Reply to Embarrassed at school function re my partier teen

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]

We parents of children with special needs have always felt this way, OP.

We are judged and blamed, because of course other parents would never have let it come to this. They would have magically treated the disorder. We have to be lacking in some way. We don't give enough meds, or too many, or not the right ones. We should get this and that therapist and work intensively with them, but also chill out because we're stressing our kid with all this useless expensive work.

Yep. You grow a thick skin.
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There is a huge difference in a child with SN where the parent is getting therapies and help, even if its not working and a child who doesn't have SN and is a drug addict and the parents know and are not trying to stop it or get their cild help.[/quote]

Not at all. This shows how little you know about special needs. Can you identify a tween or teen with special needs when you meet them?

What if they're socially awkward? Do you think "Aspie, I'd better come to the point directly without insisting on eye contact", or do you think "what a rude kid these parents raised, he can't even look at me in the eye and he interrupted me twice to go off on a tangent"?

What if they're restless and fidgety? Do you think "ADHD, I'd better redirect him, give him a fidget, let him walk about while we finish our meal"? Or do you think "that kid is impossible, how come his parents let him get up from the table like that every 5 minutes?" ?

And if you know the families a little more, that's just opportunity for more judging. There are plenty of people who think some disorders aren't real, and parents are just trying to game the system. There are plenty of parents who think you're not doing enough, and because of your neglect, your child is not getting what he needs.

I have lived this. I know.
And I will add that most troubled teens have issues that need to be resolved - perhaps not a lifelong disorder, but perhaps a temporary one, that still needs psychological evaluation and counseling.
So the overlap is quite important.
And the judging is the same.
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