Embarrassed at school function re my partier teen

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here. The reason MY teen is the only one in the family in therapy is because our family truly has no money for the rest of us. Mental health issues are seriously expensive at least with our coverage. I cannot wait to do therapy, seriously. I need it. We're going into debt dealing with the person most on fire. That's all we got.

NP.

Here is a FREE or ALMOST FREE resource for you: Catholic Charities. You do not need to be Catholic. They have LCSW and therapists on staff to help families. Where do you live? I will post links for your jurisdiction. You will be asked financial information to help determine if you can pay even a little bit to off-set costs.

Additionally, you can attend meetings like Al-anon or Narcotics Anonymous. Those are FREE.

Thank you. I actually am Catholic, although as you said that does not matter. I am not in the DC area but I will look up CC for my area-- I know they're very active here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For every parent you think is judging you, there is another who is longing to catch you in a corner or a side hallway and have a chat starting with "I've been through this too".

If you isolate yourself, you're not going to get the support you really need to get through this. There are other families who share your story and have been there, done that. They'll find you, but only if you are available.

Thank you. Appreciate what you’re saying. To others, we’ve had and have consequences, we do monitor things, we do not approve at all, and he’s not dealing. He’s a sophomore and I’m certain this all started just a year ago so hopefully we can get a handle on it. I’ll also note, I spent this weekend talking with other parents and the marijuana use in this demographic is really high. Not excusing it, just saying there likely are parents out there that have no idea their kid is smoking. In our school it ranges from the artsy kids to the varsity athletes.

Is he driving? How is he managing to go to pot parties?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For every parent you think is judging you, there is another who is longing to catch you in a corner or a side hallway and have a chat starting with "I've been through this too".

If you isolate yourself, you're not going to get the support you really need to get through this. There are other families who share your story and have been there, done that. They'll find you, but only if you are available.

Thank you. Appreciate what you’re saying. To others, we’ve had and have consequences, we do monitor things, we do not approve at all, and he’s not dealing. He’s a sophomore and I’m certain this all started just a year ago so hopefully we can get a handle on it. I’ll also note, I spent this weekend talking with other parents and the marijuana use in this demographic is really high. Not excusing it, just saying there likely are parents out there that have no idea their kid is smoking. In our school it ranges from the artsy kids to the varsity athletes.

Is he driving? How is he managing to go to pot parties?

What’s a pot party? Are you 80? They do it just hanging out wherever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For every parent you think is judging you, there is another who is longing to catch you in a corner or a side hallway and have a chat starting with "I've been through this too".

If you isolate yourself, you're not going to get the support you really need to get through this. There are other families who share your story and have been there, done that. They'll find you, but only if you are available.

Thank you. Appreciate what you’re saying. To others, we’ve had and have consequences, we do monitor things, we do not approve at all, and he’s not dealing. He’s a sophomore and I’m certain this all started just a year ago so hopefully we can get a handle on it. I’ll also note, I spent this weekend talking with other parents and the marijuana use in this demographic is really high. Not excusing it, just saying there likely are parents out there that have no idea their kid is smoking. In our school it ranges from the artsy kids to the varsity athletes.

Is he driving? How is he managing to go to pot parties?

What’s a pot party? Are you 80? They do it just hanging out wherever.

Pot stinks. They aren't just meeting in the school parking lot and smoking weed. Where is he going to smoke weed, how is he getting there or does Op know?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For every parent you think is judging you, there is another who is longing to catch you in a corner or a side hallway and have a chat starting with "I've been through this too".

If you isolate yourself, you're not going to get the support you really need to get through this. There are other families who share your story and have been there, done that. They'll find you, but only if you are available.

Thank you. Appreciate what you’re saying. To others, we’ve had and have consequences, we do monitor things, we do not approve at all, and he’s not dealing. He’s a sophomore and I’m certain this all started just a year ago so hopefully we can get a handle on it. I’ll also note, I spent this weekend talking with other parents and the marijuana use in this demographic is really high. Not excusing it, just saying there likely are parents out there that have no idea their kid is smoking. In our school it ranges from the artsy kids to the varsity athletes.

Is he driving? How is he managing to go to pot parties?

What’s a pot party? Are you 80? They do it just hanging out wherever.

Pot stinks. They aren't just meeting in the school parking lot and smoking weed. Where is he going to smoke weed, how is he getting there or does Op know?

While walking my dog in my upper NW neighborhood last night, I smelled weed and saw the likely offenders - two teen boys across the street. Seems they do it anywhere they please.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For every parent you think is judging you, there is another who is longing to catch you in a corner or a side hallway and have a chat starting with "I've been through this too".

If you isolate yourself, you're not going to get the support you really need to get through this. There are other families who share your story and have been there, done that. They'll find you, but only if you are available.

Thank you. Appreciate what you’re saying. To others, we’ve had and have consequences, we do monitor things, we do not approve at all, and he’s not dealing. He’s a sophomore and I’m certain this all started just a year ago so hopefully we can get a handle on it. I’ll also note, I spent this weekend talking with other parents and the marijuana use in this demographic is really high. Not excusing it, just saying there likely are parents out there that have no idea their kid is smoking. In our school it ranges from the artsy kids to the varsity athletes.

Is he driving? How is he managing to go to pot parties?

What’s a pot party? Are you 80? They do it just hanging out wherever.

Pot stinks. They aren't just meeting in the school parking lot and smoking weed. Where is he going to smoke weed, how is he getting there or does Op know?

While walking my dog in my upper NW neighborhood last night, I smelled weed and saw the likely offenders - two teen boys across the street. Seems they do it anywhere they please.

Pot isn't legal everywhere. It has a very distinctive odor and, no, they do not smoke it just anywhere unless they truly DGAF.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For every parent you think is judging you, there is another who is longing to catch you in a corner or a side hallway and have a chat starting with "I've been through this too".

If you isolate yourself, you're not going to get the support you really need to get through this. There are other families who share your story and have been there, done that. They'll find you, but only if you are available.

Thank you. Appreciate what you’re saying. To others, we’ve had and have consequences, we do monitor things, we do not approve at all, and he’s not dealing. He’s a sophomore and I’m certain this all started just a year ago so hopefully we can get a handle on it. I’ll also note, I spent this weekend talking with other parents and the marijuana use in this demographic is really high. Not excusing it, just saying there likely are parents out there that have no idea their kid is smoking. In our school it ranges from the artsy kids to the varsity athletes.

Is he driving? How is he managing to go to pot parties?

What’s a pot party? Are you 80? They do it just hanging out wherever.

Pot stinks. They aren't just meeting in the school parking lot and smoking weed. Where is he going to smoke weed, how is he getting there or does Op know?

While walking my dog in my upper NW neighborhood last night, I smelled weed and saw the likely offenders - two teen boys across the street. Seems they do it anywhere they please.

Pot isn't legal everywhere. It has a very distinctive odor and, no, they do not smoke it just anywhere unless they truly DGAF.

For bud, that’s true, but a lot if not most teens that use vape (little to no odor) or use edibles.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For every parent you think is judging you, there is another who is longing to catch you in a corner or a side hallway and have a chat starting with "I've been through this too".

If you isolate yourself, you're not going to get the support you really need to get through this. There are other families who share your story and have been there, done that. They'll find you, but only if you are available.

Thank you. Appreciate what you’re saying. To others, we’ve had and have consequences, we do monitor things, we do not approve at all, and he’s not dealing. He’s a sophomore and I’m certain this all started just a year ago so hopefully we can get a handle on it. I’ll also note, I spent this weekend talking with other parents and the marijuana use in this demographic is really high. Not excusing it, just saying there likely are parents out there that have no idea their kid is smoking. In our school it ranges from the artsy kids to the varsity athletes.

Is he driving? How is he managing to go to pot parties?

What’s a pot party? Are you 80? They do it just hanging out wherever.

Ok

Pot stinks. They aren't just meeting in the school parking lot and smoking weed. Where is he going to smoke weed, how is he getting there or does Op know?

You’re pretty behind the times. As PP said, they often vape a cartridge with thc or edibles are popular but harder to tell how much you have had. So where do they do this? Bathrooms at school, in their cars, in their bedrooms, in the basement, at their friend’s homes, at sporting events, in restaurants, at the movies, outside, at the pool, at the golf course, at the beach. Teens go a lot of places and smoke weed.

[Anonymous]

I have grappled with the marijuana issue with my teens and therapists. I have come down to: we do not condone it, not in my house, I’ll throw it away if found, it’s illegal so know that’s a huge risk and we aren’t hiring a fancy lawyer to help you, no driving while using, nothing in the car.l, grades have to stay good. I have one teen that uses about once every weekend or so depending on his sport, and one that doesn’t at all. I talk to them openly about health, mental and physical risks. I tell them what to look out for in terms of addication or dependency. I make the teen who uses see his therapist every few weeks to make sure he’s learning other tools to deal with stressors.

I did the whole take everything away, search the room, punish, rinse and repeat. It was ineffective.

His therapist told me 90 percent of teens that go to rehab for weed it fails. So I have come to terms with the fact he’s going to use recreationally and to keep our communication open and consequences for additional harm (driving, grades suffering, weekday use, etc.) basically a “harm reduction model”. It’s working for us. I Respect that many have different views and do my best to stay in my lane. FWIW

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here. The reason MY teen is the only one in the family in therapy is because our family truly has no money for the rest of us. Mental health issues are seriously expensive at least with our coverage. I cannot wait to do therapy, seriously. I need it. We're going into debt dealing with the person most on fire. That's all we got.

NP.

Here is a FREE or ALMOST FREE resource for you: Catholic Charities. You do not need to be Catholic. They have LCSW and therapists on staff to help families. Where do you live? I will post links for your jurisdiction. You will be asked financial information to help determine if you can pay even a little bit to off-set costs.

Additionally, you can attend meetings like Al-anon or Narcotics Anonymous. Those are FREE.

Thank you. I actually am Catholic, although as you said that does not matter. I am not in the DC area but I will look up CC for my area-- I know they're very active here.

Good, I hope that the CC in your area offers the same range of services that we have here in the DMV. Good luck! And get to some meetings (Al-anon, Narc, etc)!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have grappled with the marijuana issue with my teens and therapists. I have come down to: we do not condone it, not in my house, I’ll throw it away if found, it’s illegal so know that’s a huge risk and we aren’t hiring a fancy lawyer to help you, no driving while using, nothing in the car.l, grades have to stay good. I have one teen that uses about once every weekend or so depending on his sport, and one that doesn’t at all. I talk to them openly about health, mental and physical risks. I tell them what to look out for in terms of addication or dependency. I make the teen who uses see his therapist every few weeks to make sure he’s learning other tools to deal with stressors.

I did the whole take everything away, search the room, punish, rinse and repeat. It was ineffective.

His therapist told me 90 percent of teens that go to rehab for weed it fails. So I have come to terms with the fact he’s going to use recreationally and to keep our communication open and consequences for additional harm (driving, grades suffering, weekday use, etc.) basically a “harm reduction model”. It’s working for us. I Respect that many have different views and do my best to stay in my lane. FWIW

You are condoning it! You are clearly ok with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have grappled with the marijuana issue with my teens and therapists. I have come down to: we do not condone it, not in my house, I’ll throw it away if found, it’s illegal so know that’s a huge risk and we aren’t hiring a fancy lawyer to help you, no driving while using, nothing in the car.l, grades have to stay good. I have one teen that uses about once every weekend or so depending on his sport, and one that doesn’t at all. I talk to them openly about health, mental and physical risks. I tell them what to look out for in terms of addication or dependency. I make the teen who uses see his therapist every few weeks to make sure he’s learning other tools to deal with stressors.

I did the whole take everything away, search the room, punish, rinse and repeat. It was ineffective.

His therapist told me 90 percent of teens that go to rehab for weed it fails. So I have come to terms with the fact he’s going to use recreationally and to keep our communication open and consequences for additional harm (driving, grades suffering, weekday use, etc.) basically a “harm reduction model”. It’s working for us. I Respect that many have different views and do my best to stay in my lane. FWIW

You are condoning it! You are clearly ok with it.

It’s not binary to me but I understand it may be to you and others and that’s fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have grappled with the marijuana issue with my teens and therapists. I have come down to: we do not condone it, not in my house, I’ll throw it away if found, it’s illegal so know that’s a huge risk and we aren’t hiring a fancy lawyer to help you, no driving while using, nothing in the car.l, grades have to stay good. I have one teen that uses about once every weekend or so depending on his sport, and one that doesn’t at all. I talk to them openly about health, mental and physical risks. I tell them what to look out for in terms of addication or dependency. I make the teen who uses see his therapist every few weeks to make sure he’s learning other tools to deal with stressors.

I did the whole take everything away, search the room, punish, rinse and repeat. It was ineffective.

His therapist told me 90 percent of teens that go to rehab for weed it fails. So I have come to terms with the fact he’s going to use recreationally and to keep our communication open and consequences for additional harm (driving, grades suffering, weekday use, etc.) basically a “harm reduction model”. It’s working for us. I Respect that many have different views and do my best to stay in my lane. FWIW

You are condoning it! You are clearly ok with it.

It’s not binary to me but I understand it may be to you and others and that’s fine.

You are basically saying if we don't see it and your grades are ok, then that's fine. Its not ok. They are using and you are letting them drive and just saying oh,, if you are high, please don't drive...you don't need to talk addiction. They are addicted.

[Anonymous]

You are not alone OP.

Many, many teens smoke weed, vape both tobacco and thc.

It’s so common, and I’m not condoning it. Teens do not have to go to “pot parties”. They have vapes on the bus, in class, in the bathroom. It’s everywhere.

Just keep checking, keep consistent on punishment, an eye on money or items that can be sold/traded, and counseling for serious issues. It’s a tough road to parent a kid who insists on learning lessons the hard way.

Again, you are not alone. Stay strong and take time to care for yourself too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are not alone OP.

Many, many teens smoke weed, vape both tobacco and thc.

It’s so common, and I’m not condoning it. Teens do not have to go to “pot parties”. They have vapes on the bus, in class, in the bathroom. It’s everywhere.

Just keep checking, keep consistent on punishment, an eye on money or items that can be sold/traded, and counseling for serious issues. It’s a tough road to parent a kid who insists on learning lessons the hard way.

Again, you are not alone. Stay strong and take time to care for yourself too.

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