Thoughts on legal sex work

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's weird that he told you.

That would actually be the dealbreaker part for me because it just means that he's the type to get something off his chest even if it makes the other person feel uncomfortable. Sort of thoughtless because what did he expect your reaction to be, OP? And even if he regrets it (you didnt' really say if he told you that he did it but wish he hadn't?...or if he's just sort of braggy about it...? or if it was just one of those "I did this crazy thing in amsterdam one time" stories), he can't change it now, so what was the point?

+1. He may be testing the waters OP to see your reaction. If he thinks you’re ok with this, he might think it’s ok to cheat in the future. What is your relationship like otherwise? Are there any red flags so far? Does he have narcissistic tendencies? I hope you’ve insisted that he be tested before having sex and look at the results yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No big deal.

Except that it doesn't say much for his "dating" personality/skills when it comes to attracting women.

[Anonymous]

It totally sketches me out. I’m a fairly kinky and open minded man when it comes to sex, but I’ve never been comfortable with the idea of sex work. I really do think less of my buddies who admit to paying for sexual services.

For me, the uncomfortable nature is due to human trafficking. If it was regulated, taxed, and licensed I would maybe feel more comfort.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Deal breaker. It undermines human dignity.

What do you mean? It's not empowering for the woman who chooses this as a profession? Praytell what kind of anti-feminist are you???

DP. Even when prostitution is legal, there are terrible abuses that occur. It may empower a woman in the sense that it allows her to keep a roof over her/her kids’ heads, but it’s not true empowerment if she has no other viable options. Any man who shows such disregard for the well-being of women by contributing to an industry that abuses them is not worth my time. He’s garbage.

[Anonymous]

I would break up.

[Anonymous]

OP, my fiance has paid for sex in the past; he let me know this when we were dating. (I asked him directly, and he was truthful; otherwise, I doubt he would willingly disclose.) It didn't bother me then and doesn't bother me now. It was when he was living abroad (in India and Europe). If it truly makes you uncomfortable, then maybe you will need to consider it a dealbreaker, but I wasn't giving up an awesome guy for that!

(BTW...I just graduated from an MBA program and many many male classmates would pay for sex while traveling personally or with the program to EU, South America, SE Asia, etc. .... all that to say, this is more common than you think and I am sure many of the women saying it is a dealbreaker don't know their husbands have done it.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, my fiance has paid for sex in the past; he let me know this when we were dating. (I asked him directly, and he was truthful; otherwise, I doubt he would willingly disclose.) It didn't bother me then and doesn't bother me now. It was when he was living abroad (in India and Europe). If it truly makes you uncomfortable, then maybe you will need to consider it a dealbreaker, but I wasn't giving up an awesome guy for that!

(BTW...I just graduated from an MBA program and many many male classmates would pay for sex while traveling personally or with the program to EU, South America, SE Asia, etc. .... all that to say, this is more common than you think and I am sure many of the women saying it is a dealbreaker don't know their husbands have done it.)

Considering 15% of men have every paid for sex and only 1% have in the past year... I doubt many women don't know their H has done it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How would you feel if the person you are dating openly disclosed they paid for sex (legally in Europe)? You were not together when it happened.

He is an idiot.

For disclosing.

yeah this

but to be honest, if I found out some other way, I wouldn't care that much.

I think sex work should be legal anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, my fiance has paid for sex in the past; he let me know this when we were dating. (I asked him directly, and he was truthful; otherwise, I doubt he would willingly disclose.) It didn't bother me then and doesn't bother me now. It was when he was living abroad (in India and Europe). If it truly makes you uncomfortable, then maybe you will need to consider it a dealbreaker, but I wasn't giving up an awesome guy for that!

(BTW...I just graduated from an MBA program and many many male classmates would pay for sex while traveling personally or with the program to EU, South America, SE Asia, etc. .... all that to say, this is more common than you think and I am sure many of the women saying it is a dealbreaker don't know their husbands have done it.)

yes very common in finance world too.

[Anonymous]

A man paying for sex with a prostitute is equivalent to a woman seeking out a random dude at bar/hotel/conference for a one night stand encounter. They just want sex with a stranger and no strings attached. In other words, it is simply NSA sex.

The fact that most men will have NSA sex without payment (and most women would not... even WITH a payment!) is simply a consequence of men's 10 times higher sex drive. This biological libido gap does not make NSA sex any better or worse for a man to do it versus a woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Deal breaker. It undermines human dignity.

What do you mean? It's not empowering for the woman who chooses this as a profession? Praytell what kind of anti-feminist are you???

NP. It’s a choice that anyone should be able to make (to be a prostitute or use one), but it’s unsavory and not something to be celebrated. Feminism has nothing to do with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, my fiance has paid for sex in the past; he let me know this when we were dating. (I asked him directly, and he was truthful; otherwise, I doubt he would willingly disclose.) It didn't bother me then and doesn't bother me now. It was when he was living abroad (in India and Europe). If it truly makes you uncomfortable, then maybe you will need to consider it a dealbreaker, but I wasn't giving up an awesome guy for that!

(BTW...I just graduated from an MBA program and many many male classmates would pay for sex while traveling personally or with the program to EU, South America, SE Asia, etc. .... all that to say, this is more common than you think and I am sure many of the women saying it is a dealbreaker don't know their husbands have done it.)

I would say a majority of my friends who traveled to South America and SE Asia have been with prostitutes on at least a couple occasions. It is viewed much differently there. I bet lots of women posting here have husbands who have raw dogged some hookers. And horrible judgment by the guy for dismissing this info, what a BAFOON!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, my fiance has paid for sex in the past; he let me know this when we were dating. (I asked him directly, and he was truthful; otherwise, I doubt he would willingly disclose.) It didn't bother me then and doesn't bother me now. It was when he was living abroad (in India and Europe). If it truly makes you uncomfortable, then maybe you will need to consider it a dealbreaker, but I wasn't giving up an awesome guy for that!

(BTW...I just graduated from an MBA program and many many male classmates would pay for sex while traveling personally or with the program to EU, South America, SE Asia, etc. .... all that to say, this is more common than you think and I am sure many of the women saying it is a dealbreaker don't know their husbands have done it.)

I would say a majority of my friends who traveled to South America and SE Asia have been with prostitutes on at least a couple occasions. It is viewed much differently there. I bet lots of women posting here have husbands who have raw dogged some hookers. And horrible judgment by the guy for dismissing this info, what a BAFOON!

It's "viewed differently there?" Sure it is ....

I believe in legalizing sex work. It would be a deal-breaker for me if they went to a prostitute in a poor country where it was overwhelmingly likely to be exploitative, unless they were very young and regreted it. Legal sex work is still dicey - I wouldn't freak out about a trip to Amsterdam or Nevada as much, but I would expect him to understand the nuances and that despite appearances, the women wasn't actually having multiple orgasms ... it would bother me if he did not recognize that even legal sex workers can be exploited, and that it is a very dangerous and difficult job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, my fiance has paid for sex in the past; he let me know this when we were dating. (I asked him directly, and he was truthful; otherwise, I doubt he would willingly disclose.) It didn't bother me then and doesn't bother me now. It was when he was living abroad (in India and Europe). If it truly makes you uncomfortable, then maybe you will need to consider it a dealbreaker, but I wasn't giving up an awesome guy for that!

(BTW...I just graduated from an MBA program and many many male classmates would pay for sex while traveling personally or with the program to EU, South America, SE Asia, etc. .... all that to say, this is more common than you think and I am sure many of the women saying it is a dealbreaker don't know their husbands have done it.)

yes very common in finance world too.

Yes, I would say that men in finance and business tend to have a more transactional (and to my mind, entirely unpleasant and unsympathetic) view of the world, and thus have less of a problem with prostitution. I don’t think your dude is “awesome”, PP.

[Anonymous]

I think it's great that he told you this. I'd be more interested in how he is thinking about it now vs when it happened. Does he see any problem with what happened? If so, what?