MIL is bitching about the way I host holidays

[Anonymous]

Why do you host? I enjoy cooking so I host many family gatherings. I'm certain if I catered alot of family members would rather do their own thing. If I don't have the bandwidth to cook, I don't host.

[Anonymous]

If MIL doesn't like how you do things, then tell her she can either host the meal herself or bring the traditional foods she insists on having. Or you can announce that any future meals will be potluck, you will provide the salad and beverages only.

Does she bitch to you directly about it?

She is a jerk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Out of curiosity, is it the food you serve or is there something else in the vein of tradition she's complaining about? For instance, are they a family that says grace before meals at holiday time? Do they serve a piece from a single egg at Easter? Do they follow a religion different from yours? Do they wear funny hats on the Fourth???

I can’t think of any tradition honestly.

Sorry I misspelled champagne!

To those who thinks my catered food is not good, if I cook it will be worse than any catered food you ever tried. Also I make a salad myself)

Last Christmas MIL made a huge deal because I don’t make homemade buns, so when I catered she requested not to order buns because she was going to make them. At the end she forgot to make them and we didn’t have buns at all. So this kind of thing happens constantly.

Ugh. That would drive me bonkers. However, maybe she just wants to feel included. I know that cooking together is a kind of bonding that has gone on in my family for generations before and after coming to the US. Maybe there is something simple you make with her? Maybe say something along the lines of "I'd like to start a tradition with you ...." It doesn't have to be cooking. Maybe its something she and the grandkids could do. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Out of curiosity, is it the food you serve or is there something else in the vein of tradition she's complaining about? For instance, are they a family that says grace before meals at holiday time? Do they serve a piece from a single egg at Easter? Do they follow a religion different from yours? Do they wear funny hats on the Fourth???

I can’t think of any tradition honestly.

Sorry I misspelled champagne!

To those who thinks my catered food is not good, if I cook it will be worse than any catered food you ever tried. Also I make a salad myself)

Last Christmas MIL made a huge deal because I don’t make homemade buns, so when I catered she requested not to order buns because she was going to make them. At the end she forgot to make them and we didn’t have buns at all. So this kind of thing happens constantly.

Ugh. That would drive me bonkers. However, maybe she just wants to feel included. I know that cooking together is a kind of bonding that has gone on in my family for generations before and after coming to the US. Maybe there is something simple you make with her? Maybe say something along the lines of "I'd like to start a tradition with you ...." It doesn't have to be cooking. Maybe its something she and the grandkids could do. Good luck.

Forgot to add an idea that may inspire you: when my great grandma got too old to help with meal prep, she and I would fold napkins when I was little.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Out of curiosity, is it the food you serve or is there something else in the vein of tradition she's complaining about? For instance, are they a family that says grace before meals at holiday time? Do they serve a piece from a single egg at Easter? Do they follow a religion different from yours? Do they wear funny hats on the Fourth???

I can’t think of any tradition honestly.

Sorry I misspelled champagne!

To those who thinks my catered food is not good, if I cook it will be worse than any catered food you ever tried. Also I make a salad myself)

Last Christmas MIL made a huge deal because I don’t make homemade buns, so when I catered she requested not to order buns because she was going to make them. At the end she forgot to make them and we didn’t have buns at all. So this kind of thing happens constantly.

Ugh. That would drive me bonkers. However, maybe she just wants to feel included. I know that cooking together is a kind of bonding that has gone on in my family for generations before and after coming to the US. Maybe there is something simple you make with her? Maybe say something along the lines of "I'd like to start a tradition with you ...." It doesn't have to be cooking. Maybe its something she and the grandkids could do. Good luck.

Forgot to add an idea that may inspire you: when my great grandma got too old to help with meal prep, she and I would fold napkins when I was little.

I think it is up to OP's DH and his mother to continue traditions if they are so important. OP doesn't need to herself, and it seems like MIL won't appreciate OP's participation in any case.

[Anonymous]

"Jan, I wanted to invite you to Easter dinner, which we'll have at 2 p.m. As you know, my family tradition is to have it catered. So if there's anything extra from your family traditions you'd like to bring, you're welcome to do so!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Out of curiosity, is it the food you serve or is there something else in the vein of tradition she's complaining about? For instance, are they a family that says grace before meals at holiday time? Do they serve a piece from a single egg at Easter? Do they follow a religion different from yours? Do they wear funny hats on the Fourth???

I can’t think of any tradition honestly.

Sorry I misspelled champagne!

To those who thinks my catered food is not good, if I cook it will be worse than any catered food you ever tried. Also I make a salad myself)

Last Christmas MIL made a huge deal because I don’t make homemade buns, so when I catered she requested not to order buns because she was going to make them. At the end she forgot to make them and we didn’t have buns at all. So this kind of thing happens constantly.

Ugh. That would drive me bonkers. However, maybe she just wants to feel included. I know that cooking together is a kind of bonding that has gone on in my family for generations before and after coming to the US. Maybe there is something simple you make with her? Maybe say something along the lines of "I'd like to start a tradition with you ...." It doesn't have to be cooking. Maybe its something she and the grandkids could do. Good luck.

Forgot to add an idea that may inspire you: when my great grandma got too old to help with meal prep, she and I would fold napkins when I was little.

I think it is up to OP's DH and his mother to continue traditions if they are so important. OP doesn't need to herself, and it seems like MIL won't appreciate OP's participation in any case.

Depends on whether OP wants to forge any bonds with her MIL. If OP reaches out and MIL firmly rejects, then so be it. DH can handle his mother.

People these days seem hell bent on drawing lines everywhere (your bank account, my bank account; your retirement funds, my retirement funds; your family, my family). The personal plural possessive adjective OURS almost seems anachronistic.

[Anonymous]

Ignore ignore ignore.

[Anonymous]

Why is it on you to do most of the planning/ordering/arranging?

Tell your husband that since his mom has dared to criticize your hosting, you're done hosting for his family. They are all welcome to come to X holiday, but you aren't doing anything.

If he doesn't want to do all the cleaning, he can hire cleaners. If he doesn't want to do all the cooking, he can delegate or order food. Etc., etc. Then, any and all further bitching can be squarely his problem.

If she says anything to you? "Well, Mary, since you had the audacity to criticize my hosting several times, I dropped the rope. If you have anything else to rudely complain about, you may speak to the son you raised."

[Anonymous]

If you cater every time, then that is your tradition. She can accept that or not eat. Regardless, it is your husbands job to put his mother in her place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Long story short I hate cooking. I work full time and most of the times I just cater everything, provide good shampagne etc. On holidays like 4th DH grills. We just hosted Easter brunch and Mother’s Day brunch and MIL was bitching entire time that I don’t follow traditions. My mom told me not to worry as she seems to be the type when DIL( myself included) not good enough in anything.

I guess just venting here.

I would HAVE to say something. "Catering is our tradition". Or, "Would you like to host the next party?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Shampagne? Sounds klassy.

The secret is a tablespoon of shampoo - makes it extra bubbly.

[Anonymous]

So, criticizing a host is never okay, and your DH needs to tell his mother to back off.

That being said, OP you have not clarified whether your MIL would prefer hosting/has offered to host. DCUM doesn't tend to agree with me on this, but for some people (like me) having home cooked meals on certain holidays is a critical part of the holiday. If you are insisting on hosting and catering instead of letting someone who really does want to do the cooking do it, it can detract from the holiday for them. Just a thought.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, criticizing a host is never okay, and your DH needs to tell his mother to back off.

That being said, OP you have not clarified whether your MIL would prefer hosting/has offered to host. DCUM doesn't tend to agree with me on this, but for some people (like me) having home cooked meals on certain holidays is a critical part of the holiday. If you are insisting on hosting and catering instead of letting someone who really does want to do the cooking do it, it can detract from the holiday for them. Just a thought.

MIL doesn’t want to host. Last year all the holidays were hosted by me. She likes our house better-it’s bigger, lighter, etc plus we have a huge backyard. They live in a patio home with no yard.

[Anonymous]

Another thing MIL loves to do is to invite one of her grandkids/our nephews from another state and then to say” I think he/she should stay at your house as it’s more fun”.