Thoughts on legal sex work

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A man paying for sex with a prostitute is equivalent to a woman seeking out a random dude at bar/hotel/conference for a one night stand encounter. They just want sex with a stranger and no strings attached. In other words, it is simply NSA sex.

The fact that most men will have NSA sex without payment (and most women would not... even WITH a payment!) is simply a consequence of men's 10 times higher sex drive. This biological libido gap does not make NSA sex any better or worse for a man to do it versus a woman.

Exactly This!

Except the random dude at the bar isn't likely to have been abused and stripped of autonomy and choices for most of his life. If prostitution was safe and legal and regulated I would have less of a problem with it. But the reality is that if you aren't in Nevada or Amsterdam, you're likely contributing to human trafficking.

It's legal and regulated in many countires, including Germany and Australia, and most of eastern Europe. Also where it's not regulated, why do you assume everyone doing it is abused? It's a job like any other. Yes, the people do it because they want money, but isn't that the same with any job?

Probably there's more exploitation going on at the factory in Vietnam where your shirt was made than in the sex industry.

Whatever you have to say to sleep at night. It is well known that sex workers are a vulnerable and frequently abused population. I don't think EVERY worker is being abused, but I think you sure as hell can't tell the difference between them, and that getting a prostitute in Thailand is like buying a puppy from a puppy mill, maybe your puppy is fine, but the industry is abusive, exploitative, and dangerous.

Where were your clothes made? Did you vet the producers and factories? It is well known that textile workers are a vulnerable and frequently abused population. I don't think EVERY worker is being abused, but I think you sure as hell can't tell the difference between them, and that buying your clothes made in Vietnnam is like buying a puppy from a puppy mill, maybe your puppy is fine, but the industry is abusive, exploitative, and dangerous.

You're right. I try to shop responsibly but I am sure I make mistakes. But I TRY to shop responsibly. There ARE ethical clothing makers. It is difficult to shop for prostitutes responsibly. But I suppose if you ethically source your prostitutes than this isn't something you need to worry about.

[Anonymous]

To those who say it's just like any other type of service you buy from someone. Are you really honest with yourself? Would you be ok if your loved ones were selling this service then? I bet you would not be. Why is that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How would you feel if the person you are dating openly disclosed they paid for sex (legally in Europe)? You were not together when it happened.

I know a few male friends have gone to a prostitute once. Two of them said it was because they wanted to see if she'd be "much better in bed/know more things" and one was drunk and propositioned by a street walker. Interestingly enough the two who were curious said that sex was in no way better and one said the hooker was over the top with the porn star noises and "oh baby, you're soooo big" comments to the point where he had to ask her to stop because it was ruining it for him.

I guess for me a lot of how I'd feel would be based on their own reaction to what they did. Did he think it was great and was likely to do it again or did he regret it?

[Anonymous]

My single friend in his 30s pays women in college as a "sugarbaby" as he calls it. He finds them on a website where they post ads, and he usually pays them a monthly allowance and meets them one or twice a week. Most of the college girls he's met got to AU or GW. He never indicated that they seemed trafficked or exploited but who knows...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How would you feel if the person you are dating openly disclosed they paid for sex (legally in Europe)? You were not together when it happened.

He is an idiot.

For disclosing.

+1. Any man who doesn’t have the good sense to leave that one in the vault is probably undesirable for a host of reasons. Why on earth wouldn’t you just not mention that like a sensible person.

[Anonymous]

DH here: I know only one man who openly admitted to sleeping with prostitutes. That is a weird outlier phenomenon. I am sure that there are others who have ventured there but would never tell a soul. I suspect that many more have tried the handjob joint experience (I have not) but that seems to me a different and lesser kind of thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH here: I know only one man who openly admitted to sleeping with prostitutes. That is a weird outlier phenomenon. I am sure that there are others who have ventured there but would never tell a soul. I suspect that many more have tried the handjob joint experience (I have not) but that seems to me a different and lesser kind of thing.

Several of my male co-workers have gone the "happy ending" route and apparently most of these girls are actually full service they just want the option to back out if they customer is old and/or ugly enough.

[Anonymous]

Is it something he did and now thinks was OK? Or is it a past action he now regrets and wishes he had not done?
We all have actions in our past that we are not proud of and would love to redo. If that's the case, I would give him a pass. if his attitude is " What's the big deal?", I would take this as a bit of a warning about him - not necessarily a deal breaker, but a warning to look closely at what kind of a person he is. Guy here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To those who say it's just like any other type of service you buy from someone. Are you really honest with yourself? Would you be ok if your loved ones were selling this service then? I bet you would not be. Why is that?

Yep. Who grows up with the goal of becoming a prostitute? No one, ever. People from troubled backgrounds become sex workers.

I've never heard anyone on DCUM say, "I'd be fine with my daughter/son becoming a prostitute."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A man paying for sex with a prostitute is equivalent to a woman seeking out a random dude at bar/hotel/conference for a one night stand encounter. They just want sex with a stranger and no strings attached. In other words, it is simply NSA sex.

The fact that most men will have NSA sex without payment (and most women would not... even WITH a payment!) is simply a consequence of men's 10 times higher sex drive. This biological libido gap does not make NSA sex any better or worse for a man to do it versus a woman.

Exactly This!

Except the random dude at the bar isn't likely to have been abused and stripped of autonomy and choices for most of his life. If prostitution was safe and legal and regulated I would have less of a problem with it. But the reality is that if you aren't in Nevada or Amsterdam, you're likely contributing to human trafficking.

It's legal and regulated in many countires, including Germany and Australia, and most of eastern Europe. Also where it's not regulated, why do you assume everyone doing it is abused? It's a job like any other. Yes, the people do it because they want money, but isn't that the same with any job?

Probably there's more exploitation going on at the factory in Vietnam where your shirt was made than in the sex industry.

Legal sex work leads to more trafficking because there are not enough voluntary prostitutes to meet increased demand. There is lots of exploitation—Germany in particular. It’s called the Nordic model and it’s a disaster.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A man paying for sex with a prostitute is equivalent to a woman seeking out a random dude at bar/hotel/conference for a one night stand encounter. They just want sex with a stranger and no strings attached. In other words, it is simply NSA sex.

The fact that most men will have NSA sex without payment (and most women would not... even WITH a payment!) is simply a consequence of men's 10 times higher sex drive. This biological libido gap does not make NSA sex any better or worse for a man to do it versus a woman.

Exactly This!

Except the random dude at the bar isn't likely to have been abused and stripped of autonomy and choices for most of his life. If prostitution was safe and legal and regulated I would have less of a problem with it. But the reality is that if you aren't in Nevada or Amsterdam, you're likely contributing to human trafficking.

It's legal and regulated in many countires, including Germany and Australia, and most of eastern Europe. Also where it's not regulated, why do you assume everyone doing it is abused? It's a job like any other. Yes, the people do it because they want money, but isn't that the same with any job?

Probably there's more exploitation going on at the factory in Vietnam where your shirt was made than in the sex industry.

Legal sex work leads to more trafficking because there are not enough voluntary prostitutes to meet increased demand. There is lots of exploitation—Germany in particular. It’s called the Nordic model and it’s a disaster.

A friend's friend owned one of the brothels (FKK sauna clubs) in Germany. He had to turn away prositutes at certain times of day as there were too many and they only had so many beds. They did it because the money was good. No idea if they were "trafficked". I doubt he was keeping their passports as the police kept a close eye on the place. I also know no one actually lived there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Deal breaker. It undermines human dignity.

What do you mean? It's not empowering for the woman who chooses this as a profession? Praytell what kind of anti-feminist are you???

DP. Even when prostitution is legal, there are terrible abuses that occur. It may empower a woman in the sense that it allows her to keep a roof over her/her kids’ heads, but it’s not true empowerment if she has no other viable options. Any man who shows such disregard for the well-being of women by contributing to an industry that abuses them is not worth my time. He’s garbage.

Men disregard and abuse women outside of sex work. It's really pitiful how men will lie and deceive you to satisfy a basic human need. And yes, women learn to play games because they know the value of sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd probably be "mostly ok" with is if it was legal and not a sex trafficking situation. I feel like sex with a prostitute is, in a way, more honorable than sleeping with some woman who thinks you're going to call her again and then ghosting her because you were just in it for the sex. At least with prostitution, it's honest.

That said, I'd probably be on the alert for other things he's done that are slightly outside of the norm, sexually. He might have a different moral code than I do and there might be more stuff there that he hasn't disclosed yet.

Yes, your first paragraph is so true. That's why dating is so difficult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Deal breaker. It undermines human dignity.

What do you mean? It's not empowering for the woman who chooses this as a profession? Praytell what kind of anti-feminist are you???

DP we don't know for sure she chose it. I wouldn't date a male prostitute either. Doesn't make me anti-men!

[Anonymous]

What's he like in bed? The men I've slept with who were good in bed were really into caring about the woman's experience. I would tend to think a man who was willing to have totally transactional sex was a bad lover in general. The one boyfriend I had who didn't even like strippers was amazing in bed, and a super person.