Acquaintance said something hateful

[Anonymous]

I think it’s hilarious that typical DCUM it had to be racist

[Anonymous]

I am Dem who greatly dislikes Trump defenders but I would never wish any of them to die, publicly or privately. (Not saying that is what the group is.)

I’m sorry this happened to you OP, and if no one in the group called her out, it’s probably not the group for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Was this said about an immutable trait like race/ethnicity, or a personal choice like political views? While it’s an awful judgmental/hostile thing to say either way, the former is bigotry while the latter just isn’t, and I would treat the two differently.

I wouldn't. I mean, sure, maybe she's just a hateful person and not a racist, but who cares? Someone who says something like that is not someone I want to be friends with. Period.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Again, I intentionally left out the group - but it seems like you all think Republicans and anti-vaxxers should kill themselves, which is interesting. Depressing (and I'm not either), but interesting. I'm in therapy for severe depression, and I was mostly curious if this is how society is these days, you know? I'm conflicted between protecting my own life (yes, tell a very depressed person to kill themselves and you never know what will happen) and being so lonely I'll be friends with anyone.

Wait, what?

I will say that there is a difference between a comment to the effect of wishing that a group that you think does something that puts others in danger would be the ones to suffer the harm and not others (I can imagine a comment like that about firearms, or vaccines, for example) and just openly stating that you think everyone belonging to a certain group should commit suicide. The fact that you are so grossly misreading this thread makes me wonder if you heard the comment right, or if you are putting your own spin on it and projecting your own issues on it.

That said, being friends with anyone, even people who despise you, or who are hateful people, isn't really having friends, you know? It's not going to make you feel better to spend time with people who make you feel bad about yourself. Plus, it will suck up time that you could be spending doing things that are helpful--cultivating hobbies, looking for other groups to join, etc.

[Anonymous]

OP you are too sensitive for this group.

[Anonymous]

OP- I have been desperate for friends due to moving around for my DHs job. What I have learned is once "acquaintances" show their real selves and you don't like/mesh with that person, it will never get better. You will feel worse when you are around them. Find new people. How? Take some kind of class or volunteer for something. It may take some time, but someone who makes statements like that is not a healthy person for you to be around.

[Anonymous]

If you're an anti-vaxxer you need to become friends with similar people. Otherwise you'll probably always hear someone say something negative about your beliefs from time to time.

[Anonymous]

Who wants to hang around with anyone who would use an expression like that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP- I have been desperate for friends due to moving around for my DHs job. What I have learned is once "acquaintances" show their real selves and you don't like/mesh with that person, it will never get better. You will feel worse when you are around them. Find new people. How? Take some kind of class or volunteer for something. It may take some time, but someone who makes statements like that is not a healthy person for you to be around.

+1

[Anonymous]

Op, I know you're very lonely, but it might be even lonelier being around people who you can never be yourself with and who you know despise you.

[Anonymous]

What was her inflection?
Was she kidding??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, this particular discussion forum (DCUM) is unsympathetic to both conservatives and people who believe in vaccine choice. It's based in DC and so not much independent thought is going on here.

I think you mean
“It’s based in DC so people here follow politics and understand what the Republican Party is really all about.”

I’ve lived all over the US and I think DC is the place with the most diverse and well-informed views on a variety of topics.

[Anonymous]

OP, did she say it because you’re a Trump supporter?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who wants to hang around with anyone who would use an expression like that?

This. I cannot fathom thinking something like that about ANY group, let alone saying it, and I’d not be interested in friendship with anyone who would.

I’m sorry, OP, that you’re feeling conflicted about remaining friends with this woman. I’d keep my distance. But short of that, if I were in a situation where it would be difficult to avoid someone or speak up (like with my boss who has anger issues), I’d try to prepare myself for all encounters with that person. You know what kind of person they are (they’ve shown you), you remind yourself that how they behave has everything to do with them/their issues and nothing to do with you, and you let their words/behavior roll off your back to the degree possible. Don’t dwell on people who suck; they don’t deserve that much of your time or energy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, this particular discussion forum (DCUM) is unsympathetic to both conservatives and people who believe in vaccine choice. It's based in DC and so not much independent thought is going on here.

I think you mean
“It’s based in DC so people here follow politics and understand what the Republican Party is really all about.”

I’ve lived all over the US and I think DC is the place with the most diverse and well-informed views on a variety of topics.

Agreed. If someone is passionate about a candidate or elected official it’s because they actually know and understand their stance on issues vs hearing sound bites on Fox News.