans with you so you’ll be taking the kids on Sunday morning/mid-afternoon to their Grandpa’s and her friend’s kid will simply have to be entertained by his mother and your wife. She can explain to her friend what happened. Then, have a conversation with your wife about not making assumptions regarding your schedule or your kids and to check with you.

OR, the people who want this party every year can communicate with those who they want there (i would argue they already did that by talking to the golden brother about what he wants and when) to set up a date.

To block off 2 weekends in July/August for a grown man's birthday party because you don't know which weekend they will choose for a midweek birthday? Really???
This isn't his 75th or 80th or 90th once in a lifetime birthday. This is an annual party for a grown man thrown by his wife who has made it clear she does not respect OP or his family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wife here and a planner. Your wife knows your Dad’s Birthday and that you celebrate it annually. She deliberately made plans so she didn’t have to go and is trying to control the kids as well with the friend’s son. I simply would tell her she didn’t clear the plans with you so you’ll be taking the kids on Sunday morning/mid-afternoon to their Grandpa’s and her friend’s kid will simply have to be entertained by his mother and your wife. She can explain to her friend what happened. Then, have a conversation with your wife about not making assumptions regarding your schedule or your kids and to check with you.

OR, the people who want this party every year can communicate with those who they want there (i would argue they already did that by talking to the golden brother about what he wants and when) to set up a date.

To block off 2 weekends in July/August for a grown man's birthday party because you don't know which weekend they will choose for a midweek birthday? Really???
This isn't his 75th or 80th or 90th once in a lifetime birthday. This is an annual party for a grown man thrown by his wife who has made it clear she does not respect OP or his family.

I don’t see it that way at all. It’s an annual event. Wife could have asked DH or MIL why weekend the party would be on this year. Instead, she flat out ignored FIL’s annual party and made plans without consulting DH. The wife has no respect for FIL or her DH.

[Anonymous]

MIL has no respect for OP or his family. She could have communicated a date

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MIL has no respect for OP or his family. She could have communicated a date

Both of you are right. Neither respects OP. But his DW knew exactly what she was doing. She thinks her ILs are such aholes by making plans and telling her DH after the fact, so she...does the same thing to him. Winners all around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your problem is asking for help on a board of people who mostly favor the wife, always.

She was wrong to make plans without asking you, even if your yearly plans were not in play. She also knows you have annual plans, so she did this on purpose. Find out why she acted that way. Was she trying to make a point to your parents about them not formally extending an invitation? Was she making a point to you about not wanting to go? Without that information everything else is just noise.

Also, stop going to her family's so much if you don't want to. She can go herself, just like you can go yourself to your parents'.

She didn’t commit him to anything. She is fully entitled to make plans for herself. And the kid. If husband wants kid to come with him instead they can discuss.

[Anonymous]

It seems that OPs parents don't like to keep him in the loop and actively exclude him from celebrations.
Not knowing the DW, it is tough to say if she is just passive/aggressive or didn't realize that there was a party given no details or invite a mere week before said party?

OP is playing the victim instead of acknowledging his role in both how his mom and subsequently DW treats him.

[Anonymous]

Why does your wife have to go to your fathers birthday? It’s not her family.

Dh does this shit all the time. He won’t make plans with his family and then come home and say “I talked to my parents and we’re leaving tonight” and expect me to drop everything and help pack. It’s inattentive ADD. Plan events 6+ weeks in advance and talk to your family. You’re doing a shitty job of coordinating with your family OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why does your wife have to go to your fathers birthday? It’s not her family.

Dh does this shit all the time. He won’t make plans with his family and then come home and say “I talked to my parents and we’re leaving tonight” and expect me to drop everything and help pack. It’s inattentive ADD. Plan events 6+ weeks in advance and talk to your family. You’re doing a shitty job of coordinating with your family OP

I disagree with you pp. When you marry you marry the family too. Would you say your parents are not part of your husband's family? Probably not.

[Anonymous]

If it was really important to you, you would have told your wife way in advance that you wanted to see your parents again this year for your fathers birthday. Since your father’s birthday falls between two weekends, I don’t know how you would decide which weekend to keep free though, especially since your mother doesn’t give you much notice. Sounds like your mom doesn’t actually care if you come. So why worry about this? Do whatever you want and let your wife and kid enjoy their weekend with the friend.

[Anonymous]

If you had said "we always visit my family the last weekend in July but DW made plans" fine. That is on her.
But to come here and whine that you celebrate your dad's birthday sometime around the 29th but you never really know when because your mom never really tells you and expect your DW to just block off several weekends in the hopes your mom will eventually invite you guys and tell you the date? No way.

So, either have a standing weekend with your parents (whether it works for brother or not) and go visit with or without your brother or know that without better communication and solid plans your DW and kids will likely find something fun to do and that just needs to be OK.

No way would I expect my DH to block off weekends 'just in case' my family wants to invite us to a celebration they only seem to care if my sibling goes to. You have a narc family and victim mentality OP. Regular people INVITE others well in advance and don't demand and expect weekends be kept open to be notified at a moments notice someone expects you to visit them.

[Anonymous]

What did you end up doing OP?

[Anonymous]

OP, update!