Acquaintance said something hateful

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not sure you're going to get what you came here for OP. This thread is going sideways since it's now going to be all speculation that you're a Republican and whether that's OK to diss or not.

Hope you at least got some kernels of assistance here.

it's okay to diss.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not sure you're going to get what you came here for OP. This thread is going sideways since it's now going to be all speculation that you're a Republican and whether that's OK to diss or not.

Hope you at least got some kernels of assistance here.

The answer to OP is pretty simple, right? The queen bee is not going to be her kind of friend. The others in the group might be, but ultimately OP needs to keep trying to meet people through meetups, volunteering, hobby classes, etc. in case they aren't. There isn't much to talk about here, so we speculate instead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not sure you're going to get what you came here for OP. This thread is going sideways since it's now going to be all speculation that you're a Republican and whether that's OK to diss or not.

Hope you at least got some kernels of assistance here.

it's okay to diss.

Not when it's hijacking a person's thread who has admitted to being suicidal. Come on, have some decency.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Again, I intentionally left out the group - but it seems like you all think Republicans and anti-vaxxers should kill themselves, which is interesting. Depressing (and I'm not either), but interesting. I'm in therapy for severe depression, and I was mostly curious if this is how society is these days, you know? I'm conflicted between protecting my own life (yes, tell a very depressed person to kill themselves and you never know what will happen) and being so lonely I'll be friends with anyone.

Unless she actually said depressed people should kill themselves, you need to stop conflating her statement and your mental health issues because it’s very manipulative.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Again, I intentionally left out the group - but it seems like you all think Republicans and anti-vaxxers should kill themselves, which is interesting. Depressing (and I'm not either), but interesting. I'm in therapy for severe depression, and I was mostly curious if this is how society is these days, you know? I'm conflicted between protecting my own life (yes, tell a very depressed person to kill themselves and you never know what will happen) and being so lonely I'll be friends with anyone.

Unless she actually said depressed people should kill themselves, you need to stop conflating her statement and your mental health issues because it’s very manipulative.

Wait, what? She said X people should kill themselves, and I'm being manipulative by being upset about hearing it? I think its obvious I'm taking it harder than a healthy person would.

-op

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Again, I intentionally left out the group - but it seems like you all think Republicans and anti-vaxxers should kill themselves, which is interesting. Depressing (and I'm not either), but interesting. I'm in therapy for severe depression, and I was mostly curious if this is how society is these days, you know? I'm conflicted between protecting my own life (yes, tell a very depressed person to kill themselves and you never know what will happen) and being so lonely I'll be friends with anyone.

Unless she actually said depressed people should kill themselves, you need to stop conflating her statement and your mental health issues because it’s very manipulative.

Wait, what? She said X people should kill themselves, and I'm being manipulative by being upset about hearing it? I think its obvious I'm taking it harder than a healthy person would.

-op

I’m not saying what she said isn’t problematic, nor am I saying it’s unreasonable that you’re taking it harder than an emotionally healthy person would. But that you were part of her audience when she presumably doesn’t know about your mental health issues doesn’t make her comment more egregious than it otherwise would be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Again, I intentionally left out the group - but it seems like you all think Republicans and anti-vaxxers should kill themselves, which is interesting. Depressing (and I'm not either), but interesting. I'm in therapy for severe depression, and I was mostly curious if this is how society is these days, you know? I'm conflicted between protecting my own life (yes, tell a very depressed person to kill themselves and you never know what will happen) and being so lonely I'll be friends with anyone.

Unless she actually said depressed people should kill themselves, you need to stop conflating her statement and your mental health issues because it’s very manipulative.

Wait, what? She said X people should kill themselves, and I'm being manipulative by being upset about hearing it? I think its obvious I'm taking it harder than a healthy person would.

-op

I’m not saying what she said isn’t problematic, nor am I saying it’s unreasonable that you’re taking it harder than an emotionally healthy person would. But that you were part of her audience when she presumably doesn’t know about your mental health issues doesn’t make her comment more egregious than it otherwise would be.

I didn't say it was. I posted that explain where I'm coming from.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Again, I intentionally left out the group - but it seems like you all think Republicans and anti-vaxxers should kill themselves, which is interesting. Depressing (and I'm not either), but interesting. I'm in therapy for severe depression, and I was mostly curious if this is how society is these days, you know? I'm conflicted between protecting my own life (yes, tell a very depressed person to kill themselves and you never know what will happen) and being so lonely I'll be friends with anyone.

Unless she actually said depressed people should kill themselves, you need to stop conflating her statement and your mental health issues because it’s very manipulative.

Wait, what? She said X people should kill themselves, and I'm being manipulative by being upset about hearing it? I think its obvious I'm taking it harder than a healthy person would.

-op

Not the PP, but think of this. Maybe try reacting like a healthy person would. What would a healthy person do in that situation? Some people have said, "what the hell?" Confront in the moment. Announce membership in the group. Etc. Or leave the group. It is sort of hard to discuss without knowing the group, because the context is really different in how you would respond. But without that, even something like, "you really think that's OK?" is sufficient. I think what the PP meant was the person who said it doesn't REALLY think you, the person sitting in front of her, should kill themselves, nor the "group." It's hyperbole. Your depression won't let you see that, so if that's the case, you need to be around people who don't make statements like that which can be triggering for you, or be ready to say, "that's unacceptable" or even "f&ck off" if it happens again. Otherwise, not sure what else you can get from a bunch of people who don't know you or the group you belong to.

[Anonymous]

I think what she actually said matters. There is a difference in my mind between “All people who like to garden should kill themselves,” where there’s no link between death and the group identified, and something like “Why can’t all of the assault rifle-loving nuts just kill themselves and leave the rest of us out of it.” The latter is callous and overbroad, but there is at least some connection to death, and it’s more of a “why can’t they just do it to themselves rather than other people.”

[Anonymous]

Op—without being there and hearing the context, it’s hard to know what to think, honestly.. my best guess is your depression is clouding you view and you may have taken a flippant comment more seriously than it deserved. Sometimes people say irrational things that they don’t actually mean.

[Anonymous]

OP, this particular discussion forum (DCUM) is unsympathetic to both conservatives and people who believe in vaccine choice. It's based in DC and so not much independent thought is going on here.

[Anonymous]

I think it is alcoholics or drug addicts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Again, I intentionally left out the group - but it seems like you all think Republicans and anti-vaxxers should kill themselves, which is interesting. Depressing (and I'm not either), but interesting. I'm in therapy for severe depression, and I was mostly curious if this is how society is these days, you know? I'm conflicted between protecting my own life (yes, tell a very depressed person to kill themselves and you never know what will happen) and being so lonely I'll be friends with anyone.

Nobody here thinks that, which makes me think you've taken a statement out of context and posted it here.

OP, there's a difference between people trying to guess which group you belong to and thinking that someone should kill themselves.

[Anonymous]

OP, let me envision a scenario for you:

You have two choices. 1) Choose to dissociate from her and possibly from the group or 2) choose to keep courting her friendship.

If you choose #1, it's an easy conclusion: that group will not be your friends. You're running the risk of having a difficult time with friends. On the plus side, you don't have to deal with someone who makes vile blanket statements. There's freedom in allowing yourself to be yourself.

If you choose #2, you'll be dancing on the head of a pin as you vie for the approbation of someone you don't like. You'll have friends and a social life, but will they be real friends? People you trust? What happens when the going gets tough?

I always think it's easier to be alone than to be with people who belittle you.

[Anonymous]

I don't care how desperate for friends you are. It's not worth having toxic "friends".