Spouse hiding marijuana use
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Anonymous
| In general, I consider myself to be a pretty laid back person. DH and I have been married 19 years, we have 3 kids in ES, MS and HS. A few times over the years, I've known him to smoke pot. Back in college, I dated a heavy pot smoker. We broke up due to his pot use, it really affected his personality. Anyway, a few years ago, I realized DH was smoking in the garage late at night. I expressed to him my concerns. He agreed to stop. DH has hereditary high cholesterol and high blood pressure. He' exercises regularly, and is only maybe 10 lbs overweight, but he's been having some side effects from his medication recently (joint pain, swelling). Now I'm worried it's not the meds, but the meds/pot combo. Ultimately, I just don't want him buying something illegal and sneaking it in the garage, especially because he told me he would stop a few years ago. I feel deceived. |
Anonymous
| OP again. I should qualify, I came down after I'd gone up to bed, and he was coming in from the garage. He said, "I was taking out the trash". I smelled it. |
Anonymous
| I'm so sorry, OP. This is devastating. |
Anonymous
| Pot actually helps decrease pain and inflammation. It's not exacerbating the side effects of the medication. |
Anonymous
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OP, it's ok -- let him have this. If I were you I would just let it go. If you push, he will push back. It's not so horrible that you need to turn into a major deal.
If you are really uncomfortable with the 'lying', tell him you know and it's ok. |
Anonymous
| Where do you live? If MD he could have a medical marijuana card which is legal. |
Anonymous
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Okay so disclaimer: I do live in a state where recreational use is legal. I don’t smoke, however, my DH does smoke. It helps him with anxiety. I think perhaps, there are various layers here that need to be looked at:
1. Hiding use/lying 2. Side effects 3. Legality So for me, pot made me very paranoid. It wasn’t a good mix with my brain chemistry. But for some people, it does really help them with pain reduction, focus and anxiety. I would keep an open mind with your DH. I would come to some agreement with him about use though. I would ask him why he likes to use it and that may help you come to a compromise. I don’t know about the mix of pot and medications because I’m not a Pharmacologist but certainly bring up your concerns about that. I guess my advice is keep an open mind, learn the reason why he smokes and see if you can find a way to be reasonable and fair about it. It’s better that he is open about it then lying. |
Anonymous
Is this sarcasm? |
Anonymous
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OP here. I'm in VA. I'm trying to think through why it bothers me so much. Part of it is my vision of him going to some seedy supplier, getting caught, getting arrested, etc. We just made some big purchases, (house, car) so we've been trying to be more frugal, Then I think of him spending on pot. But, I'm trying to find a way to be open-minded. Work can be stressful for sure. Part of me thinks that this is an old college habit that most professional adults grow out of, but I'm sure I'm naive there.
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Anonymous
Who knows? I am thinking it's not. |
Anonymous
| And I should qualify, I've smoked once in my life, and due to what I do for a living, I can never smoke, so it's not sometime I can or want to do. |
Anonymous
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stop harshing his mellow!
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Anonymous
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It's not the pot that is the real problem here, OP...and I think you know that.
It's that you've asked him not to and for some reason he can't/won't comply but instead chooses to lie. Option C is for him to look you in the eye and say "I know you don't like it and I'm sorry babe...but I want to do it anyway and I'm not going to lie to you about it." He's not choosing this option. Why? It's obviously because he has weighed the options and thinks that lying is the path of least resistance with you. Is he right? So either you need to be okay with it and tell him it's not a deal breaker but you'd rather he be honest than hide it. OR, you lay down the law and say this is not going to work for you. |
Anonymous
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I can fully understand your view.
I too had a boyfriend who smoked pot & it affected his personality so much that we broke up. He lied to you about his usage which definitely is problematic since trust is the foundation for any solid relationship. Also the fact that he is a Father of three kids does not bode well for him as a suitable parent. He needs to seek help for his problem. |
Anonymous
| While I actually don't have a problem with casual / occasional pot use itself, and while I think my husband probably smokes a few times a month and don't have any issue with it, I would definitely be mad if he'd told me he stopped a few years ago and I realized he was now doing it nightly behind my back. That speaks more to a relationship problem, and I wouldn't like it one bit |