Thriving in neighborhood despite mean neighbors - give me hope

[Anonymous]

OP, what you don't realize is that there are always more normal moms than mean moms. What you also don't realize is that most of the people in your neighborhood hate the mean moms as much (if not more) than you think. The nice moms suck up to the mean moms, because they don't want to be on the mean moms radar, or they will be next. They are not going to tell you that.

I agree with PP that you should have a holiday open house. Don't bother inviting the mean moms, they seem judgy and gossipy, and who needs that. When your DC are in ES, they will make their own friends. Let them.

I know someone who was in a nightmare neighborhood like the one you mention. Looked great on paper, but there were very a handful of toxic, miserable, gossipy, judgy women. Know that everyone is well aware of who is who, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, what you don't realize is that there are always more normal moms than mean moms. What you also don't realize is that most of the people in your neighborhood hate the mean moms as much (if not more) than you think. The nice moms suck up to the mean moms, because they don't want to be on the mean moms radar, or they will be next. They are not going to tell you that.

I agree with PP that you should have a holiday open house. Don't bother inviting the mean moms, they seem judgy and gossipy, and who needs that. When your DC are in ES, they will make their own friends. Let them.

I know someone who was in a nightmare neighborhood like the one you mention. Looked great on paper, but there were very a handful of toxic, miserable, gossipy, judgy women. Know that everyone is well aware of who is who, OP.

This is somehow exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you so much. Wish you were my neighbor ha

[Anonymous]

I posted before about my culture shock when we moved to Vienna from PG county as a black family. I loved our old neighborhood. People were kind, watched out for each other and it was a really gorgeous place full of Victorians. It was nice, but DH's job moved to Tysons and commute is king around here so we landed in Vienna.

And holy heck! The moms were awful to me. Awful. Rude. Dismissive. Unfriendly. I made one friend a working mom (I am a SAHM) and our kids hung out a bit, I'd keep her kid with mine during the zillion snow days. We built a solid friendship.

What really helped was that I led a daisy troop when my oldest started K. It was a ton of work but we've made friends. It's been years since we moved and it was a slow, slow process. Yes, there are there stuck up B's running around. Yes, people ask if we "live" in our school zone or place in (we live in the damn zone). People act shocked when they come over but yes, we have money despite me driving an old ass Camry. I'm not a car person, fwiw.

My advice OP is to keep it moving. Keep positive. Keep it cute. But keep it moving along. Don't get involved in the mess and keep your kids busy and happy and healthy. The rest will come in due time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, what you don't realize is that there are always more normal moms than mean moms. What you also don't realize is that most of the people in your neighborhood hate the mean moms as much (if not more) than you think. The nice moms suck up to the mean moms, because they don't want to be on the mean moms radar, or they will be next. They are not going to tell you that.

I agree with PP that you should have a holiday open house. Don't bother inviting the mean moms, they seem judgy and gossipy, and who needs that. When your DC are in ES, they will make their own friends. Let them.

I know someone who was in a nightmare neighborhood like the one you mention. Looked great on paper, but there were very a handful of toxic, miserable, gossipy, judgy women. Know that everyone is well aware of who is who, OP.

This is somehow exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you so much. Wish you were my neighbor ha

Me too! I am guessing you live within walking distance of an elementary school? That might attract the byotches, from what I have seen. Trust me, most people feel the exact same way you do. It will come up without you even saying anything. It always does. Just listen. The mean byotches try to bait you and report back, because they are mere minions. LOL. Don't take the bait, let them report back whatever they want to make up, because they will. They are not very smart. Find your own people. It is easy, because you are not a mean, gossipy, judgmental byotch. Decent people who are personable and have who have personality don't have their behaviors, as you know. You do you and find like people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I posted before about my culture shock when we moved to Vienna from PG county as a black family. I loved our old neighborhood. People were kind, watched out for each other and it was a really gorgeous place full of Victorians. It was nice, but DH's job moved to Tysons and commute is king around here so we landed in Vienna.

And holy heck! The moms were awful to me. Awful. Rude. Dismissive. Unfriendly. I made one friend a working mom (I am a SAHM) and our kids hung out a bit, I'd keep her kid with mine during the zillion snow days. We built a solid friendship.

What really helped was that I led a daisy troop when my oldest started K. It was a ton of work but we've made friends. It's been years since we moved and it was a slow, slow process. Yes, there are there stuck up B's running around. Yes, people ask if we "live" in our school zone or place in (we live in the damn zone). People act shocked when they come over but yes, we have money despite me driving an old ass Camry. I'm not a car person, fwiw.

My advice OP is to keep it moving. Keep positive. Keep it cute. But keep it moving along. Don't get involved in the mess and keep your kids busy and happy and healthy. The rest will come in due time.

+1

Onward and upward, OP - no where to go but up from their sh*tshow.

[Anonymous]

Hang in there, OP. You've gotten great advice and I'll just say I believe you 100%. A good friend lives in a neighborhood like this and it sounds hellish. She is SO kind and down to earth and has managed to make friends by being persistently friendly and letting the ish roll off her back. I would go bananas.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hang in there, OP. You've gotten great advice and I'll just say I believe you 100%. A good friend lives in a neighborhood like this and it sounds hellish. She is SO kind and down to earth and has managed to make friends by being persistently friendly and letting the ish roll off her back. I would go bananas.

Thank you so much, I really apreciate it.

[Anonymous]

The funny thing is, the B's have absolutely ZERO to be b*tchy about, OP - which makes it all the more hilarious!

[Anonymous]

Ignore it. My kids are in lots of activities so they don't care about the neighbors kids. Our neighbors deliberately alienated us after we didn't do what they demanded (it was not a reasonable request) and then they made the same demand every year. Because we didn't comply they stopped inviting us and rarely talk to us. I don't care as I don't want friends like that nor do I want my children at their home. Your kid will make other friends at school and join groups to make new friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ignore it. My kids are in lots of activities so they don't care about the neighbors kids. Our neighbors deliberately alienated us after we didn't do what they demanded (it was not a reasonable request) and then they made the same demand every year. Because we didn't comply they stopped inviting us and rarely talk to us. I don't care as I don't want friends like that nor do I want my children at their home. Your kid will make other friends at school and join groups to make new friends.

+1

This is usually how it starts. They make demands, then when they start getting less and less reasonable, and you finally say no to something, they don't like it, so they seek revenge by stirring the pot. So juvenile. Did you build a big addition that blocked their "view" by chance, OP? Something like that would really set someone like that off. People like that are antagonistic and easily triggered - they think you will be triggered by the same things that trigger them. In other words, there is no pleasing them, by trying to be a good neighbor, in the conventional sense, because they are crazy. Just ignore.

[Anonymous]

Hi,
We moved 3 years ago to a small, suburban area with tons of kids. I would not call any of the moms (or dads) mean, but we are not included unless its a huge neighborhood thing. I think part of it is that most of the moms either work p/t or are sahm and spend a lot of time together and sharing kids--I work a lot and travel a lot. Our kids dont do the same sports activities either and finally, my son has adhd and social issues, so he finds it hard to make friends easily. I dont take it too personally and my daughter will sometimes play with the neighbors but we are not close the way other families are, with constant dinners and sleepovers. We try to host a few bbqs over the summer and everyone is friendly, but we are just not part of the 'in' crowd.

[Anonymous]

I had some "mean girl" neighbors (my kids are older).

I went out and bought some Really Super Cool Yard Toys -- the amazing summer sprinker, the backpack water sprayers, the really big bouncing ball, etc. -- and had my kids go outside and play when those kids were outside, too. Maybe my child has invited a school friend over (one who didn't live in the neighborhood). They proceeded to have a total blast.

Other kids know where the real fun is, and the kids of the mean girl moms would begin to hover. I would say that they could play to, but they would have to ask their moms. They did, and that forced an interaction.

Having the cool toys works whether you're 4 or 40. Don't be afraid to have fun!

[Anonymous]

^^ could play *too*

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do their kids exclude your kids? I get that maybe you won't all be invited for cocoa and cookies afterwards, but if there are kids playing together outside in common areas, I can't imagine that your children would be snubbed...

Yes, they do. My kids hear on the bus from some of the other kids that their moms don’t like us, so they can’t play with my kids except at recess at school.

This is so weird. Did something happen to make them dislike you? Its just so weird!

[Anonymous]

My block has an extreme mean girl dynamic. Fortunately, I have an abundance of wonderful friends nearby but not on the block. I just ignore (and am also very busy with work etc so not home stewing, thank god!).