Spouse hiding marijuana use

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you're treating him like a teenaged son. I'm not surprised he sneaks around and does it. I'd just let him smoke the weed. My god, he could be doing so much worse.

[Anonymous]

I’ve never understood adults still smoking pot. For me it was something kids did as teenagers and now the majority of adults I see smoking it are basically losers that never grew up. Yes, I realize it’s not a dangerous drug or anything but somethings wrong if he has to smoke pot to feel better or feel a high. No different then if your husband had a drinking problem and had to hide his drinking from you.

Tell him to grow up.

[Anonymous]

You had a conversation “a few years ago” about him not smoking pot. Before you get in a tizzy, I suggest talking to your husband again. Please acknowledge that he appears to have abided by your wishes for years. He knows you don’t want him smoking yet he apparently seeks an outlet or escape. Why not come up with a solution together?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You had a conversation “a few years ago” about him not smoking pot. Before you get in a tizzy, I suggest talking to your husband again. Please acknowledge that he appears to have abided by your wishes for years. He knows you don’t want him smoking yet he apparently seeks an outlet or escape. Why not come up with a solution together?

This is my plan. DH and I rarely fight. We will talk though this in a sane manner. His work stress has been higher lately, and our family stress increases when I return to work (I'm a teacher, off for the summer). I did not say a word last night. I'm not sure if he thinks I believed him when he said he was taking out the trash last night.

[Anonymous]

If it were me, I’d wonder why my DH felt the need to lie; that wouldn’t sit well with me and that would bother me more than the pot use. I would gently approach a conversation about it. I’d make the conversation about our relationship, and I wouldn’t react angrily or demand he stop smoking.

I’d want to understand why he’s smoking more and what’s going on with him. I’d also want to know where he gets the pot and mention my concerns about interaction with his meds. But that conversation can only happen if he doesn’t feel under attack or like a teenager who just got caught.

[Anonymous]

PP here. FWIW, I’m okay with occasional pot use, but not every day — and if there were a personal or family history of addiction, then not at all.

[Anonymous]

And of course if it started to change his personality then that’s a deal breaker.

[Anonymous]

Lots of folks demonizing pot - lack of education and gross over reaction.

Your DH is hiding it b/c he knows how you feel about it and you are being unreasonable. It helps him, apparently. He's doing it for a number of reasons - maybe to take the edge off, deal with medical issues, etc. I'd focus on those issues rather than him toking up at times.

Don't get all bent out of shape over the pot smoking. Occasional is fine. There is no data to support otherwise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve never understood adults still smoking pot. For me it was something kids did as teenagers and now the majority of adults I see smoking it are basically losers that never grew up. Yes, I realize it’s not a dangerous drug or anything but somethings wrong if he has to smoke pot to feel better or feel a high. No different then if your husband had a drinking problem and had to hide his drinking from you.

Tell him to grow up.

Because there are many (medical, etc) benefits. If you don't see that, then you are stuck in the stone age.

[Anonymous]

OP - does your DH want to hang out?

I dont smoke now (unless I bump into an old friend and they mention it and have it) and have only smoked a handful of times since I had children (20 years). I would never want to be responsible for introducing my children to it. I'm fine if they make the decision on their own. My DW has never done it and I doubt she ever will. While we've never had a lengthy discussion about it because it's never been an issue for us, I would assume it's a "don't ask, don't tell" situation. I know she's not interested and doesn't approve/preferred I wouldn't do it. I would respect her enough to not do it in front of her and likely not do it in the house (garage, deck...sure). I've already said when it's legal in the next 5 years, I'll likely partake. At that point, the kids shouldn't be an issue.

[Anonymous]

The amount of ignorance in this thread is off the charts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lots of folks demonizing pot - lack of education and gross over reaction.

Your DH is hiding it b/c he knows how you feel about it and you are being unreasonable. It helps him, apparently. He's doing it for a number of reasons - maybe to take the edge off, deal with medical issues, etc. I'd focus on those issues rather than him toking up at times.

Don't get all bent out of shape over the pot smoking. Occasional is fine. There is no data to support otherwise.

I agree.

I hid my pot use from DH for a while, because he disapproves. I finally told him that I could take prescription pain killers or I can smoke a little weed, but I couldn’t handle the pain that came from complications after surgery without some kind of pain relief. My doctor gave me a 2 week supply of opioids, then another 2 week’s supply, then another. I was worried about being on them for 6 weeks and possible addiction issues. Plus, they left me nauseated, and my anti nausea medication made me sleepy, so I was either sleeping or fighting sleep and useless at home. Smoking a little weed though, it didn’t eliminate the pain quite as well as the prescription pain meds but it helped a lot, and it didn’t leave me nauseated. I also found out it helped with my anxiety as well. After I laid it the facts for DH, he was supportive, but I really resented him being judgmental and having to get his approval to treat a medical condition.

Marijuana has a lot of practical medical applications, which it sounds like is the reason he’s using it. It’s really no big deal. The fact that you didn’t know he’s smoking weed is evidence that it’s not affecting him adversely. He lied because it’s easier than having to try and convince you it’s acceptable, deal with your judgment, and be treated like a child. Maybe consider how you’re behavior shapes people’s responses to you.

[Anonymous]

*your

[Anonymous]

Many dynamics here. Glad you are sharing your feelings. Your hurt, frustration, fear, and concern are understandable. Have you considered honestly discussing with DH your feelings? Using "I" messages sometimes get to the heart of problems. Have you considered, "I am hurt and scared when you smoke pot. I worry about you and our children. I don't know how and to help. What do you need from me to help you?"? This is an abbreviated example, yet the sentiment is you love him, want what is best for him and your marriage, and want to be a team. If you don't think this is a possibility, have you considered counseling for yourself. Sometimes we need a less biased, professional lens of our problems. Christian counseling has helped me to pinpoint my feelings, voice them appropriately, set new boundaries when needed, and use new strategies to address old problems, while still believing in "marriage" and "truth in love". Hope this helps and glad you are posting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lots of folks demonizing pot - lack of education and gross over reaction.

Your DH is hiding it b/c he knows how you feel about it and you are being unreasonable. It helps him, apparently. He's doing it for a number of reasons - maybe to take the edge off, deal with medical issues, etc. I'd focus on those issues rather than him toking up at times.

Don't get all bent out of shape over the pot smoking. Occasional is fine. There is no data to support otherwise.

I agree.

I hid my pot use from DH for a while, because he disapproves. I finally told him that I could take prescription pain killers or I can smoke a little weed, but I couldn’t handle the pain that came from complications after surgery without some kind of pain relief. My doctor gave me a 2 week supply of opioids, then another 2 week’s supply, then another. I was worried about being on them for 6 weeks and possible addiction issues. Plus, they left me nauseated, and my anti nausea medication made me sleepy, so I was either sleeping or fighting sleep and useless at home. Smoking a little weed though, it didn’t eliminate the pain quite as well as the prescription pain meds but it helped a lot, and it didn’t leave me nauseated. I also found out it helped with my anxiety as well. After I laid it the facts for DH, he was supportive, but I really resented him being judgmental and having to get his approval to treat a medical condition.

Marijuana has a lot of practical medical applications, which it sounds like is the reason he’s using it. It’s really no big deal. The fact that you didn’t know he’s smoking weed is evidence that it’s not affecting him adversely. He lied because it’s easier than having to try and convince you it’s acceptable, deal with your judgment, and be treated like a child. Maybe consider how you’re behavior shapes people’s responses to you.

Hear hear! Marijuana has so many medicinal benefits and yes, also takes the edge off. IT's been known to be a great treatment for hypertension, anxiety, etc. People, we're not talking about heroin or cocaine. FWIW, I've only smoked once in the past 20 years but I know enough about the science to know it's not the bogeyman a lot of you claim it is.