Acquaintance said something hateful

[Anonymous]

What kind of group are we talking about?

[Anonymous]

Maybe look into meetups with people you may feel comfortable? E.g. If someone I was just getting to be friends with made a rude comment about fags, I might back away from the friend group slowly and start looking for queer oriented meetup groups or organizations. I find it easiest to make like-minded friends through activities personally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand the question.

How do you react when an acquaintance tells you she wishes people in a group you belong to would just kill themselves? Especially when you're desperate for friends and she runs the group. Not complicated.

No, it's not. How is this even a question??
Spoiler alert: You leave the damn group and look for friends elsewhere.
Tip: provide context next time. This is utterly bizarre for someone to say, and context would help.

I didn't want to start a debate, but fine. It was along the lines of "I wish Jews/Christians/Muslims/Democrats/Republicans/Midwesterners/feds/whatever would just kill themselves". I belong to the group in the group. She does not know (so yeah, it's not race).

And yes, I'm that desperate for friends. I'm so lonely it's killing me.

I guess I would have said something. I probably would have said it semi-jokingly but I would have said it. Hey, wait, I'm Jewish/Christian/Muslim/Democrat/Republican/fed/whatever. Surely you don't mean me do you? or an incredulous I beg your pardon!?! always works. Then sit back and wait to see what happens. You don't need a friend who is a fool or a bully, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand the question.

How do you react when an acquaintance tells you she wishes people in a group you belong to would just kill themselves? Especially when you're desperate for friends and she runs the group. Not complicated.

No, it's not. How is this even a question??
Spoiler alert: You leave the damn group and look for friends elsewhere.
Tip: provide context next time. This is utterly bizarre for someone to say, and context would help.

I didn't want to start a debate, but fine. It was along the lines of "I wish Jews/Christians/Muslims/Democrats/Republicans/Midwesterners/feds/whatever would just kill themselves". I belong to the group in the group. She does not know (so yeah, it's not race).

And yes, I'm that desperate for friends. I'm so lonely it's killing me.

Does she have any potential to be a decent person (ie: ignorant vs evil)?

I'm honestly not sure yet. I suppose that would make a difference.

It would make a difference because a basically decent person would stand down if you told them they'd said something offensive. A decent person would want to correct their mistake. An evil person won't change and will only bring you down. Maybe give the person the benefit of the doubt and allow yourself more time to understand her nature.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand the question.

How do you react when an acquaintance tells you she wishes people in a group you belong to would just kill themselves? Especially when you're desperate for friends and she runs the group. Not complicated.

No, it's not. How is this even a question??
Spoiler alert: You leave the damn group and look for friends elsewhere.
Tip: provide context next time. This is utterly bizarre for someone to say, and context would help.

I didn't want to start a debate, but fine. It was along the lines of "I wish Jews/Christians/Muslims/Democrats/Republicans/Midwesterners/feds/whatever would just kill themselves". I belong to the group in the group. She does not know (so yeah, it's not race).

And yes, I'm that desperate for friends. I'm so lonely it's killing me.

She said "you people." So it seems she does know.
The normal reaction might be "what the hell Karen? Who says that?"
Let her squirm. She's the wrong one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand the question.

How do you react when an acquaintance tells you she wishes people in a group you belong to would just kill themselves? Especially when you're desperate for friends and she runs the group. Not complicated.

No, it's not. How is this even a question??
Spoiler alert: You leave the damn group and look for friends elsewhere.
Tip: provide context next time. This is utterly bizarre for someone to say, and context would help.

I didn't want to start a debate, but fine. It was along the lines of "I wish Jews/Christians/Muslims/Democrats/Republicans/Midwesterners/feds/whatever would just kill themselves". I belong to the group in the group. She does not know (so yeah, it's not race).

And yes, I'm that desperate for friends. I'm so lonely it's killing me.

I'm sorry you're lonely, OP, that sounds horrible. But I think your best bet is to start looking for some new friends. You don't have to drop these people, just start branching out and start including new people in your circle. However, now that I think of it, there may be other people in this group who would not want you to leave because of this statement and who themselves may not be happy about the statement. In that case, it would only be fair to say something to the group so people have a chance to decide whether they want to reach out to you or not. But I can understand if you don't feel able to do that.

And this is a good reminder to me that sometimes we make jokes thinking that everyone shares our views and there are people listening in silence who feel excluded.

[Anonymous]

How odd. Is the group otherwise inclined to threaten to kill themselves or others (Suicidal people, drug users, alcoholics who DUI, etc)? That would make it insensitive, but understandable if she was impacted by a loved one's choices.

Anyway, from your standpoint, you can kind of write her off for now and continue to get to know others in the group. Maybe you will connect with some of them, or maybe now. I wouldn't assume that a group of adult women are all controlled by one person, no matter how strong her personality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How odd. Is the group otherwise inclined to threaten to kill themselves or others (Suicidal people, drug users, alcoholics who DUI, etc)? That would make it insensitive, but understandable if she was impacted by a loved one's choices.

Anyway, from your standpoint, you can kind of write her off for now and continue to get to know others in the group. Maybe you will connect with some of them, or maybe now. I wouldn't assume that a group of adult women are all controlled by one person, no matter how strong her personality.

Dp. You just described my family/ controlling sister.

[Anonymous]

Was this said about an immutable trait like race/ethnicity, or a personal choice like political views? While it’s an awful judgmental/hostile thing to say either way, the former is bigotry while the latter just isn’t, and I would treat the two differently.

[Anonymous]

My guess is OP is Republican.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand the question.

How do you react when an acquaintance tells you she wishes people in a group you belong to would just kill themselves? Especially when you're desperate for friends and she runs the group. Not complicated.

Wait. Is she part of the group who she said something hateful about?

She is not.

-op

I would rather have no friends than try to be friends with someone like that.

[Anonymous]

She said it about Muslims or Jews or something? Or democrats? Just running though the possible options of what she may have said...

[Anonymous]

This is the kind of thing that you need to speak up about immediately when it happens - nip it in the bud.

Also, how old are you? You mentioned that she was the "Queen Bee" and I feel like I'm reading the script from Mean Girls.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She said it about Muslims or Jews or something? Or democrats? Just running though the possible options of what she may have said...

Maybe Anti-Vaxxers? There's a reason OP didn't tell us. If it was a religious group or skin color she would just say so and people would be pretty universally saying F That B, so I think it's something more unsympathetic.

[Anonymous]

Regardless of what group she was talking to, she sounds like a middle schooler bully. I’d try finding other friends while also feeling out the other members of the group to see if there are others like you.