Embarrassed at school function re my partier teen

[Anonymous]

We parents of children with special needs have always felt this way, OP.

We are judged and blamed, because of course other parents would never have let it come to this. They would have magically treated the disorder. We have to be lacking in some way. We don't give enough meds, or too many, or not the right ones. We should get this and that therapist and work intensively with them, but also chill out because we're stressing our kid with all this useless expensive work.

Yep. You grow a thick skin.

[Anonymous]

NP here. The reason MY teen is the only one in the family in therapy is because our family truly has no money for the rest of us. Mental health issues are seriously expensive at least with our coverage. I cannot wait to do therapy, seriously. I need it. We're going into debt dealing with the person most on fire. That's all we got.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

We parents of children with special needs have always felt this way, OP.

We are judged and blamed, because of course other parents would never have let it come to this. They would have magically treated the disorder. We have to be lacking in some way. We don't give enough meds, or too many, or not the right ones. We should get this and that therapist and work intensively with them, but also chill out because we're stressing our kid with all this useless expensive work.

Yep. You grow a thick skin.

There is a huge difference in a child with SN where the parent is getting therapies and help, even if its not working and a child who doesn't have SN and is a drug addict and the parents know and are not trying to stop it or get their cild help.

[Anonymous]

I just want to say BTDT and keep putting one foot in front of the other, holding your head high, and doing the right thing for your kid and staying involved in the community.

Sure - there are people judging you - you are not going to likely win them over. Focus on the people in your orbit who can appreciate nuance. Many of the people who don't get it, just haven't had the opportunity to be forced to. It sucks that its the way it is, but it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

We parents of children with special needs have always felt this way, OP.

We are judged and blamed, because of course other parents would never have let it come to this. They would have magically treated the disorder. We have to be lacking in some way. We don't give enough meds, or too many, or not the right ones. We should get this and that therapist and work intensively with them, but also chill out because we're stressing our kid with all this useless expensive work.

Yep. You grow a thick skin.

There is a huge difference in a child with SN where the parent is getting therapies and help, even if its not working and a child who doesn't have SN and is a drug addict and the parents know and are not trying to stop it or get their cild help.

Be careful not to delude yourself into thinking you can tell the difference. You often can't.

Good reason just not to take on the role of judging others.

[Anonymous]

I am certain a large number of parents could have written this post. However, if you are that family in my neighborhood, please know that my issue is that your ds is also a known dealer and the word is that you KNOW about it. To me, that is on a whole other level and you should be embarrassed and ashamed that you aren't doing everything in your power to put a stop to dealing to others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP here. The reason MY teen is the only one in the family in therapy is because our family truly has no money for the rest of us. Mental health issues are seriously expensive at least with our coverage. I cannot wait to do therapy, seriously. I need it. We're going into debt dealing with the person most on fire. That's all we got.

Hang in there- you are doing what you can with what you've got -and that is a lot. Hugs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

We parents of children with special needs have always felt this way, OP.

We are judged and blamed, because of course other parents would never have let it come to this. They would have magically treated the disorder. We have to be lacking in some way. We don't give enough meds, or too many, or not the right ones. We should get this and that therapist and work intensively with them, but also chill out because we're stressing our kid with all this useless expensive work.

Yep. You grow a thick skin.

There is a huge difference in a child with SN where the parent is getting therapies and help, even if its not working and a child who doesn't have SN and is a drug addict and the parents know and are not trying to stop it or get their cild help.

Not at all. This shows how little you know about special needs. Can you identify a tween or teen with special needs when you meet them?

What if they're socially awkward? Do you think "Aspie, I'd better come to the point directly without insisting on eye contact", or do you think "what a rude kid these parents raised, he can't even look at me in the eye and he interrupted me twice to go off on a tangent"?

What if they're restless and fidgety? Do you think "ADHD, I'd better redirect him, give him a fidget, let him walk about while we finish our meal"? Or do you think "that kid is impossible, how come his parents let him get up from the table like that every 5 minutes?" ?

And if you know the families a little more, that's just opportunity for more judging. There are plenty of people who think some disorders aren't real, and parents are just trying to game the system. There are plenty of parents who think you're not doing enough, and because of your neglect, your child is not getting what he needs.

I have lived this. I know.
And I will add that most troubled teens have issues that need to be resolved - perhaps not a lifelong disorder, but perhaps a temporary one, that still needs psychological evaluation and counseling.
So the overlap is quite important.
And the judging is the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am certain a large number of parents could have written this post. However, if you are that family in my neighborhood, please know that my issue is that your ds is also a known dealer and the word is that you KNOW about it. To me, that is on a whole other level and you should be embarrassed and ashamed that you aren't doing everything in your power to put a stop to dealing to others.

Do you know they are not?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

We parents of children with special needs have always felt this way, OP.

We are judged and blamed, because of course other parents would never have let it come to this. They would have magically treated the disorder. We have to be lacking in some way. We don't give enough meds, or too many, or not the right ones. We should get this and that therapist and work intensively with them, but also chill out because we're stressing our kid with all this useless expensive work.

Yep. You grow a thick skin.

There is a huge difference in a child with SN where the parent is getting therapies and help, even if its not working and a child who doesn't have SN and is a drug addict and the parents know and are not trying to stop it or get their cild help.

Not at all. This shows how little you know about special needs. Can you identify a tween or teen with special needs when you meet them?

What if they're socially awkward? Do you think "Aspie, I'd better come to the point directly without insisting on eye contact", or do you think "what a rude kid these parents raised, he can't even look at me in the eye and he interrupted me twice to go off on a tangent"?

What if they're restless and fidgety? Do you think "ADHD, I'd better redirect him, give him a fidget, let him walk about while we finish our meal"? Or do you think "that kid is impossible, how come his parents let him get up from the table like that every 5 minutes?" ?

And if you know the families a little more, that's just opportunity for more judging. There are plenty of people who think some disorders aren't real, and parents are just trying to game the system. There are plenty of parents who think you're not doing enough, and because of your neglect, your child is not getting what he needs.

I have lived this. I know.
And I will add that most troubled teens have issues that need to be resolved - perhaps not a lifelong disorder, but perhaps a temporary one, that still needs psychological evaluation and counseling.
So the overlap is quite important.
And the judging is the same.

I agree that the judging is the same. It doesn't matter what the issue is, there seem to be two types of people in the world; those who have experienced difficulties and know better than to judge, and those who know not what they are judging. There, but for the grace of God, go you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound like you love your son very much and are dedicated to helping him, as is your job as parent. But, just remember that you are not him. His actions aren't your actions. You are trying to guide him through life but he is an individual and can freely make bad choices. Your role is to support him in making better choices and having him live up to his responsibility, including rectification if needed. But don't be embarrassed.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everyone has some kind of an issue going on. I wouldn’t be judging you at all.

Seriously. We all have something going on. Your friends love you and support you if they are judging not your people

[Anonymous]

And exactly why can’t you act like a mature and responsible parent and put a stop to his Pot smoking? Are there no consequences for him? Last thing you want is a kid known for being a pot head not to mention every kid in his school knows about it and his reputation is probably terrible.

[Anonymous]

I’ll never understand why parents look the other way with kids smoking pot. Almost like it’s ok.

[Anonymous]

You might get less judgement from other parents if you stopped dismissing teen drug use as “partying”.