"Drama" in lieu of common sense?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:New poster. My husband has anxiety. My DD has a serious illness and periodic hospitalizations. Whenever she goes into the hospital it seems like he forgets something crucial -- his ID and credit cards; all his clothes. All our clothes in the hotel room we rented near the hospital. Who gets to go back for this stuff? Why, I do, because he's too anxious to drive a car.

OP, I feel for you. But anxiety is very real.

OP here. I never knew it might be anxiety, which is why I posted, so someone can explain this to me, thank you. Keep the stories coming, it is nice to know I am not alone. Of the people who go through this with their spouses, dos your spouse take anxiety (or other) medication? How do you deal with the situation? It is difficult, as you know - we should eb able to rely on each other (not entirely, just somewhat).

[Anonymous]

I never tell my spouse I have a cold bc the immediate response is blaming me for getting sick and imagining how inconvient it would be if he happened to catch it also.

[Anonymous]

On a scale of 1 to 10 how bright is your dh in general?

[Anonymous]

Anxiety. I have it, my whole bio family has it (except for dad) and it's like anxiety brakes over my brain and I can't think. I tend to have meltdowns though, and move slowly enough that I don't tend to make mistakes like your dh opening that door. But I will also get overwhelmed physically (like the throwing his back out episode.) I tend to get physically sick during stress.

[Anonymous]

And, I have been to therapy. Which helped, but it's gone on for so long without me knowing I had anxiety I'm now on meds. Cuts anxiety in half, approximately but does cause me to be somewhat numb and unexpressive.

[Anonymous]

My husband catastrophizes. Our son's zipper got stuck. DH says "It's ruined. It'll never work again. We're going to have to get a new coat before you call play in the snow." It took me 30 seconds to get it unstuck.

[Anonymous]

This thread is giving me anxiety. These spouses seem so incompetent. This isn't normal.

[Anonymous]

Do people choose to throw their back out?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:New poster. My husband has anxiety. My DD has a serious illness and periodic hospitalizations. Whenever she goes into the hospital it seems like he forgets something crucial -- his ID and credit cards; all his clothes. All our clothes in the hotel room we rented near the hospital. Who gets to go back for this stuff? Why, I do, because he's too anxious to drive a car.

OP, I feel for you. But anxiety is very real.

OP here. I never knew it might be anxiety, which is why I posted, so someone can explain this to me, thank you. Keep the stories coming, it is nice to know I am not alone. Of the people who go through this with their spouses, dos your spouse take anxiety (or other) medication? How do you deal with the situation? It is difficult, as you know - we should eb able to rely on each other (not entirely, just somewhat).

Previous poster. It is exasperating. And I do get angry. But he is an absolutely wonderful father for our daughter, which is what we need, and we have a highly functional marriage.

[Anonymous]

Not to be a smart ass but where these men like this when you were dating? Ugh, lack of common sense is my kryptonite abd honest to goodness he'd have two times of pulling the mess you are talking about and they would find his body in the backyard. UHGGGG!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not to be a smart ass but where these men like this when you were dating? Ugh, lack of common sense is my kryptonite abd honest to goodness he'd have two times of pulling the mess you are talking about and they would find his body in the backyard. UHGGGG!

My DH is very organized, responsible, hardworking and positive. I didn’t know that there are mental issues in his family. SIL diagnosed as bipolar several years after we got married. He has rare anxiety episodes, maybe 2-3 times a year, if there are some major things that trigger him, somewhat similar to what Op described. the worst one was when I miscaried. No, i didnt see this coming while dating. Its hard when it happens, but not bad enough to end the marriage over this. Now I am better at recognizing it and being more prepared. We are in therapy and i hope to conviince him eventually to get screened by a psychiatrist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:On a scale of 1 to 10 how bright is your dh in general?

Most of these men are very good at their jobs, but that is not what we are talking about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do people choose to throw their back out?

If they are predisposed to drama when there is a crisis, yes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not to be a smart ass but where these men like this when you were dating? Ugh, lack of common sense is my kryptonite abd honest to goodness he'd have two times of pulling the mess you are talking about and they would find his body in the backyard. UHGGGG!

My DH is very organized, responsible, hardworking and positive. I didn’t know that there are mental issues in his family. SIL diagnosed as bipolar several years after we got married. He has rare anxiety episodes, maybe 2-3 times a year, if there are some major things that trigger him, somewhat similar to what Op described. the worst one was when I miscaried. No, i didnt see this coming while dating. Its hard when it happens, but not bad enough to end the marriage over this. Now I am better at recognizing it and being more prepared. We are in therapy and i hope to conviince him eventually to get screened by a psychiatrist.

OP here. Thank you for sharing, I am so sorry about your miscarriage. Is your DH open to meds? Mine is not (nor is he open to professional help), but I have *absolutely* seen extreme anxiety in his family, among several other mental illnesses. IMHO, if your DH "owns his family's issues" it really helps, or starts him on his way, to get the help he needs. I think outsiders have a hard time understanding that unless you reside with DH's family (most people, including me, do not) - one has no way of picking up on these intricate complexities, dynamics and issues within the family. Not only that, I am not a psychiatrist, so I would have little or no indication, even if I did spend 24/7 with them. I only have my own family as point of reference, like the rest of you. But I am glad for those who don't have to deal with it - go you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Anxiety. I have it, my whole bio family has it (except for dad) and it's like anxiety brakes over my brain and I can't think. I tend to have meltdowns though, and move slowly enough that I don't tend to make mistakes like your dh opening that door. But I will also get overwhelmed physically (like the throwing his back out episode.) I tend to get physically sick during stress.

OP here. Thank you for sharing. What are some good ways to deal with it, that you might have learned along the way? Any references, resources (I am aware of NAMI, but I am talking about less broad resources) ro methods of coping? How do I talk to someone like this, during his anxiety? There are common threads throughout his family, and very few voices of reason, and since the family is in denial, that possibility is out.