Lonely and bored

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Huh, really? I have no trouble finding guys to go on casual dates and have sex with but that isn't what I want. I want a monogamous relationship. Instead I meet good looking interesting guys who want to take me out to nice places and then have sex within several dates but never commit. Sounds like that is what you want. I am 41 and never been married and don't have kids. Have been primarily dating divorced dads the past year and that is what I get. I'm ok looking but nothing spectacular.

I'm late 30s, and this has been my experience as well down here in Atlanta. This is the worst place for dating. Is DC any better?

DC. Honestly, I was in a long term relationship for a while and just re entered the dating scene a couple years ago. Before I did not have this experience. I really think dating apps are making it easier for guys to be noncommittal and just sleep around. Women need to wise up and date men for longer and Ashli r exclusivity/commitment before sleeping with men. I used to sleep with men pretty early on in dating and it worked out, but now I think it's riskier so I hold out.

I have to agree with this. I tried online dating but it's not for me. I'm still very old fashioned about sex. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy it but I don't need it like I need water, food, and shelter. I want it more like I want a chocolate donut. I sort of feel about sex like a donut as well. It seems like a good idea in the moment, but after, it often just leaves me feeling ashamed. I want a donut that I know is going to be worth all of the extra calories, one that at the end of the day I think that was a great donut and worth it. Sadly, while you can take a bite of a donut and spit it out if it's stale or not to your liking, it's a bit harder to do that with another person in the middle of sex. Can you imagine being intimate with someone and then just as things are really heating up saying....no, this isn't for me.....

I need to be very sure about the person I'm going to have sex with before I do it. Online dating doesn't really bring those guys out. It's more for people that just seem to want someone/anyone in the moment. I want to be able to look at myself in the mirror in the morning and not feel ashamed or embarrassed about my behavior. Of course, no one but me knows if I did this or not. But it's not a feeling about myself that I'm comfortable with. So I don't participate in online dating and I hold out hope that someday I'll meet someone that shares the same values that I do.

[Anonymous]

I was quoted above. I don't feel shame about sex at all and I definitely want it more than a chocolate doughnut! But it's not something I do casually. It means something to me and also from a health perspective I don't think it should be too much to ask that if I am having sex with someone he be willing to agree not to have sex with or date others as long as he is with me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was quoted above. I don't feel shame about sex at all and I definitely want it more than a chocolate doughnut! But it's not something I do casually. It means something to me and also from a health perspective I don't think it should be too much to ask that if I am having sex with someone he be willing to agree not to have sex with or date others as long as he is with me.

Posted too soon. I feel like it used to be safer to assume the guy wasn't sleeping around and so I'd be more comfortable moving forward more quickly. But now? It just seems men are sleeping around more and I am
More cautious and move slower as a result.

[Anonymous]

I’m a 36-year old divorced mom and am in a similar boat OP. Just here to commiserate. Agree with a lot of the comments posted, from men and women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Huh, really? I have no trouble finding guys to go on casual dates and have sex with but that isn't what I want. I want a monogamous relationship. Instead I meet good looking interesting guys who want to take me out to nice places and then have sex within several dates but never commit. Sounds like that is what you want. I am 41 and never been married and don't have kids. Have been primarily dating divorced dads the past year and that is what I get. I'm ok looking but nothing spectacular.

I feel just like this. I meet interesting attractive men and it feels like things are going well and then suddenly that’s it, no contact. I feel sad and like it’s never going to work out but I would like a relationship. My friends, both men and women, think it’s odd too-I asked them their opinion of me/dating potential, honestly! Maybe I have sex too quickly but I feel like I do it when i am ready. Seems like the men I meet are looking for something different but I wish there could just be more honesty. It’s tough!

[Anonymous]

Go on Bumble and super swipe a couple of guys. Make sure you include some "come hither" photos and you will soon have your pick.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Huh, really? I have no trouble finding guys to go on casual dates and have sex with but that isn't what I want. I want a monogamous relationship. Instead I meet good looking interesting guys who want to take me out to nice places and then have sex within several dates but never commit. Sounds like that is what you want. I am 41 and never been married and don't have kids. Have been primarily dating divorced dads the past year and that is what I get. I'm ok looking but nothing spectacular.

I feel just like this. I meet interesting attractive men and it feels like things are going well and then suddenly that’s it, no contact. I feel sad and like it’s never going to work out but I would like a relationship. My friends, both men and women, think it’s odd too-I asked them their opinion of me/dating potential, honestly! Maybe I have sex too quickly but I feel like I do it when i am ready. Seems like the men I meet are looking for something different but I wish there could just be more honesty. It’s tough!

I posted what you are responding to and also the above about waiting to have sex. I really feel like women need to hold men to higher standards of behavior, ask them about their intent and whether they will be exclusive if they are sleeping together before they have sex rather than have sex and hope it becomes exclusive. Online dating makes it easier for men to just casually sleep with women and move on and not commit. If women didnt sleep with men so casually and quickly, men couldn't get away with this poor behavior. Women are letting men treat them like crap. We deserve better and we should ask for better and if we don't get it, move on until we find someone who does treat us well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Huh, really? I have no trouble finding guys to go on casual dates and have sex with but that isn't what I want. I want a monogamous relationship. Instead I meet good looking interesting guys who want to take me out to nice places and then have sex within several dates but never commit. Sounds like that is what you want. I am 41 and never been married and don't have kids. Have been primarily dating divorced dads the past year and that is what I get. I'm ok looking but nothing spectacular.

I'm late 30s, and this has been my experience as well down here in Atlanta. This is the worst place for dating. Is DC any better?

DC. Honestly, I was in a long term relationship for a while and just re entered the dating scene a couple years ago. Before I did not have this experience. I really think dating apps are making it easier for guys to be noncommittal and just sleep around. Women need to wise up and date men for longer and Ashli r exclusivity/commitment before sleeping with men. I used to sleep with men pretty early on in dating and it worked out, but now I think it's riskier so I hold out.

I have to agree with this. I tried online dating but it's not for me. I'm still very old fashioned about sex. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy it but I don't need it like I need water, food, and shelter. I want it more like I want a chocolate donut. I sort of feel about sex like a donut as well. It seems like a good idea in the moment, but after, it often just leaves me feeling ashamed. I want a donut that I know is going to be worth all of the extra calories, one that at the end of the day I think that was a great donut and worth it. Sadly, while you can take a bite of a donut and spit it out if it's stale or not to your liking, it's a bit harder to do that with another person in the middle of sex. Can you imagine being intimate with someone and then just as things are really heating up saying....no, this isn't for me.....

I need to be very sure about the person I'm going to have sex with before I do it. Online dating doesn't really bring those guys out. It's more for people that just seem to want someone/anyone in the moment. I want to be able to look at myself in the mirror in the morning and not feel ashamed or embarrassed about my behavior. Of course, no one but me knows if I did this or not. But it's not a feeling about myself that I'm comfortable with. So I don't participate in online dating and I hold out hope that someday I'll meet someone that shares the same values that I do.

Lots of online dating is really just online mating. As long as plenty of women are giving it away on first or second dates men will take all they can get.

[Anonymous]

Lots of online dating is really just online mating. As long as plenty of women are giving it away on first or second dates men will take all they can get.

“Giving it away”? An adult has sex because she enjoys it. And I and no shortage of other people married after having sex early on, and living together too.

[Anonymous]

Giving it away. For those who may be a bit more selective in providing supply, even with high demand of potential sexual partners.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Huh, really? I have no trouble finding guys to go on casual dates and have sex with but that isn't what I want. I want a monogamous relationship. Instead I meet good looking interesting guys who want to take me out to nice places and then have sex within several dates but never commit. Sounds like that is what you want. I am 41 and never been married and don't have kids. Have been primarily dating divorced dads the past year and that is what I get. I'm ok looking but nothing spectacular.

I feel just like this. I meet interesting attractive men and it feels like things are going well and then suddenly that’s it, no contact. I feel sad and like it’s never going to work out but I would like a relationship. My friends, both men and women, think it’s odd too-I asked them their opinion of me/dating potential, honestly! Maybe I have sex too quickly but I feel like I do it when i am ready. Seems like the men I meet are looking for something different but I wish there could just be more honesty. It’s tough!

I posted what you are responding to and also the above about waiting to have sex. I really feel like women need to hold men to higher standards of behavior, ask them about their intent and whether they will be exclusive if they are sleeping together before they have sex rather than have sex and hope it becomes exclusive. Online dating makes it easier for men to just casually sleep with women and move on and not commit. If women didnt sleep with men so casually and quickly, men couldn't get away with this poor behavior. Women are letting men treat them like crap. We deserve better and we should ask for better and if we don't get it, move on until we find someone who does treat us well.

I think you are probably right. I have always felt sex was right when I felt comfortable and another way of seeing what someone is really like but that approach just hasn’t worked. The man moves on and I just feel sad as I think we had a real connection. It was just words to him i guess, but I meant it. What acmess! I am rethinking what I do. Thanks for posting-it helps to know you and probably many of us have the same experience

[Anonymous]

I'm a 52 YO male and believe it or not I'm not interested in women who will easily jump in bed on the first or second date. If they do it with me the odds are pretty good that's their MO and that to me is a negative. Don't get me wrong, I love sex but I really like women who want to do some due diligence before they have sex. At the same time, after 5 or 6 dates if it hasn't happened it won't happen.

[Anonymous]

Meetup worked better for me in terms of having actual fun activities rather than hookup sex. I picked a lot of activities that were male-friendly. I did 1-2 every weekend that I didn’t have my kids. I actually started dating my 2nd DH because of meetup. We had been introduced casually a couple weeks beforehand through a mutual acquaintance. No exchange of contact info or overt flirting. But when we ended up at the same meetup, it was easy to pair off. After that, we made plans to go to a few more Meetup events together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Guy here. The funny thing about dating...when we are in our teens and 20's, it is much easier for the girls. In the 30's, it is about the same. After forty, advantage man.

If I put up a profile on a dating site, I could have as much action as I can handle. (meaning, things do not rebound as fast as they used too). I could have a date that leads to action nearly every night.

There are two differences between me now (50's, divorced) and me back then (20's): money (I can afford to take someone out) and confidence (if she says no, no big deal, I can take the risk; back then, I was terrified of rejection).

I do not want to bed a different woman each night. I would rather meet one person and get to know her. I want someone who is confident in who she is, is financially independent (does not need my money), and is not crazy. She must be no drugs, no STD's, and no smoking. And she can not support the current administration. She has to be smart. My divorce was because my ex and I could not have a conversation. Oh, and if she has children, they have to come first. Similarly, my dd comes first.

I do not care about race or ethnicity.

And I do not do crazy.

I thought Weiner was in jail.

[Anonymous]

The simple fact about dating is that at any age, women suffer from quality, men from quantity. Any women could date a different man every day of the week or pick up a person at a bar pretty much whenever she wants. But what kind of guy? However, if I meet ten women, 7-8 are attractive, intelligent, and can carry on a conversation.

Therefore, the idea is to reduce the factors that affect each sex. I recommend for women houses of worship, golf, or the Sierra Club. For men, anything cultural where the odds are in your favor. Ultimately dating is a numbers game.