DH issue, advice please

[Anonymous]

OP, have him make the appt in January NOW. Hold him to his word. This is completely normal, BTW. Lots of men suffer from this.

IUI may be a good option for you. You can try it at-home-style. Look up the Instead soft cup method a PP mentioned. He does his thing into that, you put it inside of you. It can work, but I'd only do it a few months before moving on to monitored IUI. I had a friend with this issue and IUI didn't work for them, but that's because she also had issues. They have a baby now from IVF.

Are you tracking your cycles to that you know when you ovulate? My other advice is to NEVER tell him when you are ovulating.

[Anonymous]

Thank you. Yes, I have been tracking my cycles and I do tell him the best dates for fertility. Why do you say not to tell him?

[Anonymous]

Male/Husband poster here from a few posts back - OP: don't read into it too much re his porn watching desire. Most will contradict me on this, but just bc he watches porn, doesn't mean he prefers it to you. The real thing feels better. Will he stray as someone else mentioned? I doubt it, esp since he seems to be willing to make some changes to helping you conceive. Plus, teachers usually posses great judgment and common sense. So, don't freak out too much. If you aren't offended by the idea, maybe you should consider watching porn as a way to get both going. I would consider it as a form of foreplay. Just my .02.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Proceed with caution. Mine took to porn during my pregnancy. No longer responded to me. After birth of child, still could not respond to me. Eventually he explored outside the marriage to see if he responded to someone else.

Hub here. Maybe I'm effed up, but, with the wife preg, she seems to glow and I find her even more attractive now. I'm on (in) her more now than when she wasn't preg.

[Anonymous]

He's gay.

[Anonymous]

He’s got a porn problem. People gloss over it left and right these days but porn can destroy relationships and (real) sex drives. It’s got the same addictive effects on the brain as substances, leads to performance problems and intimacy issues. They are starting to see ED problems in young men(!) which was almost an unheard of issue in the past before easy-access internet porn became a thing. Men can’t stay aroused unless there’s porn playing, or a magazine open next to them, etc. It’s the new age scourge.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, have him make the appt in January NOW. Hold him to his word. This is completely normal, BTW. Lots of men suffer from this.

IUI may be a good option for you. You can try it at-home-style. Look up the Instead soft cup method a PP mentioned. He does his thing into that, you put it inside of you. It can work, but I'd only do it a few months before moving on to monitored IUI. I had a friend with this issue and IUI didn't work for them, but that's because she also had issues. They have a baby now from IVF.

Are you tracking your cycles to that you know when you ovulate? My other advice is to NEVER tell him when you are ovulating.

+1. I agree with all of this. Performance anxiety is surprisingly common in the (in)fertility communities I'm a part of. The pressure gets to him and he can't perform. Like PP said, don't tell him when you're ovulating (it increases the pressure) and make sure you initiate often enough that he doesn't connect initiation with ovulation. And try the porn! If that doesn't help, then try the instead cups (cheap and easy) or one of the home IUI kits like Stork, Mosie Baby, etc. (more expensive, but more "official" if you prefer that). Make sure he doesn't use regular lube or lotion if you go the cup/kit route - only a fertility friendly lube like Preseed or baby oil. If he's game for trying those methods, you'll know he really wants a baby and it's just performance anxiety. If he's resistant, then maybe you need to have another conversation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He’s got a porn problem. People gloss over it left and right these days but porn can destroy relationships and (real) sex drives. It’s got the same addictive effects on the brain as substances, leads to performance problems and intimacy issues. They are starting to see ED problems in young men(!) which was almost an unheard of issue in the past before easy-access internet porn became a thing. Men can’t stay aroused unless there’s porn playing, or a magazine open next to them, etc. It’s the new age scourge.

+1. He absolutely has a porn problem. No question about it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's gay.

X2. In my 30’s I was hard as diamonds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's gay.

X2. In my 30’s I was hard as diamonds.

I watch porn from time to time, read erotica, an watch youtube videos involving butt workouts, and have yet to experience ED. I'll come do these sightings, but will also get hard when wife wants me or when I want her. No issues with ejaculating with either scenario.

[Anonymous]

OP, I know you are focused on children, but are you sure you want to have a lifetime of having a DH with ED who won't address it? Are you prepared to have bad sex for the rest of your life? Because having a child with him is the thing that will make leaving him way more difficult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I know you are focused on children, but are you sure you want to have a lifetime of having a DH with ED who won't address it? Are you prepared to have bad sex for the rest of your life? Because having a child with him is the thing that will make leaving him way more difficult.

I'm sure she'd settle for bad sex, but with her guy, they won't be having any sex if he can't get his hard-ON.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He’s got a porn problem. People gloss over it left and right these days but porn can destroy relationships and (real) sex drives. It’s got the same addictive effects on the brain as substances, leads to performance problems and intimacy issues. They are starting to see ED problems in young men(!) which was almost an unheard of issue in the past before easy-access internet porn became a thing. Men can’t stay aroused unless there’s porn playing, or a magazine open next to them, etc. It’s the new age scourge.

+1. He absolutely has a porn problem. No question about it

Your DH has a porn problem. Honestly, I would get the hell out of that marriage ASAP unless you want to come second to porn the rest of your life.

[Anonymous]

Do you care if you watch porn while you do it? If not, there’s your fix.

[Anonymous]

Just indulge his fantasies for this particular purpose. Sounds like he’s not sexually attracted to you.